Words that Reach Beyond Six Feet: A Stay-at-Home Meeting in New York

Welcome to Mushaholics Anonymous

Hi. Welcome to the New York City meeting of Mushaholics Anonymous (MA). MA is a fellowship of women, men, and young people who have the wellness of giving and receiving mushy, affectionate, hopeful words and small acts of caring (including to ourselves when we are lonely, angry, depressed or scared). We admitted that our lives had become imaginable! Mushaholics’ behavior is contagious and affects the families of its members, co-workers, and, hopefully, stay-at-home readers. My name is Claudia.

Hi, Claudia (in a chorus).

We’ll begin on page six, with two “Quotes for Quarantined Folks”. Who would like to read? Thank you, Michelle.

“I greet you from the other side of sorrow and despair, with a love so vast and shattered it will reach you everywhere.” Leonard Cohen

“Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.” Brene Brown

Ed, would you like to read the Mushaholics Manifesto on page one?

Sure.

“Hi, Ed,” (said in a chorus)

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Leo F. Buscaglia

Yes. I am especially grateful to speak at the New York City meeting because I have a special place in my heart for New York. I was born in Riverhead, Long Island, and went to school on the Upper West Side. Tonight Ed has asked me to speak with you about “How Words Can Transform”.

I haven’t ever told anyone before what I’m going to tell you.

Forgive me, I can’t find my glasses. Oh, here they are. I need them to look at my notes.

Words that Say I Am Here for You, at a Specific Time

In 2006 my husband John was on a respirator with Stage four colorectal cancer in the ICU at Little Company of Mary. My friend Jackie asked me, “How often would you like to call? Three times a day?”

Sixteen years later I remember her words which surprised me — like the fireflies that sparkled in the trees on our last family trip in Tennessee.

I forget the details of Jackie’s calls, although I do remember her and a friend Joyce bringing me underpants from the 99 cent store to the hospital.

Our older parents, aunts, uncles, friends, and single people like me, especially may appreciate questions similar to Jackie’s (she happens to be a New Yorker): “How often would you like me to call? What time is good?”

Words that Transform Old Trauma, Words that Create New Possibility

I passed one of my heroes Linda Kavelin-Popov’s in the hall after a workshop she gave about “The Virtues Project”. She was wearing a turquoise pants suit and was gathering her Virtues Reflection Cards and cushions before leaving. I had attended her workshops for years and had occasionally had significant dreams with her in them.

“You’re a good person,” she commented to me as I walked by.

Her words rang through early childhood shame that had lodged in me telling me I was bad, a bad person. Her four words gave me the hint — the long-lasting mint, that maybe, perhaps, I was good.

At a later women’s retreat that Linda led, where each woman told her life story, I performed creative movement to my story. With silver-haired authority, in her deep voice, Linda told me afterward, “Your core virtue is creativity.”

I’d never thought of myself as the creative one. My sister Judith, who decorated her bedroom bulletin boards and sewed her clothes was the creative one. But Linda’s words wove into the tapestry of my life over the decades, so now I identify with creativity as my main virtue.

Words of Loving Affirmation and Comfort from Friends

Working together on a “Meaningful Conversations” project could have triggered personality conflicts, but my co-host, now a friend, is consistently affirming. Faye Salim signed an email to me recently, “You are a rock-star, a rose-bud, a wonderful writer.” Two red hearts followed.

These words and emoji comforted and elevated me through layers that knew secretly the insecurities and imperfections that popped up before and after I facilitated these small groups at the Palos Verdes Library.

Another message to an on-line group surprised me. Chloe McFeters wrote to the members, “You are wonderful, just as you are. And you are not alone. And this, too, shall pass.” (Chloe McFeters, “personal communication” January 31, 2020). These were just the words I needed to hear, and I’m sure she’d love for you to know they are meant for you, too.

Zooming Words

Friday evening, my cousin Karen Roekard, also a New Yorker, invited me to participate in a Zoom call welcoming the Sabbath, with The Aquarian Minyan of Berkeley and friends. During the call, the participants called out the names of people they wished to receive healing prayers. Then they sang, “Ana Elna Refana La”. Please G-d, Please G-d heal her.

This is the prayer Moses said when his sister Miriam was stricken with an illness (a leprosy type rash which appeared when she apparently said something unkind about Moses’s wife. Miriam’s symptoms went away a week after Moses said the prayer). Then they chanted the Kaddish, an ancient prayer, in remembrance of those who have died from COVID-19. My cousin Karen, who used to work at the Conference Board, explained that this prayer essentially says, “God is great. He is the one who calls us all together in unity.”

On another Zoom call, this morning, we also prayed for healing for people who need it. This call was with the family of my close friends Jackie and Tim MacLane. Family members from Brazil, Canada, New Mexico, and California called out names of people that needed healing. I called out, “My 92-year-old mother is scared,” not sure if that qualified, but Jackie assured me that others are scared too.

Tim, who is a musician, said that Mike Longo had died. “Mike was a jazz pianist who played with Dizzy Gillespie, and he recently died in Manhattan.” I had a vague memory of hearing about him, or of hearing him play when I lived in New York many years ago.

We went around the Zoom room, photo by photo, each reading or singing, or praying for the people who were ill or had departed. When it was her turn, Tim’s sister Margaret, from Fresno, read these words:

“…O Lord! Protect us from what lieth in front of us and behind us, above our heads, on our right, on our left, below our feet, and every other side to which we are exposed. Verily, Thy protection over all things is unfailing.” — The Bab, Baha’i Writings

One of the younger people, Tim’s daughter Shannon said, “People are getting into prayer more these days.”

Meditation is very helpful, but in difficult times, we tend to get real, as New Yorkers are want to do, and also cry out for our Creator, The Force, the One, God (sorry if that word pushes your buttons, it did mine for years), Higher Self, Father, Grandfather, Goddess, Allah, or whatever you call the unknowable Essence.

And everyone knows that God likes to hear prayers said with a New York accent. They make God laugh, and that ripples through the two trillion galaxies in the universe. God knows we need laughter now.

Thanks for letting me be your speaker for this Mushaholics Anonymous meeting. Discussing with you words that heal reminds me to speak tenderly not only to the fish in the tank in my home, to the Johnny-jump-ups and poppy I planted in the front yard, or to my dog room-mates Lily and Mia. They are easy. They don’t talk back. But when I can, I want to “pet”, so to speak, the people in my family and my friends, to “feed fish flakes” to my fellow Mushaholics, and “to fertilize” the person I am standing six feet away from.

“It’s not enough to have lived,” Leo Buscaglia wrote. “We should determine to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely.”

The topic for your sharing today is: When did you “feed fish flakes” to a friend, family member, or “stranger” OR when did someone “pet you” even six feet or a Zoom away?

Thank you! Remember, what is said here, what is heard here, once you’ve read here, you can share here [in the comment section]. You can share or pass. We’ll go around in a circle. You are first.

* * * *

Below are links for people joining us on-line: for inspiration and enjoyment:

• COVID 19 — Christians, Moslems and Jews Join in Prayer in Jerusalem
• Prayers for Healing and Hope from “My Catholic Life!”
• ”New York, New York”, sung by Liza Minella at Radio City Music Hall
• Erie Canal” sung by Pete Seeger
• Shalom Chaverim, Hello, Good-bye, Peace My Friends
• Erie Canal, sung by Pete Seeger