Great Jokes of the Western World — Language and Travel
Round the Word Travel Guide
The great whale shift
Speaking in tongues
It’s official. I know English, and I’m trying French and German.
I’m trylingual.
Reverberation
I invented a new word today.
“Plagiarism.”
Drawing the blind
It isn’t hard to learn Braille, once you get a proper feel for it.
Surprise
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
Steamed
My boyfriend told me I didn’t know the meaning of “ironic”, which was ironic because we were at a laundry.
Genuine article
What do the following have in common?
1. Felix the cat 2. Bob the builder 3. Ivan the Terrible
Despite coming from vastly different times and cultures, they all share a middle name.
Nor reason
Does anything rhyme with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Battle hymn of the French republic
The war cry of the French Navy translates as “To the sea! Now is the hour!”
or
“A l’eau! C’est l’heure!“
Yo, banana boy!
English has a word for everything. The word for “fear of palindromes” is “aibohphobia”.
Flight delays
On my last flight, things went smoothly until I saw an old friend sitting on the far side of the plane. I waved at him to catch his attention and when he looked my way, I yelled, “Hi, Jack!”.
After that, things didn’t go so well.
Sounds okay
I asked my North Korean friend how things were going for him. “Can’t complain,” he said.
KC Jonesing
A friend and I hit Kansas City one evening. We’d booked into the Raphael, which was an indulgence; a pretty classy joint, right across from the Plaza. We spotted a bar opening off the lobby and went in for a nightcap after a day on the road.
It was really nice. Dim light, a piano player, bar staff in formal clothes. Instead of my usual house white, I ordered a martini, and sat there sipping it, basking in the glow.
The piano player was quite an entertainer. Believe it or not, he had a pet monkey, and he talked to it and it did tricks as part of the act. Sat on his shoulder, reached down and tinkled a few keys, waved to the audience.
The musician took requests and was rattling out some good tunes. “Piano Man!” someone asked, and he gave us a great version, rolling his eyes and voice in over-the-top Billy Joel.
The monkey hammed it up for a while and then went visiting, jumping up on tables, begging for pretzels and nuts. It came to us, squatted over my drink, and then to my astonishment and horror dangled its testicles into the glass.
“Get away out of it, yer filthy little bastard!” I snarled, and it scampered back to its master.
I followed, fuming, and the piano man looked up at me as his monkey sought refuge on his shoulder.
“Do you know your monkey dunked his nuts in my martini?”
“Uh no,” he replied, “but if you hum a few bars I’ll pick it up.”
Britni
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