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Abstract

one…I woke up.What does it mean?<ul><li>It’s obvious I am attracted to puppets.</li><li>Miss Piggy is a bit loose</li><li>I don’t know whether I’m into beastiality or just really hungry?</li></ul><h1 id="39ab">Toilet Travels</h1><figure id="e8af"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*7PiRerX3sFNyy8Ay-bpCNw.jpeg"><figcaption>You’re a cheeky toilet, aren’t ya? — Photo: <a href="https://unsplash.com/@marcschaefer?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Marc Schaefer</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/toilets?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>The DreamI dreamt that one of the managers at my work was showing me around all the toilets in the building. It was a full-on toilet tour!We went to the toilets at the top of the building, the bottom of the building, the ones that smell like arse crack, and the ones with no toilet paper.I woke up very confused…and desperate to answer mother nature’s call…which thankfully had not gone to voicemail.What does it mean?<ul><li>Going to an unknown toilet is a big deal for me.</li><li>This is a sign that I will one day be the best toilet salesman that has ever lived. My teachers at school said I took the piss…now I’m giving it back.</li><li>I should be more careful about management who try to lead me into toilets with them.</li></ul><h1 id="529b">Chinese Trauma</h1><figure id="8897"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*kg9KsVKGo0yoSu_tIWU_5g.jpeg"><figcaption>The Chinese people come to terms with their new British weather — Photo: <a href="https://unsplash.com/@nunoalberto?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Nuno Alberto</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/china?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>The DreamChina may be under suspicion of being matey with the Russians, but damn do they make good food.<p id="

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83ba">Such a place is very tempting to move to and leave your old life behind — well, it was to my girlfriend anyway.She swung a left into a car park and got out of her car, closely followed by me. I got out of my car and demanded some answers! Even though I was the predatory one.It was now that she announced that she’d had enough of me and was moving to China.I tried to talk her out of it (in English and Chinese) but she wasn’t having it! Her mind was made up.I woke up in a state of sadness…and a craving for sweet and sour chicken.What does it mean?<ul><li>My girlfriend always fancies Chinese food after I’ve chased after her in my car.</li><li>You can either make a relationship work…or move to China. There’s no in-between.</li><li>If we’d have just car shared we could have avoided a needless trip to China…and saved on gas too!</li></ul><h1 id="53f5">Sweet Dreams, Writers</h1><figure id="dbb7"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*AuA0xV8Xl4w0HdzR9vlsOQ.jpeg"><figcaption>I wish she’d stop having weird dreams and bloody feed me! — Photo: <a href="https://unsplash.com/@veda__?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Adam Kuylenstierna</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/sleeping?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>I’m so tired after reading that…either because of the sleepy content…or it was just a shite article.I’ll let you decide.But what have we learned about weird dreams?<ul><li>Piggy puppets really do things for me.</li><li>If management leads you into a toilet…don’t do it!!!!! Unless they give you a promotion.</li><li>China is full of single people who’ve split up with their partners after high-speed car chases.</li></ul>I hope you all enjoyed this self-indulgent masterpiece about my weird sleeping brain.Enjoy your dreams, and remember…If you’ve been to a new toilet today, wear a diaper to bed :)The Chinese Toilet Puppet Writer ❤</article></body>

Dream Humor

Wonderfully Weird Dreams and What They Mean

How dare you wake me up during my Margaret Thatcher dream!!!

**“I can’t fall asleep when she’s sniffing my butt like that“** — Photo: David Clode on Unsplash

I love sleeping!

I love sleeping when I’m supposed to be listening to someone boring.

I love sleeping when I’m driving home from work.

I love sleeping when I’m operating heavy machinery.

But most of all…I love sleeping for dreams!

Dreams are like free movies in your head that Disney hasn’t got their hands on yet.

They’re supposed to mean something about our lives. Like that one where you think you’re falling? That means you have a deep desire to use a diving board.

Okay…maybe I need to research the meaning behind these dreams a little bit first.

I thought I’d take a more in-depth look at my most famous dreams, and what they actually mean.

Let’s have a look at some weird dreams I’ve had!

I’m doing this because I can’t afford a therapist :)

This Little Piggy Went to a Hotel Room

**When she tells you the frogspawn is yours** — Photo: Jimmy Kimmel Live/YouTube

The Dream

I had a dream I went on a date with Miss Piggy.

Things were going well and moving very fast. A lot of alcohol was had and one thing led to another…and I took her back to my hotel room.

Just as we were about to let human and bacon become one…I woke up.

What does it mean?

It’s obvious I am attracted to puppets.
Miss Piggy is a bit loose
I don’t know whether I’m into beastiality or just really hungry?

Toilet Travels

**You’re a cheeky toilet, aren’t ya?** — Photo: Marc Schaefer on Unsplash

The Dream

I dreamt that one of the managers at my work was showing me around all the toilets in the building. It was a full-on toilet tour!

We went to the toilets at the top of the building, the bottom of the building, the ones that smell like arse crack, and the ones with no toilet paper.

I woke up very confused…and desperate to answer mother nature’s call…which thankfully had not gone to voicemail.

What does it mean?

Going to an unknown toilet is a big deal for me.
This is a sign that I will one day be the best toilet salesman that has ever lived. My teachers at school said I took the piss…now I’m giving it back.
I should be more careful about management who try to lead me into toilets with them.

Chinese Trauma

**The Chinese people come to terms with their new British weather** — Photo: Nuno Alberto on Unsplash

The Dream

China may be under suspicion of being matey with the Russians, but damn do they make good food.

Such a place is very tempting to move to and leave your old life behind — well, it was to my girlfriend anyway.

She swung a left into a car park and got out of her car, closely followed by me. I got out of my car and demanded some answers! Even though I was the predatory one.

It was now that she announced that she’d had enough of me and was moving to China.

I tried to talk her out of it (in English and Chinese) but she wasn’t having it! Her mind was made up.

I woke up in a state of sadness…and a craving for sweet and sour chicken.

What does it mean?

My girlfriend always fancies Chinese food after I’ve chased after her in my car.
You can either make a relationship work…or move to China. There’s no in-between.
If we’d have just car shared we could have avoided a needless trip to China…and saved on gas too!

Sweet Dreams, Writers

**I wish she’d stop having weird dreams and bloody feed me!** — Photo: Adam Kuylenstierna on Unsplash

I’m so tired after reading that…either because of the sleepy content…or it was just a shite article.

I’ll let you decide.

But what have we learned about weird dreams?

Piggy puppets really do things for me.
If management leads you into a toilet…don’t do it!!!!! Unless they give you a promotion.
China is full of single people who’ve split up with their partners after high-speed car chases.

I hope you all enjoyed this self-indulgent masterpiece about my weird sleeping brain.

Enjoy your dreams, and remember…

If you’ve been to a new toilet today, wear a diaper to bed :)

The Chinese Toilet Puppet Writer ❤