Summary

The author discusses the importance of having high standards in dating, emphasizing self-worth and compatibility over settling for less.

Abstract

The article titled "Women With Standards That Are Too High" delves into the author's personal journey of understanding her self-worth and establishing high standards for potential partners. She articulates a desire for a "high-value man" who is culturally literate, mature, financially stable, self-aware, and sincere, and who shares her sensibilities. Despite criticism from some men who claim her standards are too high, the author asserts her right to seek a compatible partner and reflects on her past experience of settling in a marriage that lacked mutual interests and companionship. She concludes that she is a complete individual without the need for a romantic partner to feel whole, and remains optimistic about finding someone who meets her criteria.

Opinions

The author believes that having standards is a reflection of self-worth and that it is crucial to seek a partner who is compatible rather than dating just for the sake of being in a relationship.
She has encountered men who have criticized her standards as being too high and have suggested she should lower them to find a partner.
The author has learned from a previous marriage that compatibility and shared interests are vital for a fulfilling relationship, and that settling for someone who does not meet one's needs can lead to loneliness and dissatisfaction.
She emphasizes that being single and content is preferable to being in an unhappy partnership, reinforcing the idea that one does not need a romantic partner to feel complete or successful.
The author challenges societal expectations that equate having a significant other with personal success or completeness, advocating for the value of individual wholeness and self-validation.

Women With Standards That Are Too High

I have standards because I have self-worth. Finally.

These days I am lacking a partner. For all realistic purposes, I am single.

While I would like to meet a special someone, I most definitely want them to be special. In other words, I am not looking to date just to date. I will not just date anyone.

On another platform, I wrote about how I want to meet a high-value man and I explained what that meant specifically to me. I am looking for a man who is culturally literate in a similar fashion as I am. I seek a man who is mature, financially stable, self-aware, and sincere. I look for someone who has a similar sensibility as I do.

While there are many very good men out there, they may not be good for me for one reason or another.

I have since incorporated these standards into my dating profiles.

I want what I want and I won't settle for less.

I am overall happy and content in my life. I am graced by the love of many and if I die partner-less tomorrow, I will die an overall satisfied woman.

It is important to note that just because a man is not the man for me, it certainly does not mean that I think less of them. It simply means that I think we are not compatible.

I have the right to assess the compatibility of a potential partner. I refuse to cede that right in desperate hope for a partner.

And yet, many men seem to take great offense to my standards. They are too high, they say. I will never find anyone, they insist. I have to give them a chance.

No, I really don't. I won't.

Once upon a time, I dated men simply because they wanted to date me. I liked them because they liked me. I wanted a boyfriend and if they were willing to take on that role, I was overjoyed to let them.

I was thrilled to know that someone wanted me. I adored them simply because they saw me as attractive and valuable. I didn't think I was worthy at all. I was never the girl with a flock of admirers. I was too willing - sadly too willing- to have whoever deigned to have me. In other words, I had very little self-worth.

I married one of those men. While he loved me in his way and I loved him in my way, it was a terribly lonely relationship.

We were incompatible. He wanted to sit around and watch TV. I wanted to go out do things. He didn’t like being outside. I love being outside. Our knowledge bases were worlds apart. He knew everything about comic books and I knew everything about Charles Dickens. There was very little overlap in our interests.

He was a nice guy, I thought. He was good enough. He loved me and he wanted to be with me so I went along for the ride.

He was incapable of giving me the companionship that I wanted. He didn't think he had to. He had a very different vision of what marriage should be. I am not going to say that his vision was wrong. It was just wrong for me. He thought that I should accept this vision. I loved him and so whatever he gave me was supposed to be good enough.

Clinging to him as the only person that I could have, I allowed him to carry out this vision where he placed primacy on so many other areas of his life over me, continually. No matter how much I tried to explain how unhappy I was, he never attempted to be my companion. He didn't have to because I stayed married to him. My happiness had little value to him.

As far as he was concerned, I had to be happy with what he gave me. I had to accept whatever he could give- even if I didn’t want to. I had to settle.

I settled for far too many years and I will not do that anymore.

These men that take offense to my desire for a man that is of high value of me want me to settle. They may not value me or my standards but I certainly do and I am not going to apologize for that.

Perhaps they are like so many others: desperate for a relationship and seeking a significant other for self- validation. I understand it because I have felt that way as well.

Our society sells us repeated messages that we are not successful if we don’t have a significant other. It tells us we are not complete without our “better half.”

I am not half a person. I am a whole person. I am whole all on my own. I may want a romantic partner but I don’t need one. No one does.

And those high-value men? They exist. I know for a fact that they absolutely do.