WOMEN | MOTHERHOOD

Women and Work-Life (Un)Balance

You can have it all: the best lie ever told

The older I get the better I understand the best lie ever told to women was that they can have it all. And by all, I mean a career they’re passionate about and a family with kids to raise.

Work-life balance is a myth

I used to watch a show called, Younger — which is about a 40-year-old single mom who re-enters the working world after her divorce and finds herself on the job market. The problem is that she hasn’t worked outside the house in more than 20 years, as she was a stay-at-home mom raising her daughter.

Now with her resume, the only jobs she could find were entry-level positions — competing with a younger demographic of twenty-something-year-olds who use abbreviations in their text messages. She then goes on to pretend she is 26 years old to get the job of her dreams. No spoiler alert!

I could relate to Liza Miller in Younger, played by Sutton Foster, and like her, I have asked what IMO means.

An uneven level playing field

Let’s face it, women with kids and men are not on a level playing field when it comes to working conditions. Regardless of identity background, if you have a stay-at-home wife who takes care of the kids and family, while you pursue and grow your career, and can travel the world for work — worry and guilt-free — that’s a huge advantage many men have over mothers.

Yes, women have rights: they can vote, lead countries and corporations, or work in other positions, but they pay a high price for wanting to grow their careers. Many women who choose to work while raising a family feel the pressure and guilt of not being home full-time with their kids.

Unfortunately, this is not just a women’s issue, it’s a societal issue because it affects the whole structure of families and the overall society. The COVID-19 pandemic has shown the disparities between the genders, and women who are mothers have been affected the most. Some of the disparities are due to the lack of childcare access, which has forced many working mothers out of the workforce.

And now the younger generations, mainly Millennials and Gen Zs, are delaying marriage, choosing not to have kids, or simply choosing not to get married.

One mom told me that when she asked her Millennial son when he plans to get married, he told her: “Mom, we have air-fryers now. No need to get married.”

I said: “Wow.”

So the air fryers are replacing wives now? I had to laugh when my friend told me that.

What can we do to achieve work-life balance?

Is it possible to level the playing field for working mothers? I think it’s possible, provided that employers expand access to paid parental leave, as well as childcare and elder care.

In addition, organizations need to create better-paying jobs. For most women, especially working single mothers with young children, the cost of working often outweighs their pay and thus puts them at a sharp disadvantage.

Some mothers choose to stay home to raise their families, but the downside is that employers don’t usually consider staying home to take care of your kids as a skilled occupation — even though the managerial skills involved can be valuable.

Do you know how well-organized and detail-oriented you have to be to care for a new baby? Or a toddler? Unfortunately, when mothers decide to go back to work after having taken time off, they don’t have anything to show for their employment gaps.

Raising the next generation of feminist leaders

Feminism has evolved, and feminism today is different from the feminism of the ‘60s. Explaining to younger generations what today’s feminism is about is important to raise the next generation of leaders.

It begins with redefining feminism.

Feminism is much more than just burning your bra (although that’s also liberating). Being a feminist today is not just being a woman, or even fighting for women’s rights.

It’s fighting for everyone’s rights in all their intersecting identities and gender expressions, and acknowledging that not everyone is on a level playing field when it comes to fulfilling their needs. Advancing equal opportunity for all people is how we can give women what they need to unlock their potential. Men can be feminists too. Yes, they can!

Supporting mothers to succeed in the workplace

It was always stressful for me to go back to work after having taken time off to have and raise my kids.

I remember some years ago, a recruiter who was helping me find a new job asked me: “Why is there a gap in your employment history? What did you do during all this time?”

I said: “I was home with my kids.”

And the recruiter responded: “Home with the kids? Doing what?”

I wanted to say: “Watching Barney, SpongeBob SquarePants, Bob the Builder.”

I still remember the songs!

It is this type of scrutiny of women’s employment records in a dismissive way that can lead to denying women employment. Or if they’re hired, they’re more likely to be paid less than someone who doesn’t show an employment gap on their resume.

You may feel there’s no winning in the game of work and life

So, as a mother, you feel like there is no winning at the game of work and life. Yes, some women have achieved career success, but they’re often made to choose between career and family, and it can take a toll on their psychological well-being.

Even in situations of remote working, women still pick up the heavy loads of caring for the kids and aging parents, in addition to taking on a lion’s share of household chores.

When it comes to generational gaps, Millennials (which is now the largest working demographic) are choosing to delay starting a family because they can see there is no work-life balance.

Many women say that work-life balance is simply a myth — just another hashtag. And so, supporting mothers to succeed in the workplace means giving them the flexibility to work whatever schedule can accommodate them in their unique situations, and that’s one of the best ways to attract and retain quality diverse talent.

And may I add: Men need to raise the bar when it comes to raising their kids. If you are a dad, please, don’t ever say that you’re babysitting your kids.

It is this type of scrutiny of women’s employment records in a dismissive way that can lead to denying women employment.

Life is about choices: It’s about give and take

Unless you have the best spouse/partner ever who supports you unconditionally in your career and family raising, there is no work-life balance. You have to give some, to take some. If you give it all to one area, the scale will tip in the other.

For instance, you may think that you can give 100% to your career and 100% to your family and live an equally satisfying life socially and emotionally, but it doesn’t work that way. Not in America anyway. For things to change for American women, social systems need to change.

People need access to free childcare and eldercare, flexible work hours, and paid time off for maternity and paternity. Gender roles also need to adapt to the changing times, so that husbands and wives share all the household chores. These are among the goals of the modern feminist movement.

Until these systems change, for many modern women — especially mothers, the reality of having and pursuing a career and at the same time raising a family may be the exception rather than the rule. You may be able to have it all, but perhaps not at the same time.

Supporting mothers to succeed in the workplace means giving them the flexibility to work whatever schedule can accommodate them in their unique situations.

What do you think? Do you think work-life balance can be achieved? Please share your opinion.

To be notified when I publish new stories, Subscribe here Check out my other stories here.

For more of the good stuff, follow Fourth Wave. Have you got a story, essay, or poem that focuses on women or other disempowered groups? Submit to the Wave!