Woke Girl Your Social Media Posts Single-Handedly Educated My Apparently Backwards Self
I only wish I could be as socially aware, selfless, and politically correct as you
Dear Woke Girl,
What a breath of fresh, sustainable air to stumble upon your Instagram feed yesterday, albeit unintentionally. Truth be told, I was doing a search query for “gals with guns” for an in-depth gun control exposé I’m working on; but the social media platform redirected me (weird!?) to “gals with buns” — and whoop, there you were.
When I saw how perfectly your messy bun was coiffed atop your beautiful, unfiltered face, and how expertly you’d wrapped yourself in an eco-friendly, $2000 pashmina (not to be confused with the banned shahtoosh) shawl, I immediately thought: this woman is clearly attuned to the pitfalls of today’s precipitous culture, and I will definitely learn something if I continue scrolling.
Well, let me tell you woke girl, I was NOT wrong.
For starters, I was completely unaware that living anywhere other than coastal urban cities makes me an out of touch, obsolete dope. Gratefully, you enlightened me when I saw the photo of you sprawled out in a forest, pondering a U.S. map while wearing a sassy, forest ranger-inspired number, with a caption that read: “That’s why they’re called FLYOVER states biatches, because no one cares what they think, and they shouldn’t count—especially when it comes important things like women’s rights, the environment, and voting! #feminism #greenlife #votingrights.”
Funny. I’d never thought of it that way before: after fighting for women’s suffrage, some women’s votes still shouldn’t count unless they live in certain places. Who knew?! Preach girl!
You removed yet another HUGE blindspot for me when you suggested: “Those of us who are blessed with social awareness should give every thought, idea, and word a good scrub down for potentially offensive language before we attempt to have a conversation with someone who we may perceive as ‘other.’ Like, the maid, for example.”
Silly me, all this time I thought the goal was to do our best not to categorize someone as “other” in the first place? But, while you may never have been forced to interact with anyone outside your social circle, your experience living in diverse places like Calabasas, California and Stamford, Connecticut, definitely makes you the expert! So, I’ll defer to you on this one.
According to your wisdom, we must also rid our language of phrases that could be misconstrued as insensitive to protected groups. For example, BAD: Sydney is paralyzed; GOOD: Sydney has paralysis of the legs. Thankfully, you told me this before I did anything completely unredeemable at my cousin’s BBQ next week. I’m certain my Uncle Jerry, whose service in ‘Nam left him with “paralysis of mostly everything from the waist down” and also an “affinity for consuming alcoholic beverages every hour of the day” will appreciate it when I correct my Aunt Lynn for calling him a “paralyzed alcoholic” in front of the entire family.
Before I stumbled upon your inspiring, equality-related captions, I was completely oblivious to the fact that middle-aged white men, as a cohort, are the root of all our problems. Is your uber-rich boyfriend, and founder of that famous tech company, privy to this information? I’m only asking because I really want to know, not because I’m insinuating you are unaware of your own privilege.
After all, calling a spade a spade is something only total morons who lack creativity do. As you’ve taught me, those of us (can I consider myself part of your tribe now? Perhaps that’s too presumptuous?) who really “get it” understand the nuance of crafting narratives that fit our #personalgoals #livedexperience and #worldview. Wowza! I feel empowered just writing this. I used to believe change happened when I lived out my personal values in the real world, but gratefully you’ve show this backwards gal what’s what.
I know you’re super busy preparing for that peaceful protest in support of changing the lowercase “v” in vegan to a capital “V” (you’ve convinced me that Vegans have been oppressed far too long by meat-eaters worldwide. Go you!). So, before I let you go, I really must know: when you were posing for that photo to promote a “feeding the homeless” campaign, were you aware that an ACTUAL homeless person was standing behind you, asking you for food? You seemed to be ignoring him (dare I say annoyed?), but maybe that was all part of the effect for the Instagram story? Wait, did you use that special new filter that inserts the disenfranchised into shots so it seems like you’re actually hanging out? If so, brilliant move!
Before I sign off, I just have to say…thank you so much for reminding me what true, individual freedom really entails: a set of Instagram followers who agree with everything I say and constantly compliment me on my selflessness, social awareness, and beauty — both inside and out.
With gratitude from six thousand feet away,
Your newly “woke” friend