With Death Comes Renewal and Resolutions for 2023

Continuing to practice in public on a solopreneur journey.

In photography, one develops a positive from a negative. Imagery within a photograph can be emphasized through the use of negative space. Positive and negative live together in charged harmony. As does, I believe, Life.

All life ends in death. Plain fact.

In 2021, as the globe was mired in pandemic deaths, lockdowns, and exhaustion — my mom passed away.

I sensed something was awry early in the New Year, as I talked with her and my stepdad after successfully defending my doctoral dissertation. She was normally a sharp cookie, cerebral, quick to brain and thought. That day something was out of place.

I’d been at the doctorate for five years. Through working full-time in healthcare, raising three kids in a blended-blended family, and the passing of my sister in my 2nd year of the program. At the time, she was in a doctorate program as well. She withdrew when aggressive brain cancer set in and she passed in 2017.

I mentioned her in my dissertation. I also mentioned my parents: my mom and my stepdad. They were married for over 40 years, and much I’d learned from them informed my doctoral research. My research engaged a self-reflective process.

I talked to them on the phone right after my defence. The defence had been conducted online. They were able to listen as observers. I got word within a few moments that I was successful. My wife was sitting beside me at home, while I defended, and while I talked on the phone.

Even with the excitement and relief we all felt with the successful defence, we both noticed something was a bit off with my mom.

I chalked it up to her being tired and feeling under the weather. She was also lockdown-fatigued. They live on isolated islands off the coast of northwest British Columbia. It’s also where I grew up. It’s about a six-hour ferry ride (in nice weather) from the mainland. Lockdown in rural areas was that much more isolating.

By late April, they let the secret out. My mom had been deteriorating for a bit. One evening in April she landed in the emergency room. We got a call. They weren’t sure if it was a stroke. She’d had heart troubles from her 50s on, and was now in her 70s. “On Borrowed time,” she often joked.

My stepdad called us one day as we were shuttling mountain bikes up the side of a mountain in north-central British Columbia. Our household is avid mountain bikers.

“Her heart’s not really the issue,” he said. “She’s most likely got cancer and it has spread.” He broke down, sharing that they both figured it was in her brain. She had many similar signs as my sister.

It was a day of reflective riding. The photograph above is from that day.

In mid-May my parents travelled off the island to the mainland to visit a larger hospital, for tests. I drove six hours to meet them there, along with my younger sister.

Things had definitely progressed for the worse.

The morning she was scheduled to go in for her first set of tests, the stubborn proud woman I grew up with made a judgement call.

“Nope,” she said. “No tests, I’m clear on what’s going on here, and I know what happens next. No tests.”

Their family doctor tried to shift the tides on the decision, but we all knew that was a lost cause.

She wanted to go home. Her decision was made. We all knew not to question her, even in a lesser-state.

Within days of returning home, her doctor was on-side with her self-prognosis. Her mental faculties were dwindling daily. In early June, she was assisted in passing by doctors.

A blessing that this is legal in Canada. My younger sister and I were able to spend time with her in the days before she passed. Our youngest son as well. Some family could not get back into the country in time. Much of the globe still locked down or with strict border and quarantine rules.

We left the islands for home, back on the ferry, with my stepdad and my mom (transported by funeral services staff). There are no cremation services on the island, so we had to travel to the mainland to get that done. After a day or so, my stepdad returned to the islands with our mom’s ashes. We discussed plans for 2022 as long as COVID subsided by then.

Less than two weeks later I got a call from my younger sister. Sobbing. My step-dad is her dad.

“Dad’s had an accident. We don’t know what happened. He was found in a ditch near his bike…”

Resolution is a complicated word in English with many meanings.

A resolution can be an act of resolving a great many things such as: answering, solving, determining, separating (e.g. chemistry), dividing, substituting, and analyzing — to name a few.

It can refer to a formal act of a governing body — as in passing a resolution on human rights, or on peace.

“Be it resolved that…”

A resolution in literary works is the point when all the complications are worked out. Our brains feel the last puzzle piece fit snugly into the right places.

Resolution also refers to printing images. As in “the resolution of that image is…” This also relates to clarity of images in relation to light.

The word resolution comes from resolve.

In politics and governance and contract-speak “be it resolved…” has similar meaning as passing a resolution.

In English, the word resolve comes from Latin resolvere: “to loosen, loose, unyoke, undo; explain; relax; set free; make void, dispel.”

It is a combination of re- (“back”) plus solver: “to loosen, untie, release, explain.” Going way back in history to Proto-Indo-European roots is the root word *leu- “to loosen, divide, cut apart.”

Complicated indeed.

Where did New Year’s resolutions come from?

Some suggest ancient Bablyon about 4,000 years ago. For example, the History Channel website mentions the annual practice of making promises to the gods and paying back debts from the year, plus returning equipment in preparation for the year to come.

In ancient times this was generally done during the spring Equinox to prepare for crop planting season. This signalled the start of the new year. This practice was then adopted by the Romans. Eventually, it shifted though, from the spring to the newly added months of January and February.

January 1 then became the start of the new calendar year, by decree of the emperor.

Almanac.com outlines that the name January comes from the two-faced god Janus. These two faces consist of one pointing to the future and one reflecting on the past. Janus was the god of gates and doors, as well as peace. He was suggested to be about a place for safety and new beginnings.

The practice of New Year’s resolutions carried on beyond the time of the Romans — just like the calendar year and names of the months. In medieval ages, New Year’s resolutions were a time for knights to renew their vows to chivalry and service.

For me, the end of the calendar year has always been a reflective time. My birthday lands a week before New Year’s Day. This year, I will begin the last year of my 4th decade. These types of milestones often motivate reflection.

In the spirit of the two faces of Janus, my resolution time is often more about looking back over the past year and then looking forward into the new year with a view to things I want to continue — not things I want to “quit”.

Positive Framing

Frame things in the positive. Play to strengths. I am a strong believer in facilitating positive self-talk and self-concept. Not in a bullshit ‘no negative’; but more in consistently re-framing things.

I tend to have a philosophy suggesting regret and guilt are largely wasted emotions. If those come up, I sit with them, write about them, and then ask: “ok, now what?”

2022 was a year of many changes for me and our family. I’ve written about these in other stories. For example, in April, after almost 15 years I left salary employment and returned back to working for myself. I am building a living as a digital creator and writer.

The decision to cut the box (cubicles and offices)- had a lot to do with death. My wife and I have navigated a lot of death in recent years. We both approach life with the constant reminder that death is right there. Inevitable.

The more vivid in our mind this remains the more prepared we can be when it comes. And, the more present we are to live now, not in the past or fretting too much about the future.

Since 2017, this has assisted us. That was the year my sister passed following a year of living with brain cancer. A very challenging year for our family. The cancer was aggressive and really mucked up her brain functions, and last year of life.

Then the next year, one of my wife’s grandparents passed. Then another, then another, then another. All four of her grandparents, who she was close with, passed over a period of 3 years. Then an aunt of mine, a grandparent. Then a close friend’s teenage daughter — right at the beginning of COVID and lockdowns. Then in 2021 my mom became ill and passed a few months later (cancer).

Death and Rebirth

My mom and stepdad were married a long time. Many months of caretaking and then her passing took a toll on him. She had been quite ill. Most likely cancer, but she refused to go through any treatments or spend any time in the hospital.

She knew her time was up. She felt her brain function going, and it was reminiscent of my sister’s journey. She went on her terms.

For my stepdad, we waited in some confusion after the emergency calls following the accident.

“What in the hell could possibly happen next?!”

My younger sister was unsure of whether he had had a stroke while riding his bike, or otherwise. He had been under a lot of stress. It sounded bad, really bad.

Then the details came.

It was a hit-and-run accident. He had been standing on the side of the road with his bike, beside the sea. His memory is murky, but he recalls hearing tires in the gravel behind him, turning, then it’s black. Memories are gone for a period.

Estimates suggest he was thrown about 20 feet, landing on a pile of rocks along the seaside. He was unconscious and below the high tide line.

A ring on his cell phone woke him up. He doesn’t know how long he lay there. It was a close friend calling to check on him. He was able to share enough details that the friend hung up and called the ambulance and police on the islands. The ambulance went looking for him and his bike on the roadside.

He was taken to the small local hospital. They stabilized a punctured lung and then medi-vacced him off the islands in a helicopter to a larger mainland hospital. He had several broken ribs, a broken collarbone, a punctured lung, a lot of bruising, and a severe concussion. His bike helmet was cracked almost in half and most likely saved his life.

Thankfully, he was in a hospital recovering in the same community as my younger sister and her family. He was in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) for a week as they monitored his punctured lung. The helmet most likely saved his life, as did the fact he was fit and strong.

It’s been about 18 months now and he’s still recovering, but doing much better — on all accounts.

The driver of the vehicle has never been found or stepped forward.

Rebirth and reflect

This past summer 2022, we were able to lay our mom to rest with friends and family. We scattered ashes in two places that she had requested. One on the islands, and the other in a remote setting in northwestern British Columbia in the mountains. She wanted part of her “up high”. And part of her now sits in a mountain meadow overlooking an alpine lake.

As I shared at her service, on the edge of a beach that was one her favorites to walk, these past few years have been a tough time for a lot of families. With death comes opportunities for rebirth and reset.

Control-Alt-Delete (in computer terms).

This said, I didn’t start 2022 quite as reflective as I am concluding it, and looking into 2023.

With all of the death we’ve navigated, the accident, saying goodbye to my mom, and bringing closure for her journey on the planet— instigated a lot of changes in my life and our families' lives.

I simply could not continue to feel as if I was dwindling away in a box — an office, cubicle, and bureaucratic hierarchy. I am good at it though. I managed to almost triple my salary in under a decade. I managed teams and budgets and projects.

But my soul was shrinking and shrivelling. In useless meetings, indoor recycled air, and a mind that wanted to be writing. Creating.

On April 1, 2022, I walked away from a six-figure salary and set out on a solopreneur journey. Reflecting on my mom’s choices and life was a big motivator, as was reflecting on the journey of my step-father as he builds a life without his partner of over 40 years. They got married when he was 21 and she was 31 (with 3 kids). It’s a remarkable love story.

As 2022 rolled into its first quarter, I cut the strings.

I love to write. I love to research, and I love taking a creative approach to sticky issues and challenges.

December 2022 marks 8 months of studying, creating, connecting, thinking, and reflecting. Day in and day out I get up and write. I post 2–4 times per day on LinkedIn. That is my main platform. I often take those posts and create longer stories for Medium. I’m coming up on 90 stories and excited to hit that 100 mark before the New Year.

I am more active on Twitter now. In October I started a Substack page and publish a free newsletter weekly.

Peering through Janus’ face that looks to the future. “Be it resolved…”

In our household, a double-blended family of now three teenagers, over almost 14 years of marriage — we have tried to only have one of us working Full-time. The other working part-time or contract work and keeping the household functional. We’ve made this trade a couple of times over the years. In April 2022, we tagged off.

My wife is working full-time. She’s a mental health counsellor. I’m now the main home person. Main meal maker and cleaner.

I also do some teaching for a university online. It was a side gig for many years when I worked full-time and finished my doctorate in Education. I am faculty for three Communications courses (Technical Writing, Proposal and Grant Writing, and Communications in Crisis Scenarios). This keeps a modest part-time income coming in.

Strength-focused and Specific.

My main focus is digital writing and creation. I started on Medium in June 2022. I shuffled out of the gate with a few stories per month. Then more in September and October. In mid-November, I decided to put more focus here.

In the past couple of weeks, I have applied to write for Publications. I also started being more ‘social’. It works. That has included connecting with Veronica Llorca-Smith 💎 and this publication.

Two weeks ago, on Medium I was in the mid-40s for followers. As I am writing this article mid-December that has doubled.

• My goal is to pass 100 Followers before the New Year and enter the Partner Program.
• By April 1st, the one-year mark of starting this independent creator business, I intend to be close to 1000 followers.

I plan to do that through consistent and persistent creation. I really enjoy writing and posting on this platform. By June, I plan to be in the $100 club. I will also be engaging daily — being social. Let’s connect if you have some similar objectives.

On LinkedIn, I currently have almost 2,400 connections-followers. That is over double what I was in May 2022 when I started.

• I intend to be double that again by April 1, 2023 — and closer to 10,000 by Jan 1, 2024.

On Twitter, I am currently approaching 140 followers.

• I intend to be over 1,000 by Jan. 1, 2024.

On Substack, I publish a free weekly newsletter: Box Cutter. I will publish my 7th newsletter this weekend. I have 20 subscribers within 7 weeks of setting up.

• By the end of 2023, I intend to have at least 1,000.

I have four small guides posted on Gumroad. These are flexibly priced. I have not sold anything yet, but:

• I intend to have at least 3 ebooks and 2 courses posted by the end of 2023.

I have set modest goals financially for myself.

My goal was $1,000 in November, December, and January. I achieved this through a small writing contract in November (almost $2,000). I just picked up another small project for December. These came through a LinkedIn connection and a former colleague.

• By April 1st, marking one year of leaving my salaried employment, I intend to be at $5,000 per month.

This will be through a combination of ‘small bets’ as Daniel Vasallo tagged them. Online creation, digital products, Medium, and contracted projects.

Neither my wife nor I had, or have, illusions of grandeur starting this initiative. For many months I have been studying, learning, connecting, watching, and most importantly creating, writing, and pushing ‘publish’.

I have an eclectic professional background. I have a Doctor of Education (Ed.D). However, I have learned far more in the past 8 months than I did in a doctoral program that cost me about $60,000 and took 5 years. And that was a program that specializes in Online Education.

The real deal?

Without a hint of dishonesty or being disingenuous… for eight months now I wake up early every day. Some days it’s close to 5 a.m. No alarm. Keen. Excited.

My mind dancing with: “What am I going to write today? What am I going to discover today? Who might I connect with?”

Eight months. No snooze button. Excitement. Fitness.

I have a regular practice of writing in a journal — stream of consciousness, with a bit of purpose. Some intention. Some rough sketching of ideas and thoughts.

Then I get at it.

Respond to messages and connection requests. Be ‘social’. Prime the platforms by connecting with others, then post.

I am usually steady at it with breaks, until early afternoon. Then, one of the other reasons I’m doing this: get outside, be physical, and stay fit and active.

It is over 200 days now that I have got outside for some form of activity. We have an energetic 1-year-old puppy. And, a 10-year-old (thinks she’s a puppy still). Our older dog is a therapy dog and generally goes to work with my wife. The puppy does not. We head out for what we affectionately call Zoomie-time. A walk, a snowshoe, a short mountain bike ride.

This summer and fall, I rode my bike a lot. I did my first endurance event in late September. A five-day gravel bike race. I absolutely loved it. I love to ride and have fallen in love with gravel biking.

After my stepfather’s accident, I was hesitant to get out on the highways. We have thousands of kilometres of gravel roads to ride literally out our back door. I am the fittest I have been in about a decade and a half. With that fitness comes a clearer mind. Better sleeps. Healthier eating and habits.

I am resolved to continue that. I also have the resolve to do another endurance bike event — potentially two.

With COVID restrictions lifting, I’m looking to events outside of Canada, or in parts of Canada, I have never visited. And then… maybe further afar.

Death as motivator, not a downer.

Death comes for us all. And some deaths are simply a closing of a chapter and a new beginning. For decades, and because I’ve navigated many deaths — family members, friends, athletes I coached, and more — I keep death in mind.

2023 will be the last before I enter my 50s. The number of stories I see of men my age (in particular) dropping dead from a heart attack, is too numerous. Or, of people that work their entire adult lives for a retirement that arrives with a cancer diagnosis.

Not for me. Not in our household.

We have committed to living with more purpose and on purpose. Our purposes, our choices. My wife loves her work. She loves being part of people’s healing journeys.

I had the privilege to for work many years and provide a good steady income for our household through salary and benefits and regularly scheduled holidays. But that time has come and gone. Janus is watching that in the rearview mirror.

This coming year is one where our household thrives.

When we live on purpose, our kids see this and absorb it. They can see that they don’t have to live a life that anyone says they “should”. They have choice; they have agency.

We have a: “don’t should on me” rule in our household. “Keep your ‘should’ to yourself” we say. “Don’t go shoulding all over other people.”

Keep me accountable

Keep track of these resolutions for and with me. I write regularly here on Medium. I intend to share as I continue to ‘practice in public’. To those of you building similar, reach out, lets build and support together.

Come connect on any of the other platforms. My newsletter comes out weekly, and I share updates — as well as look to build some level of community.

What an enjoyable contest to write a piece for. If you got this far, drop a note and let me know what you think.

To some peace and prosperity in 2023.