Wiping the Gunk Away: A 10 year reflection of being single

Summary

Stacy reflects on the past decade of her life, marking significant changes in her personal life, including her divorce and the subsequent embrace of single life, as well as her recent move to a larger living space which has prompted both physical and mental decluttering.

Abstract

In a personal essay titled "Wiping the Gunk Away: A 10 year reflection of being single," Stacy shares her journey through the last decade, which has been marked by significant life changes. She describes the need to cleanse herself of the day's mental and emotional residue, often leading to late-night showers and a desire to reset. The essay delves into her experiences around her birthday, contrasting the lack of celebration from her ex-husband during their marriage with her current sense of anticipation and excitement for the future. Stacy recounts the end of her marriage, which coincided with her move back to Kalamazoo and the beginning of her single life. Over the years, she has moved several times, each transition reflecting a change in her circumstances. Most recently, she has moved into a larger apartment, which has provided her with not only physical space but also a mental clarity that she equates with a fresh start. Stacy acknowledges the transformative nature of her current situation, recognizing it as a period of significant personal growth and the opening of a new chapter in her life.

Opinions

Stacy views her late-night showers as a symbolic act of cleansing herself of the day's thoughts and feelings.
She believes that her brain is also undergoing a process of "downloading" or reorganizing thoughts and experiences that were previously crowded out.
Stacy reflects on her past marriage with a sense of closure, noting the lack of celebration from her ex-husband as a turning point for her decision to leave.
The act of moving to a larger space is seen by Stacy as more than just a physical change; it represents a "right sizing" of her life and an opportunity for personal growth.
Stacy expresses excitement about the future, despite not knowing exactly what it holds, indicating a positive outlook on life post-divorce.
She invites readers to share if they have had similar experiences, suggesting a sense of community and shared human experience in personal transformation.

Wiping the Gunk Away: A 10 year reflection of being single

Have you ever felt the need to wipe away the energies of the day? I’ve felt it a lot lately. And sometimes, like today, it is a reason for me to take a shower at 3am and eventually go back to sleep instead of waiting and starting my day.

What do I mean by “energies of the day?” The thoughts that won’t go away. The feelings from listening to others or hearing the news or reading the reactions to any of the above. I want to clear the brain and reset (and actually sleep). Today, I find the need to write first.

One of my reflections lately has been about my birthday. The last post came before my birthday. Now that the odometer has officially flipped over, I am almost two weeks into a new decade. A friend ahead of me in the same year reassured me that it would be ok and there wouldn’t be zombies after me, or anything like that.

The other reason I have thought a lot about this birthday is because as an adult it has always been my effort to celebrate, especially for decade birthdays. Ten years ago I was still married. My (ex) husband had a decade birthday first and made a fuss about celebrating. When my turn came around — nothing. Our anniversary happened to be in October a couple of weeks later. My ex not only had to work, he didn’t offer to make plans over a different weekend, which is what we previously had done. The marriage, at least from my point of view, was rocky for many reasons. After the anniversary discussion I decided that I was finished. Instead of celebrating a relationship, I went apartment hunting, happy, at least, that I’d be returning to Kalamazoo. By the end of October I had moved (with the cat) and (re)started single life.

I moved several times since first returning to Kalamazoo. Some moves I chose to do while others I had to. For example, when the landlady died and the family wanted to make sure the house could be included as part of the estate. I had time, as long as I hurried up.

Moving this year is not something I expected. I actually have enjoyed living in a studio and made it feel cozy. I guess it had been more cramped than I realized, though. When the opportunity to move upstairs came along, I jumped. I could’ve moved to a bigger studio, too. I was only interested in the upstairs apartment. So for the last two weeks of September, I figured out where things generally would go and moved (with some help) upstairs to an apartment with three or four times the space. It seemed “right sized” — not as big as when I rented entire houses, and still bigger than the studio.

What I have noticed is that there is a different feeling when you have the space to move around. I will still be downsizing things. I believe my brain is also trying to download things. Maybe things that I didn’t completely have the room to put it in. Or the words to express. Or lost when in places too big. So, here I am at 4 in the morning, reflecting. I feel cleaner from writing as much as from showering. Just like that first move to the single life, this feels like a transition, too. Like there is more happening than the fact of organizing from a move. It’s probably been happening, and I am at a point where things slowed down enough (I mean, it IS 4am!) that I can acknowledge this change.

I have to say that I am excited. I also want to note that the last 10 years, even the parts more recently, seem like a long time ago (yes, in a galaxy far away, too). It’s experience, yet right now and whatever is coming up is what seems exciting and I don’t even know what that is. Have you had any similar experience?

Thanks for reading!

Stacy

Originally published at sundayswithstacy.wordpress.com on October 12, 2018.