Wings of Love & Surrender

Dialogues of belief between the Dancer and the Dance

Sometimes I wish to be a bird. For in my opinion, they fly uninhibited in the sky, choosing to be this or that. They have no one passing judgements but just lovers zooming into their details with the binoculars. They might always be on guard, full of fear, yet ready to risk it all choosing to be here or there.

But I chose to be an Indian Classical Dancer instead. Supported by my family but not as much by the ones who were my guides. I have been questioned about the relevance of a 2500-year-old art form, been given the status of second to the others, been filled with doubts about the honesty of my artistry, been left in the dark. These mentors are dancers, artists and path-breakers; then why not be the light to me? This question used to leave me perplexed.

No, not so much anymore! For I have grown my own feathers, dyed them in the hues of my choice and flown away from the nest created for many. I know I can’t answer for others, and why they left me with clouded opinions, self-doubt and over imposed judgements, but I have the power to choose my own flight plan.

Walk without feet. Fly without wings. Think without mind. -Osho

All through the years of being a young adult, I was searching. Finding the ground to cover the expressions as a dancer. Discover the canopies of limelight to perch over. Figure out my conversations with the possible wingspan. And I often felt caged. Like a royal king or queen who had been enchanted by a dancing bird and decided to construct another in limitedness.

Seeing my skills of giving, devotion, surrender and non confrontationalist attitude; I would fit into the larger expanse of the world of dance. So, a golden cage with gem-studded bars was made for me. What existed was the sparkling allure of being a performer, the preciousness of being the star pupil, the rewards of just dancing and pushing the self, the immersion into art.

I danced and danced till I could keep dancing. Smiling from the heart because this is what brought me joy. Crying out my pain, frustration and distress. Navigating through the rhythm of good and bad, for both exist in equality. Seeking expressions of approval, finding confidence in being the lesser, learning the new only to realise it was given and not mine.

One day I was jolted into realization, Is this my Dance?

And then began the churning.

Will I have my own dialogue with dance having walked a tight rope? Will I know my movement from the taught? Will I be able to create my own gait having been boxed? Will I know my own space, ability and emotion having been lost in the crowd? Will I be a known or an unknown to the real art of dance?

Somewhere after flowing rivers from the eyes. Crossing nightmares in the day. Collecting the broken fragments of the heart, I heard the song;

For the one who truly seeks, there is only one way; the path of light.

For the one who wants freedom, there is only one way; the path of surrender.

For the one who wishes to dissolve the quest, there is only one way; the path of love.

And suddenly the tears flowed in joy. The fear transformed to dreams. The pieces created a complete whole. The dancer became the dance.

Truth is to see things as they are without form. Light is to know things as they exist without meaning. Surrender is the revelation of being alive in awareness. Love is the ultimate path to liberation beyond the self.

From that day on, for me dance is beyond expression, movement, rhythm, emotion… it is the ultimate energy which connects me to the macrocosm. Dance is Me and I am Dance, we continue our conversations free of the cages constructed in time and space.

Dance; is each moment lived with complete abandon and total awareness.

I feel like a bird With my two wings of trust and sacrifice I wish to explore the skies perching on the clouds I desire to converse with the flowers singing to the buds I want to be coloured like the rainbow embracing the thunder I need to feel the spring having weathered the storm

I explore like a bird With my two wings of awareness and freedom Choosing to create a structured nest, I own the entire universe Dropping the weight of settling on branches, I let go of fear to be in a flock Navigating through the riddles, I am inspired by inconclusiveness Reaching for the formless dreams, I fly writing the free verse in openness

I witness like a bird With my two wings of abandon and acceptance From expanding the wings to shedding the quills From singing the unique notes to seeking the horizon From the merry song of hope at dawn to the silence of the darkness From calling for the one soul to awakening the world in love

I choose to be a poem in this Kingdom of words Always flying with my wings of Love and Surrender I am that spirited, winged bird alive in this dance of life!

Thank you Liberty Forrest, Author for such an exceptional prompt on the publication Hope* Healing* Humour. One that makes me continue my dance dialogues with conviction and strength.

Please do read the work of Erik Rittenberry, The Artist. Being an artist, I so resonate with his words and emotions.

The author is an Indian Classical Dancer, Performer, Educator, Storyteller, Writer and TEDx Speaker. For more works from her, do follow on Instagram and Facebook.