Win More Arguments. Burn Fewer Bridges.

Life hacks for argumentative people (and everyone that has to put up with them).

Philosopher David Hume said truth is born out of arguments with friends. But, if you approach every argument like a bare-knuckled cage match, it’s likely causing you more harm than good.

If you get a bad wrap for being too confrontational, try these strategies to improve your communication finesse and argumentative results.

You (and the people that have to put up with you) will be glad that you did.

1. Talk less. Listen more.

This can be hard. You're argumentative. Arguing is what you do.

But, shutting up for a hot second and paying attention to what the other person is saying has three big benefits:

1. Active listening will win you more arguments. Paying close attention during an argument enables you to spot weaknesses in the logic of your opponent. Those vulnerabilities in logic can then be used as awe-inspiring, end of the discussion, clap backs. Talk less. Win more.
2. Listening is reciprocal. Humans are imitators. Allowing your opponent to speak without interruption is more likely to give you uninterrupted speech time in return. Without the fear of being talked over, you can more clearly articulate your point. That’s good for everyone involved!
3. You might be wrong. Knowing when you’re wrong will win you more arguments. Believe it or not, accepting defeat graciously builds credibility and an awareness of how to improve your approach the next time you’re in a similar disagreement. Society really needs more people to admit when they’re wrong. Help us get crackin’ on that.

2. Ask questions. Listen to the answer, then respond.

You might see questions as just a chance to catch your breath in conversation. But, upping your question game can be a tactic for exposing weaknesses in an argument as well as an exercise in empathy.

In order to get the most out of your questions, remember this:

1. Be curious, not combative. Not every line of questioning should feel like a congressional hearing. Yes, there are times when a no non-sense, approach is necessary. However, asking questions from a place of curiosity can put everyone’s guard down and foster open dialogue. Sincere, unloaded questions also show respect for the person on the other side of the debate. Never forget the person you’re disagreeing with usually always deserves their humanity.
2. Putting a question mark at the end of a statement doesn’t magically turn it into a question. Long-winded and meandering declarations that precede a, “don’t you agree?” are a calling card for the world’s most obnoxious humans in the world. Avoid them at all costs.
3. Instead, be concise. Short questions have enhanced clarity and are more likely to provide you with valuable information. Long questions tend to be imprecise and allow your opponent to stall or avoid answering the question altogether. Get effective with your questions.

3. Make Strategic Agreements.

The thought of admitting you were wrong might make you shudder. However, recognizing when you’re losing an argument is actually an inroad to more argumentative success in the long run.

Here’s why:

1. Flexible arguments bend but don’t break. Strategically conceding allows you to focus more on the weaker areas of your opponent's strategy. It also allows you to develop nuanced arguments that can be more persuasive and harder to refute. Well prepared, nuanced arguments will always be tough to beat.
2. Strategic agreements are more persuasive than disputing facts. If there is a path of least resistance, it's showing you can simultaneously agree and disagree with your opponent. Audience members and innocent bystanders alike will be impressed with your candor. It makes you look wise and confident.

To help you better understand what I mean, here are a few examples:

Strategic Agreement Example #1

“I agree that showing patriotism at football games is good, but I think that patriotism includes expressing your first amendment right to kneel during the national anthem.”

Strategic Agreement Example #2

“I agree the United States should prevent people who wish to do harm from entering the country, however, immigrants don’t pose a serious risk.”

Strategic Agreement Example #3

“Yes, the president abused his power, but that’s not an impeachable offense!”

Some strategic agreements are better than others. But in the long run, you will win more arguments by making fewer AND you piss fewer people off in the process. It’s a win-win.

4. Argue about things you don’t actually believe in.

There’s a fine line between trolling and what I’m asking you to do. But, playing ‘devil's advocate’ on the regular can be a useful mental and emotional exercise. Here’s why:

1. Practice makes perfect. Taking up a position you don’t believe in allows you to formulate stronger opinions of the things you do believe. This is the result of looking at an issue from multiple sides. You get a better understanding of why the other side is wrong, which makes you better at explaining why you’re right. Taking the other side of an argument also gets you to utilize those critical thinking and communication skills you’ll need when your arguments go live. Just don’t overdo this. Know when to exercise restraint or be ready to accept your trolly little fate.
2. You get angry less often. If you can have fun with this exercise it will improve your emotional composure when it really matters. Emotion, while a powerful tool in the right situations, can ruin your cause in more typical spaces of disagreement. Detaching your emotions from your arguments is easier when you don’t actually care about the outcome and the more often you do it, the easier you’ll be able to switch off the feelings and intimidate the competition with your cold-blooded refutation.

5. Use your Argumentative Super Powers for Good

With great argument comes great responsibility. This means, instead of constantly trying to prove the validity of Earth’s ice wall, you should start looking for ways to support other people with your talents.

Here are a few suggestions to try:

1. Learn to commiserate. Instead of perpetually picking things apart, learn to consult and express sympathy for others. Seek out common ground and complain together even if you don’t agree with everything they say.

2. Be the best resource for information you can be. Your friends already think you know everything. So, be the friend they can come to for credible information and careful analysis of hot topics and current events.

3. Accept being wrong. Admit when you don’t know. Winning an argument is important but it isn’t everything. Humility and honesty can go a long way in improving your relationships without sacrificing your need for disagreement.

There are plenty of other ways to help out. I’m sure you can come up with a few of your own. Whatever your plan is, just make sure you put those skills to good use!

When dialogue turns to demagoguery relationships get toxic. Things get divisive. But, within every argument lies a radical potential. A potential to bond and heal the fractured relationships in your life. A chance to learn more about the world in front of you.

In our hyper-individualized and politically divisive society, there is a great need for constructive dialogue. Hopefully, these strategies will allow you to become that change. We’ll all be grateful you did.