The Power of Forgiveness & Restorative Justice: Lessons Learned From Will Smith’s Apology To Janet Hubert

Healing, self-checks, reconciliation, and representation

Full circle moment

Can you believe that The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is 30 years old? 1990 we were introduced to Will, Uncle Phil, and the original Aunt Viv, played by Janet Hubert and we loved fell in love with Will Smith and his TV family.

Well, apparently it wasn’t all Carlton dances, good times and giggles. A family feud was brewing and things got so serious behind the scenes Aunt Viv was replaced in the third season of the show. Verbal shots were fired and the war of words began between Will and Janet that wounded both parties, but only left the woman down. While Will rose to meteoric fame and amassed a fortune becoming an A-list actor, Janet was shunned and blacklisted for offending Hollywood’s golden boy. Her reputation and career was ruined, and she couldn’t recover because Will “went too far and didn’t know the power of his words”.

In 2004, Will Smith stared in the animated film Shark Tale where he played a misguided fish who hurt and sacrificed his friends and family to chase the glamour of fame. Will’s character soon discovered that money can’t buy love, connection, respect or happiness. The beautiful and incomparable India Arie wrote and sang the song, Get It Together for the movie soundtrack. In a haunting scene from the movie, India sang:

One shot to your heart without breaking your skin No one has the power to hurt you like your kin Kept it inside, didn’t tell no one else Didn’t even want to admit it to yourself And now your chest burns and your back aches From 15 years of holding the pain And now you only have yourself to blame If you continue to live this way

Get it together You want to heal your body You have to heal your heart Whatsoever you sow you will reap Get it together…India Arie

The Prince and his evolution

Sixteen years later, look at The Fresh Prince all grown up and getting it together on Red Table Talk! Who would think funny and fantastically successful Will Smith “from West Philadelphia born and raised…” would present one of the most beautiful display’s of Black love and forgiveness on a 30 minute web series on Facebook? It was touching and groundbreaking!

First, on behalf of Black women — thank you Will for publicly apologizing to Janet Hubert and allowing her to tell her story. I cried tears of sorrow, sadness and relief as she shared her 20+year struggle and sacrifice. We watched you listen and learn from her words, strength, majesty and ability to sincerely and lovingly surrender and forgive. Those hugs were magical…

The beauty, blessing and curse of Black women is our innate ability to unconditionally love and humbly forgive Black men for unspeakable sins and slights without reciprocity.

The conversation between Janet and Will was a significant moment that needed to happen and needed to be seen in the Black community and the whole world. It showed us the depth and power of our words and how money and power corrupts. Their conflict showed how race, gender, age and perception added fuel to the fire and how an inexperienced, wounded Black boy with the money and the massive machine of Hollywood was and can be weaponized. Janet’s pain was palatable, but the love and forgiveness she showed Will was awe inspiring. I felt honored and blessed to witness their reunion and reconciliation.

Yet, this is also a cautionary tale for all celebrities, especially Black male celebrities. I beg Black men to watch what they say as it pertains to Black women. Speak of us and handle us with care and consideration. Will had no clue the power he had in his youth or how others in powerful positions intentionally harmed Janet on his behalf and allegedly at his request.

The healing power of forgiveness

Thank you, Janet for your generosity of spirit and being open and receptive to Will’s apology, humbly sharing your pain and forgiving Will.

Thank you, Will for showing the world how speak to and LUV Black women even in conflict. Will said he learned how to “luv” after years of therapy, self reflection, his marriage and his relationship with his daughter (and twin) Willow. The acronym “LUV” stands for:

Listen to the person — before you speak

Understand the other person, before trying to be understood

Validate the other person’s feelings that you agree with

I love that acronym and he truly demonstrated it during his conversation with Janet. It allows you to honor the person, their experience — while honoring yourself by acknowledging what you agree and not debating what you don’t understand or accept.

The Three R’s: Reconciliation, Representation and Restorative Justice

It took Will 20+years to check himself and realize he needed to resolve this conflict. Although Janet is his elder, Will was the most powerful and he admitted that he used and abused his power and influence to unfairly fight and win their feud.

Youth is a powerful weapon, but a youthful ego with lots of money is dangerous. I agree with Dr. Ramani Durvasula that Will did an excellent job explaining his youthful ignorance without making it an excuse.

That is how you use your influence, power and platform for self-improvement and the good of the community!

However, I felt that Will and Dr. Ramani’s debrief only scratched the surface…

#RepresentationMatters While I understand that Dr. Ramani was there for Will, I thought her analysis and feedback was a little biased and lacked essential insight and sensitivity that only comes from lived experience and cultural competency as a Black or African American person. She didn’t really push Will or address his abuse of power, but most importantly she didn’t seem to show empathy for Janet’s plight. As a matter of fact, she said she felt “the energy [of Janet] coming at [Will]” and complimented him on his response.

This was troubling because it implied that Janet was attacking or a real threat to Will when she was asked to tell her story and nothing about Janet’s voice, demeanor or body language was threatening. Janet was clearly in a lot of pain, but her gaze remained open and loving. Dr. Ramani’s word choice and summarization inadvertently perpetuated the stereotype and false narrative that Janet was angry or aggressive during their conversation and that simply was not the case.

I don’t think Dr. Ramani or Will understood how hurtful and harmful that inaccurate observation can be to Black women. The fact no one caught this speaks to the level of implicit bias we all have and it needs to be examined. Secondly, I think Dr. Ramani likes and respects Will and her career too much to go deeper. However, I think a Black female therapist wouldn’t have had a different perspective and discussed making amends or restorative justice.

“I’m sorry” feels good in the moment, but it doesn’t doesn’t make things “all better” nor address the harm done. I hope Will made it right outside of the Red Table and the reunion. Revealing how and why his hurt inner child raged, targeted and destroyed this woman’s career is amazing and again a humbling revelation.

Nevertheless, serious damage was done that negatively impacted her career, finances and quality of life for the last 27 years. This is triggering for me because my career was damaged by men who heartlessly and carelessly cast me aside to cover their prejudice acts, inadequacies and abuse of power… Now, I’m still trying to pick up the pieces while my privileged perpetrators got golden parachutes.

One man retired and the other landed a cushy job working for a major nonprofit dismissing and damaging more Black and brown people (making jokes about drinking during Zoom staff meetings). Almost 2 years later, this holiday season, I’m packing and frantically looking for a place to stay in between my job search and working a part-time job. So, I can totally relate to Janet’s journey and feel her pain.

This woman was ridiculed, bullied and publicly humiliated. She paid the price for a man’s anger and youthful ignorance. While this isn’t a unique experience for women — for Black women this is layered by systemic racism that most men and women outside our community don’t experience. Dr. Ramani simply can’t understand or relate to the historical pain and trauma a Black woman feels being hurt and betrayed by her own people and the powers that be...

Restorative justice Money isn’t the answer to everything — but I think it would help because Will understands the safety and security of money… Retroactively paying Janet her salary for the years she missed on the show might help and/or putting a nice pension or fund to the side so she can live the rest of years with some comfort and security — would be real restorative justice. Too many Black entertainers die destitute — used and abused by a heartless industry. Oh and Will shouldn’t be the only one paying. He should pay a part of it, but the network and the production company that helped target and destroy her should also make restitution.

Justice should have restitution and as part of the restoration process…It’s not a handout it’s making things right — to give the victim the power of choice and options to heal and move on. It’s kind of hard to move on when you’re worried about basic necessities like food, shelter and safety.

I’m sorry I went dark and deep, but our community and this country is in crisis because we can’t handle the truth. The truth is: listening and learning from others speaking their truth is the only path to freedom. Justice and freedom isn’t free and until it starts to be — we need to put our money where our mouth is! #EconomicJustice is essential to social and restorative justice!

No fairytales but still a happy ever after

This show was beautiful and necessary — Will needed to make things right before he celebrated his career changing, iconic show, The Fresh Prince of Bel- Air. The reunion show simply would not be complete without Janet.

I love that Will showed the ultimate form of strength and put his ego aside, and “luv(ed)” Janet enough to listen, learn and share this journey of self discovery, healing and reconciliation with the world.

This was a great show about forgiveness, personal and professional growth. I wish Dr. Ramani would have pushed Will a little more, but this was great start. It showed the dark side fame and the consequences of our words and actions, it was great to see Janet and Will show America the power of compassion and love and how it conquered and healed 27 year old wounds.

Thank you for reading.