Will AirTags Break Your Heart in Pieces?

Tracking device has a unique feature for Mom

When I first heard of AirTags, I had no idea how they would shred my heart into pieces.

For readers who are unfamiliar with these devices, they are small, round devices featuring location services. If you have an item with an AirTag on it and the item gets lost, you will be able to locate said item by using the FindMy App on your phone. Your phone will actually direct you to the lost device, step-by-step to find the item. I purchased 4 of them, because I lose things. Each one has a name. I have one on my keys.

I have found this device very beneficial, already locating missing keys in a grocery store and tracking a pet when camping. The AirTag would ping my phone, “Backpack has been left behind.” This is not an Apple endorsement, but the $25.00 price tag was well worth finding my lost keys and backpack only minutes after leaving them somewhere.

I gave one to my adult daughter to put on her keys. I named it after her: Daughter. She lives alone, out of state and has no way to get back into her house if she locks herself out or loses her keys. If she loses her keys while out on the beach, I can track them and she will be able to get the keys and not be left stranded. The AirTag gives me peace of mind.

I hadn’t anticipated I can utilize this device to see where she is. Before you think I am hugely overstepping my bounds and invading her privacy, I did tell her what this device does. I promised not to snoop and she promised to keep it on her keys. The device was priceless one day she called with a broken down car. I was able to track her walking to get help, getting a ride, and being able to fix the problem safely.

I watch a lot of crime/forensic shows and the disturbing things happening to young women who live alone. AirTags don’t make me less fearful, but there is a slight level of assurance I may be able to find her if she goes missing. The AirTag helps me sleep at night.

Then it broke my heart.

I hugged her quickly as she dropped me off at the airport. I went through security, found the gate, grabbed a seat, sat down and looked at my phone.

Here I go leaving her all alone in a strange city, at a new school, with no friends, and a freshly furnished apartment. I am flying thousands of miles away, to another coast. She won’t be able to call me to wrap her sprained ankle, help with assembling furniture, sanitize her new apartment, cook her dinners or all of the things I had been doing for her.

“Daughter left behind.”

I am leaving her in a new city, as she transferred to a new school; during a worldwide pandemic. I felt like the worst mother in the world.

I have to go home, but my home is where my heart is; and my heart is with her. I didn’t need my tracker to tell me I was leaving her behind.

My heart hurts to leave her and know we may never see each other again. I can no longer rescue her. I look at my phone and see the poignant message staring at me.

“Daughter left behind.”

Her life is in her hands. That is what happens when children leave the nest. It is as it should be. But it stinks. I am leaving my heart with her, and leaving her behind hurts.

This is what it means to be a mother. To have my heart outside of my own body 2,300 miles away, to know I couldn’t survive a world without her in it.

I wipe away the tears, get on the plane and fly far, far away. Because it is what I need to do. What she needs me to do. Birds need to fly.

And like every mother who has dropped their child off at dorms in a new city for the first, second or multiple times; we learn to find our own space. Whether its 30 or 2,300 miles away, we will always be waiting, praying, and hoping all will be well.

Still, I may peek at my AirTag tracker from time to time, just to know she’s OK.

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© November 2022 A. Roe