Wild Uncensored Optimism
Rising green graphs and the smell of green grass
I woke up this morning to a great pink dawn of unrestrained optimism. I could smell my neighbor’s fresh mown grass and everywhere I looked things were being born.
As everything was birthing, growing, looking up, looking promising, rising, I just had to check my Medium stats and earnings. And just as I suspected, everything was trending up and up and up.
My month’s total income, over night, jumped from $23.12 to $24.66. I had 112 notifications, and my latest green graph had a healthy erection, well over the 100 view mark.
This clearly was a call for exuberance, euphoria, ecstasy. Walt Whitman’s Song of Myself suddenly came to mind:
“I celebrate myself, And what I assume you shall assume For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.”
Yeah, I was celebrating myself alright. And my inflated ego would be your inflated ego. My phallic green graphs and soaring income of one gigantic dollar and fifty-four fuck-you cents also belonged to you! Magnanimity became me. I was Walt Goddamn Whitman himself.
“The smoke of my own breath, Echoes, ripples, and buzzed whispers…loveroot, silkthread, crotch and vine,…”
Blast of bombast from my own breath as I moaned in ecstasy over my own earnings as if I just won the lottery, peering up at my majestic green graphs like skyscrapers. Echoes, sweet love whispers, moneyroot, crotch and fine wine,…
“My respiration and inspiration…the beating of my heart… the passing of blood and air through my lungs, The sniff of green leaves and dry leaves,…”
The passing of gas and hot air, the sniff of horseshit in the crisp morning sky…
“The sound of the belched words of my voice…words loosed to the eddies of the wind…”
Can you hear it? Can you smell it?
I was a brand new man, born again, a rich man, well on my way to the $50,000 club and 500 X Top Writer status. Belching my way to success, loosening my listicles to the four winds!
© Carlo Zeno 2022
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Thanks for coming on this journey with me. If you like this sort of crap, you can view two more colossal instances of delusion and grandeur below.