Why You Shouldn’t Want to Visit Australia

Or at least, why I don’t

Ah, Australia.

That beautiful Oceanic country that everyone seems to want to visit these days.

Well, not me.

Not even a little bit.

I know what you’re thinking. “You don’t travel by plane, and you live in Canada. Of course you don’t want to visit Australia.”

Well, true, but that’s not my main reason.

And it’s also not because of the January “incident” in my home province, where a kangaroo (an Australian animal, of course) went AWOL during transport, was found days later, and thanked its rescuers by punching a cop in the face.

(Yes, that really happened. Google it.)

No, it’s because of this:

Giant Spiders.

What, you haven’t heard?

Have you not SEEN the videos online?

Dude was living with an 8-legged friend who was bigger than his head! And he acted like this was totally NORMAL. He even named it.

It gave me the heeby-jeebies.

Of course, I had to look it up, to see if this apparent abomination was real. Horrifically, it seems to be.

From what I could gather, we are talking about the “Whistling Spider” — the largest spider on the continent, according to the Australian Museum.

Its body can grow up to 6cm in body length, and its legs can span up to 16cm.

Hellz no!

I would rather stay here where the wind hurts my face than visit the land of enormous arachnids.

The spiders in my house are little, and can be easily scooped into a glass and carried outside. (Yes, I am that person).

So no…no Australia for me. Not now…and possibly not ever!

(Although I do think Koalas are pretty cute…)

I suggest you stay away, too.

I will end this incredibly random post by tagging Anthony English. He has to live with these unfortunate hell beasts.

Godspeed, my friend.

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