Why You Shouldn’t Compare Siblings?
Consequences Of Comparison Between Siblings
“Why are you so dumb? Why can’t you be like your brother Jake? All you do is sit there with your ugly paintings!
Is that even an achievement?! Why can’t you make me proud for once, James?
You are just a burden to me, and sometimes I wish Jake was my only son”!
Mrs. Lily said to my friend’s brother right in front of me. I stood there shaking as though I was the one she was referring to because of the rage at which she stormed into the room we were in with James as he was excitedly showing us his new paintings.
But all that excitement vanished after Mrs. Lily poured out her rage on her son James. She shouldn’t have acted that way in the presence of his little sister and me, or at least not even in my presence.
I was there, and I could imagine the pain and embarrassment he felt. This is what so many teenagers, youths and even children go through in their own homes with their biological parents.
So many parents have made it a habit always to compare the achievement of one sibling to another; both teenagers and even children have, in one way, been compared with their siblings in terms of talents, academic performance, intelligence, behavior, and many more.
Most teenagers give up on their dreams and aspirations because they have been looked down upon mentally and emotionally. In this article, we will discuss some common effects of comparison between siblings and ways it can be avoided or corrected.
What Are The Negative Effects Of Sibling Comparison?
Most parents have this misconception that if they compare their children with one another or with another child, which could be their classmates, friend’s child, or neighbor’s child, the child will try to imitate the person or try to become better than them.
Here are ways comparison between children can affect them:
- Low self-esteem
When you, as a parent, constantly compare your teen with their sibling, they will start having a feeling that they are worthless or will amount to no good.
This can make them reluctant to pursue their goals and aspirations, slowly affecting their life’s progress.
This can also make them believe they are useless whenever they fail a task, and may refuse to try again because you have ingrained that mentality in them.
2. Depression
When you make a habit of comparing your children with each other, this will affect the mental state of the other sibling, who is always compared to the other.
If this continues, depression will slowly creep in, and this will escalate their mental state negatively. Children who are always compared with their siblings usually go through mental stress and sometimes experience tension.
3. Isolation
Most victims of comparison always distance their selves from their family members, especially their parents, to avoid being compared to their siblings.
This may make them engage with the wrong company of people or friends, which may further affect their future development and progress in life.
4. Rival among siblings
When the effort of a child is not seen or regarded as nothing when compared to their sibling, it will lead to competition between the siblings, each trying to prove to their parents that they are better off than the other; this may further lead to rivalry and hatred against each other.
Some siblings may try to hurt the other sibling to get all the praise alone or to be regarded and loved by the rest of the family members.
5. Dissociation from social activities
Continuous comparison between siblings will also make the neglected
one feel less important.
It will make him withdraw from social activities with families, friends, and relatives to avoid being compared.
It may also get to a point where they will no longer care about what their parents want or expect from them; they will no longer try to please their parents, living a carefree life or carelessly pursuing their dreams.
Why You Shouldn’t Compare Siblings?
Parents must stop comparing siblings, especially parents who have made it their duty not just to compare but to pressure and force one sibling to behave or be like the other.
Most parents will show favor and care to the one that meets their expectations, while the sibling that doesn’t will not, hence opening the door to depression, loneliness, and rejection.
Another reason the comparison between siblings is terrible is that it mostly ruins the sibling relationship and promotes enmity and hatred from the neglected sibling to the favored and favorite one.
Parents must know that every child, teen, or youth is better and perfect in their own way; children should be guided and shouldn’t be pressured to become someone else. As a parent, your role in their lives is to guide and help them evolve.
What Should I Do If My Parents Compare Me To Others?
If you are the one who is continuously compared to or asked to be like your sibling, here are some guidelines or things you can do:
1. Acceptance is the first thing you must do to be happy; accept that you cannot control or make your parents give you more love, care, and support like your siblings. Be grateful for the little care you receive from them.
2. Be self-protective of yourself; do not absorb every negativity you get from people, including your parents.
Do not allow your parents or people to draw a line between you and your sibling.
3. Talk to your parents about it; they may be unaware that what they are doing is affecting your mental health and dream pursuit; their intention for the comparison may be to strengthen you and make you do better, let them know they are pulling you backward.
4. Focus: distractions can come in different forms through anything or anyone, including your parents. Continue to pursue your goal and try to bring out the best in you; someday, they will regard and appreciate your effort.
Conclusively, comparison between siblings is a wrong approach to raising a child or teenager, as it would have a bad effect on their life and mental well-being as a whole.
It could destroy their good personality and, worst of all, break relationships between siblings.
As parents, it is wrong to have a favorite child amongst others or show more care, love, and support to one child while the other(s) is/are struggling to get your attention.