Why You Shouldn’t Be Afraid to Stand up for Yourself

A step-by-step guide to speaking up and getting what you deserve

A couple of days ago a friend of mine in Bali reached out saying that she wants to quit her job. I was surprised because as long as I know, she loves the job and that what actually makes her stay in Bali for so long.

Then she replied with one line that almost everyone in the corporate jobs can relate to,

“There’s this manager at work who pushed me on the edge. She would humiliate me on our chat groups and constantly nitpicking, even about problems she doesn’t give a damn about. We meet face to face every single day yet she never said it in front of my face. So I had enough”

I couldn’t help but feel really bad for her. I know how it feels to be the person who always has to take all the blame because I’ve been there. And for so long I thought I had to suck it up, I thought it’s just gonna get better eventually — it wasn’t.

So since I’ve been in her exact position before, I told her what I did before. She then emailed the manager and made a clear statement that she feels uncomfortable being treated like that in front of the other co-workers. It didn’t take long until she came back and said that the situation is better now and more importantly, she’s glad she took an action to stand up for herself.

What I found is things like this happens quite a lot to so many people. Even to my brother who just started his first year in college. But I also realized not a lot of them are willing to do something about it because they think it’s just part of life. Yes, it is. But you can’t let people step on you when you’re capable of preventing it to happen.

How This Will Affect You in the Long Run?

There are some bad effects that people often overlooked when it comes to this issue:

• You don’t feel confident with your skills
• You tend to let people make the decision for you
• You have limiting beliefs on what and what you can’t achieve in life
• You don’t know your worth and always think you aren’t good enough
• You always feel insecure and anxious

So What Can You Do About It?

There’s a limit to how much we can take and if you are stuck in the same situation right now, you have to do something about it. Sure, you can quit your job and move to another job. But what if you encounter the same issue? you are gonna quit that job too? At some point, you have to face it and stand up for yourself.

The first step is to acknowledge your strength. List down all things you are good at. The purpose of doing this is to boost your confidence level and reduce your insecurity.

Practice affirmation words can also help a lot too. You will soon begin to realize that you are good enough. Even if there are people who judge you or talk bad about you, you’ll know that it’s not true and you are hella confident about this because no one else knows you better than yourself.

The second step is to learn how to be more assertive meaning you have to be clear when it comes to what you want and what you can/can’t tolerate. You also know how to set your boundaries respectfully.

Yes, it might be a bit uncomfortable at first, especially when you are introverts and have a hard time communicating what’s on your mind. But over time when you practice it, your relationships will others will get easier.

I myself had a really hard time standing up for myself but I also knew I had to do it at some point because I just couldn’t put up with the nonsense anymore. So when my boss put the blame on me and told me that what I did in the company wasn’t enough, I sent an email listing down all the things I’ve done and why she could be wrong.

As a result, she has begun to respect me more because I actually know my value. It does take a lot of courage to do it in the first place, but once you did it, the next time you encounter the same problem, it’s gonna be easier for you to tackle it.

The last step is to remind yourself that you do the right thing and you have every right to stand up for yourself. Too many times we feel bad for being assertive. Thought like this “am I being too harsh?” or even, “who do you think you are for saying bold things like that!” might cross your mind.

The thing is you don’t have to feel like a bad person. You should be proud of yourself for speaking up and not letting anyone devalue your worth.

Final Thoughts:

If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? — Rabbi Hillel ; Pirke Avot

But seriously, nobody will do it for you. So as long as you know you are on the right track and you are doing a great job, be it as a partner or an employee, you shouldn’t let anyone put you in a position where you don’t even feel like you are enough. So in order to avoid that to happen, you need to be comfortable standing up for yourself when it’s needed.

Here is how to do it in a summary:

• Acknowledge your strength and practice affirmation words to rebuild your self-esteem again.
• Be assertive when it comes to what you can and can’t tolerate. So no wishy-washy.
• Keep reminding yourself that you do the right thing by standing up for what you deserve and that you shouldn’t feel bad about it.

Hey, Thanks for reading! What’s your thought on this? Let’s share!:)