Why You Should Write “Unrelatable” Characters And How To Go About It

The necessities of creativity and invention

If one reads for escapism, can it also be said that they write for escapism as well?

If we seek out novels to achieve some sort of wish-fulfillment, is that why we so often become sad or angry if the story doesn’t go the way we want it to? Or if the ending totally sucks? Or if the protagonist is too whiny, “quirky”, or just not relatable enough that we end up rooting against her/him?

I’m currently writing a YA urban fantasy slow-burn romance novel (whew, that’s a lot of tags), and I’ve had these types of questions haunt me a lot during my writing process.

You can find my story link right here: Dark Wolfe . It’s the first draft, and it’s on Wattpad right now, so if you do check it out I sincerely apologize in advance.

I personally find my protagonist unrelatable. She has a lot of experiences that I’ve never had and never will. And she’s also quite unlike me — she doesn’t do passive-aggressive or avoid confrontations. She’s had a dark past that still haunts her, and her story is about how she finally finds her light and steps out of the darkness.

When I’m talking about “unrelatable” characters, I mean characters that you personally do not identify with or relate to. They may be of a different race or other marginalized groups, have a different personality or background, experience things you never have and some you hope you never will.

But isn’t that what you should aim for in writing?

“Write what you know” — Colson Whitehead.

But should you though?

I don’t find this advice all that useful in writing, especially to writers who wish to challenge themselves. If you make your characters too much like yourself, you can’t step back and see their flaws. I learned that in my Creative Writing course this semester, and I think it's really good advice.

As for my protagonist, I’d say it was a bit of a struggle to create a character who is kind of like me but also not, who has flaws that are very different from mine and still make her a person other people can identify with as well. But I think I’m pulling it off.

I actually find her way more awesome than I am. And from comments I’ve received from beta-readers, I’ve even succeeded in making her likable. No one likes an unlikeable protagonist.

As writers, we generally strive to make our protagonists be likable, even if we set out to make them unlikeable at times. Because, as I previously pointed out, we’re still putting a few of our souls into these characters, and we don’t want to hear someone say they don’t like our soul.

That’s just a total bummer.

So I’ve made my character stand on her own two feet as a person, but it still remains that many of her experiences are quite outside the realm of my own reality.

For example, there’ll be all these grand romance scenes later on in the story, and I am a single-pringle. You might think this ties into my earlier wish-fulfillment question, but it doesn’t really.

Okay, maybe just a little.

Thing is, I actually really like my single life. Men, I’ve found, are strange. I’ve dated some with agendas and thought-processes that, to this day, I still can’t wrap my head around them. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that I’ve become a little bit scared of men.

If you don’t believe me, you can check out this article here: https://readmedium.com/my-first-and-last-experience-dating-an-older-guy-4d0e015cdeaf

So how am I supposed to write about a romance that I’ve never experienced, with a nice, kind, supportive male love interest that I’ve honestly never met?

And it does not just question my main character’s life that keeps me up. She’s a person of color, like me, of different ethnicity, which means I need to represent her cultural identity as a minority while distancing my experiences from hers.

There are also quite a number of other marginalized characters in my story because I want it to be as inclusive as possible. All of these come with questions: Do I apply some stereotypes or don’t I? Would it be unrealistic to just write them the way I imagine them? Can I make them sarcastic and self-deprecating sometimes without rubbing people the wrong way?

How do you write a Latina character while being Black? Is it just the food, language, knowledge of her culture that will define her? Her description and facial features? Her experiences?

It would be easier, I know, to just write a Black character. But again, it’s about the challenge. I’ve found my writing to be like an interesting Q&A: I have all these questions bouncing around inside me, and they can only be answered by taking on an entirely different perspective of someone who has the first-hand experience of what I’m asking about.

In a way, I’ve answered my first question quite a bit by now. There’s a lot of escapism that’s going into my writing — I’ve been transplanting other people’s minds onto my own and living extremely different lives.

Apart from this, I’ve found other helpful ways to answer some of my questions, and these have helped me proceed on this very convoluted journey I have taken upon myself. Here are some tips on how to do justice to characters who you may not identify with, but still love all the same:

1. Do your research.

This one is the most important tip. When you get your inspiration for a character who doesn’t fit the “status quo”, then you need to recognize that how you portray them matters to your audience. Especially if any part of your audience fits within this group.

Sometimes books are adapted into movies or TV series, and what writer doesn’t wish for that?

Oh, except Rick Riordan. Sorry, Rick.

If or when your story is broadcasted to a larger audience, people will get cast to play your characters based on how you wrote those characters.

At least most of the time. Hollywood still hasn’t worked out all of the kinks.

POC and other marginalized characters have a hard time getting cast on screens even to this day. But even no representation is better than bad representation.

Look online for TV shows, books, movies that have received critical acclaim for great representation in casting and great storylines. Watch YouTube videos of people critiquing shows that don’t have these so you know what not to do. Look on Reddit, Twitter, Tumblr, everywhere and anywhere.

You may encounter a lot of different, conflicting opinions while doing your research. The thing about opinions is that they are like mouths — everybody has one. But that’s just the thing — everybody should have one. Every single person on this planet has the right to a voice and deserves to be heard. And so many are so, so tired of not being heard.

So do the work, and let them speak.

2. Ask actual people.

This ties into my first point. A lot of fiction comes from the fact. Nothing exists in a vacuum and nothing is new under the sun.

The last book I read was a spark of light by Jodi Picoult, one of my favorite authors. She interviewed 151 women who had abortions, consulted a lot of research papers and statistics, and talked to both pro-life and pro-choice advocates in order to write a book accurately depicting this debate. She wrote it seamlessly: each side managed to convey their points in a poignant manner, and she herself never took a discriminatory view to either side.

This is the importance, I believe, of doing your research: getting the humanistic perspective.

If you are a new or starting author, you probably don’t have the means or time to do something as large-scale as this. So instead, hop on social media.

It’s not just for promoting your stuff or posting pictures of food or your cute pets, you know. Its main goal is to connect you with people.

You can join various groups and talk to actual people whose experiences you want to write about. You can even get them to proofread your story. And if you want to directly use their own experiences in your work, only do it with their permission. You may include them in your acknowledgments, but if they prefer to remain anonymous, please respect their privacy.

3. Add details.

Your character may have a certain profession, hobby, or a particular routine that they are always performing which you do not perform or have any first-hand knowledge of.

If this is the central theme of your work — for example, you’re writing a detective thriller and you’re not on the squad, or your main character is an artist, a person living with disabilities or spectrum disorders, etc., you will need to gather as many details as you can about all of this.

How you incorporate this into your work depends on what your character does. Medical doctors are always using technical jargon, so it wouldn’t be a surprise to anyone reading if they repeatedly come across words with formal explanations that make zero sense to them.

Painting and other artistry can be portrayed using informal and even abstract explanations with a lot of vivid imagery.

If you’re writing about a person living with a certain condition, you might want to insert certain details very casually as that is their reality. If it’s a new diagnosis, however, your explanations can be written in a somewhat disorienting manner in order to reflect your character’s current state.

4. Imagine.

And lastly, remember to let your mind roam free. At the end of the day, it is still your story that you imagined and found compelling enough to put out into the world.

Don’t stifle your imagination. Just put in the work to hone and polish it until it gleams and sparkles. And try not to cause any offense, of course.

Sometimes all we can do in life is just try to see things while wearing other people’s shoes and realize that they are humans trying to do their best, same as all of us.

And sometimes that’s enough.

That’s the first step: imagining a human being, putting them under a magnifying glass in order to look at all their grey areas and rough-edges, imperfections, and regrets.