Why You Should Talk To The Most Intimidating Person In The Room

Outperform yourself and grow

According to Positive Psychology, two stages stand between our comfort zone and our growth zone: fear and learning.

Tame your self-doubt

Getting over our fears often means confronting them head on.

If you’re lucky enough to be placed in a position to do just that, grab your chance with both hands and give it a go.

What has working shy of a decade in various sales roles taught me about approaching people? How about two decades calling up strangers to put them through endless questionnaires?

They’ve made me relish social interactions, discover our interconnectedness and enabled me to study human traits by exchanging and observing.

Once, I was asked to accompany a company director to an evening event. He invited me with a take-you-under-my-wing attitude, which was a welcome distraction from the boredom of being slowly but surely shown the door (very possibly for asking for a pay raise, which could be a whole story in itself).

Amidst this unstable situation at work, I was beginning to lose confidence despite my best efforts to fight for the pay rise I deserved.

The evening I’m recounting here was just what I needed to change my mind. One of the top buyers would be there. When mentioned at the office, his name was only ever uttered in a revered fashion, showing the utmost deference.

It was not someone for us commoners to be normally mingling with.

After a round of canapés, spurred on by the firm will to see who hid behind this incredibly established persona, I walked over to him and started a chat.

I had no conversation opener at the ready, nor did I have in mind what exactly I wanted to learn about him. Rather, I let the situation present the opportunities for finding out.

We talked about family, about life. It was a pleasant chat and I got the feeling that he enjoyed not being prodded for sales, for once. I was also aware of the fact that he wasn’t the busiest person in the room.

Was his status and the aura that surrounded him getting in the way of socialising?

The next day, the director who’d invited me to join him in this networking opportunity conceded he’d been surprised to see me mingle with such ease with this powerful buyer (‘You’ve a natural, endearing way with people’, he said).

I ponder this comment today, still.

Are we supposed to tread carefully in a social setting? Are we not supposed to be bold at times? In a sales setting, wouldn’t it even go without saying we should be?

At any rate, I was glad to connect on a human level with someone I’d never thought I would, or could.

It helped me overcome a tidal wave of self-doubt, enabling me to change jobs within the year, along with the salary recognition I was aiming for.

So next time you’d like to approach someone but are wondering whether you’re supposed to or not, are afraid of rejection, or whatever you may be fearful of, just go with your eyes closed — good things will come out of it for certain.

Embrace networking opportunities

Turn things around for yourself

Getting over the fear of the unknown is a great opportunity to network, whether at work or in a social setting.

As a young adult, I once found myself in the middle of a party of people who seemed to all know each other and who were way older than me. Daunting.

I decided to own up to my loner status, enjoyed having a good look around, soaking up the atmosphere. Then, I more or less imposed my presence onto a group of three of four hipsters who had piqued my curiosity.

I can’t remember if there was much awkwardness to begin with, but they ended up welcoming me in. I spent a fantastic night, talking about languages and learning Chinese symbols. I treasured the small sheet of paper the ideograms had been inscribed on for a long time, safeguarded in my purse.

It was not just for the learning experience. It was solid proof that I could mix with anyone I wanted to.

You, too, can try this experiment. The next time you’re in a group you’re not familiar with, start by acknowledging the fact that the situation may feel awkward. This will help you step right over the line of hesitancy.

Allow tolerance towards yourself and others to guide your actions

Don’t try and talk out of sheer embarrassment. Allow yourself to be labelled whatever negative attributes you think others may project onto you.

Once you feel at ease with this worst-case-scenario of a social setup, pay attention to what draws you in. It could be someone’s attire (where did they get this beautiful dress/suit?) or anything else seemingly trivial. Go for it anyway. Initiate the conversation.

The more familiar you become with this game, the less anxious you’ll be of being seen in a bad light. As you become more accepting of yourself, your bias towards others will begin to fade. If you come from a positive perspective, the thought of anyone thinking poorly of you will not even enter your mind.

In other words, being fearless of social contact teaches you leniency and leads to tolerance.

Doing this builds up your resilience, too. It’ll be needed for those rare instances when someone snubs you. It will feel like a win: you’ve learned something about someone. Yes, people can have a bad day. Maybe you now know who not to approach again in future.

Avoid boredom and reduce anxiety levels

The more you stretch your comfort zone, the more adaptable you become, thus sending your threshold for moving into the anxiety zone to the back of your mindmap.

Social connection is known to bring many health benefits, including:

• sustaining mental health
• keeping your brain active (think engaging with different views and conflict resolution)
• reducing stress levels.

Impromptu social interactions are like adding a pinch of salt, some pepper and fragrant aromatic herbs to your plate. They make mundane gatherings worthwhile and stir up your daily life a little.

While boredom is the well from which great new ideas can spring, throwing yourself into the social melting pot brings the essence of those ideas.

Taking responsibility for making your life as multifaceted as possible, adding layers of understanding with each new person you approach, is the gateway to a fulfilling life.

It empowers you to take control over your life’s destination, by taking small proactive steps towards the unknown and beautiful tomorrows it holds.

No matter what your personality type, I’m sure you have at least one story to tell of a time you stepped out of your comfort zone.

Let your reptilian brain take over now and again, follow your instincts and jump out of your own skin. The fresh new You underneath is waiting to unfold.

How else are you supposed to grow thick skin anyway?