Summary

The article argues that aiming for fulfilment rather than happiness leads to a more meaningful and satisfying life.

Abstract

The author of the article posits that the pursuit of happiness is a futile endeavor, as happiness is fleeting and often leaves one feeling empty. Instead, the article suggests that individuals should seek fulfilment, which, although challenging and sometimes uncomfortable, provides a deeper sense of satisfaction and pride. Fulfilment is associated with long-term contentment and a sense of purpose, as opposed to the short-lived pleasure of happiness. The article emphasizes that the activities that lead to fulfilment often involve effort, pain, and difficulty, but they are ultimately what people subconsciously desire. It encourages readers to step out of their comfort zones and confront their fears to avoid the regret that comes with inaction.

Opinions

Happiness is described as a transient state that is insufficient for lasting satisfaction.
Fulfilment is seen as a more substantial and enduring goal that involves overcoming challenges and enduring discomfort.
The article suggests that people often avoid what they truly want (fulfilment) because it does not provide immediate gratification.
It is argued that the decisions and experiences that are initially difficult or scary are the ones that contribute most to a sense of pride and a life well-lived.
The author quotes Theodore Roosevelt to reinforce the idea that worthwhile achievements require effort and struggle.
The concept of the comfort zone is criticized, as staying within it is believed to lead to regret and an unfulfilled life.
The article concludes by urging readers to prioritize actions that lead to fulfilment, despite the initial discomfort, for the betterment of their souls and overall life satisfaction.

Aiming for Happiness Will Make You Hate Life

Here’s what to aim for instead

Stop trying to be happy.

No. Really. It’s futile.

Happiness is not what we should aim for. It will make you hate your life.

Here’s why…

Before getting into the nitty-gritty, let’s establish our definition of happiness.

What makes you happy?

Is it eating pizza on a Friday night? Is it hanging out with friends? Or is it just relaxing and watching Netflix after a busy day?

Whatever you say, ask yourself if you’re actually happy afterwards. Chances are, you’re not. We still feel empty inside, and still want something else. Even though we never know what that something is, all we know is that we want it.

Start thinking about fulfilment

This subtle distinction between happiness and fulfilment is important. Happiness is short-term. Yes, it feels good in the short run, but long-term we feel dread. Netflix is fun in the short-term, but binge-watching shows makes us feel empty afterwards. That type of fun is short-lived.

Fulfilment is different. It hurts. In the short term, we feel terrible. We reflexively avoid fulfilment, even though it’s what we want. We almost never do activities that are fulfilling because it doesn’t give us the feel-good feeling we so badly desire. That’s why we aim for happiness. But fulfilment is the thing we subconsciously want. It makes us feel whole, secure, and look back on our lives with pride. Any goal we have, whether it’s starting a business, or working out, or getting out of our comfort zone really is just trying to be more fulfilled in life. What all of these goals have in common is that they absolutely suck in the beginning. Only later do we realize that we are proud of doing it.

In reality, we almost never follow through with the goals we have. We are distracted by short-term happiness. It’s the devil on our shoulders, nudging us to eat an extra piece of cake instead of the angel telling us to eat a salad. It’s the sirens calling our names to do things that are enjoyable in the beginning, but later regret.

Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.

― Theodore Roosevelt

Nothing. Nothing that is worthwhile is easy. A good rule of thumb is between two decisions, pick the harder one. That’s what will make you truly happy later in life. It’s what will make you look back and say, “Damn, that was a heck of a life”.

Get out of your comfort zone

I hate my comfort zone. It makes me all warm and fuzzy in the beginning, but later kick myself for not trying the things I’m afraid of. I’m scared of doing many things, but it’s these exact things that I should be pursuing. The experiences I’m afraid of are the things I truly value in life.

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”

― Joseph Campbell

The comfort zone will slowly lead to a deep feeling of regret. We will start to hate the way we lived. The more you stay in the comfort zone, the less fulfilled you will be. By the end of our lives, it’s difficult to change. We are great at rationalizing almost any action, even if the evidence points out the opposite. The way to avoid the feeling of regret in our lives is to constantly and repeatedly get out of our comfort zones. It’s difficult in the beginning, but it’s the easiest way in the end.

Conclusion

Happiness is a feeling that is great in the short term. It’s a feeling that we all mistake as something that is worth pursuing. But it’s really fulfilment that we are after. Fulfilment makes us proud of ourselves. It causes us to feel whole. It gives us a purpose and adds meaning to our lives. Don’t be fooled. Look behind the mask of happiness. Ask yourself if the things that make you happy, make you fulfilled. Do the hard things. You’ll realize that it sucks at first, but your soul is better for it.