Privacy and Communication Issues

Why You Should NEVER Rely on Instagram’s Close Friends Feature for a “Safe Space”

Or any features on the internet promising “privacy” for that matter

There’s no such thing as “safe space” when you decide to upload something online. I thought all of us should have acknowledged that by now, seeing how much data breaches and censorship have been happening since the dawn of social media.

I, for one, am a huge fan of Instagram’s Close Friends (CF) feature as an avid user of the platform. It allows me to select and group the people with whom I can share things I don’t wish anyone else to see at the moment. It’s very convenient, considering I don’t have to make another private account for my circle only.

There are three reasons why I use the feature:

1. I simply want to vent out my daily frustration that I don’t think my random acquaintances or my mom’s old friend’s children need to see
2. I share opinions that I have yet to gain the confidence to let the public see
3. I don’t want to spam my main Story feed

However, some people seem to conflate “privacy” with the “things I only want to share with my friends” bit. Sharing things with your friends online doesn’t always equate to secrets or scandalous acts that would jeopardize your reputation. Sometimes you just want to channel your hidden feelings that the whole world doesn’t have to know.

Sharing nudes on the so-called “private” feature, for instance, assuming everyone on the list knows how to keep a secret because “I believe they are open-minded and non-judgmental” is just purely naive and reckless.

Miscommunication happens all the time and it’s not the viewers’ fault for misinterpreting your intentions behind your exclusive posts.

People will think and discuss you regardless of intentions

An old friend of mine, Adriana* stopped talking to me abruptly after our second reunion since the last time we met almost more than 10 years ago. I assumed it had something to do with what I said about Maddie*, a younger friend of hers or at least her adopted cousin as she claimed. I don’t really know Maddie personally, we have never talked to each other, but we followed each other on Instagram due to our mutuals.

Before our second reunion took place, I happened to see Maddie’s CF story. To this day, I’m still unsure how I’ve got several people I barely know put me on their lists. Is it because of how honest I am in expressing myself on my Instagram so they put their confidence in me not to rat them out for whatever they post…?

Anyway, all I knew about Maddie was she had moved out from my hometown to Australia for further education and had since dated a local guy. Whenever the guy’s face was visible, she’d upload their dating moments on her CF.

With good intention, I asked Adriana about how Maddie was doing and her relationship. At that time, I didn’t know that they were families, I thought they were just very good friends since Adriana and Maddie are of different ethnicities so I assumed Adriana already knew what’s up. I mean dating someone new is supposed to be celebratory exciting news, isn’t it? It turned out Adriana had been excluded from it and had no clue about it at all.

Adriana and Maddie’s blood sister freaked out on the spot when I showed them what Maddie had been posting.

This put me in a bad light because then they made me look like I was the gossipy rat who deliberately stirred drama within their ever-loving families. Instead of addressing the issue by speaking with me directly, Maddie cut me off as well.

There’s nowhere on the internet as safe as your own brain and physical diary

Is it anyone’s fault that words get around about your posts? After all, this is the internet. Once you decide to put something out there, you should prepare yourself for the risks and consequences of your business becoming everybody’s business.

Not everyone has a malicious intent to spread rumors about you. People hang out and sometimes you just happen to cross their minds especially when they see something memorable on your profile like you sharing a picture of your newborn or your new boyfriend.

On the other hand, the feature often gets abused by those who want to show off their illicit activities to their circle of “friends”. I’ve seen these people end up in jail or having their reputations tarnished nationwide when their posts become viral. They put too much trust in the feature because they believed the small group of people they carefully selected owed them the inclusivity favor.

Hence, they came up with the presumption that people would obediently shut their mouths if you make them feel included in your made-up internet clique.

Final thoughts

I won’t tell anyone the cliche “stop using social media” advice whenever they get into trouble while using it. After all, if you are like me, a passive expressive internet dweller, nothing can ever stop you from sharing what you’re up to with the world no matter how much you’ve gone into hiding such as account deactivation or creating the 4th secret account.

All I can say is if there are certain things you’d like to share but you’re also afraid of being lynched for it, it’s best to keep it to yourself or just privately text the people you trust in real life.

Social media companies will keep innovating and churning out features that give you false assurance of safety and comfort for profits. That way, you may contemplate staying on their platforms longer as user data & activity are their biggest assets.

There is no such thing as a safe space here. Whatever digital footprints you have left behind, they will remain in the database as long as we don’t go extinct.

If you want a safe space on the internet, you should become one yourself like how it is perfectly illustrated in this article by Argumentative Penguin:

(*)names are fictitious for illustrative purposes only.

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