Why You Should Let Yourself Cry — Sometimes

Tears, crying, and repressed emotions

If you haven’t cried in a while then here you go — Full permission to cry.

Crying is an essential component of being human since the earliest moments of our lives. There is even a debate over why humans cry and if it is beneficial to our overall health. Still, the realm of psychology seems to agree that crying serves as a form of relief to prevent repressive coping habits.

As we age, we’ve created an overly simplified idea of when crying is “acceptable” and when it is not. The idea is straightforward— Adults shouldn’t cry unless there is some overarching grief or joy involved. Even in some cases, children are told to repress their crying and act “happy” → This video may ring some bells.

We’ve created a neat box that glorifies repressed emotions. “Never let anyone see you cry. I haven’t cried in 3 years. I can’t remember the last time I cried. Big girls don’t cry.” This vicious cycle continues as we deny ourselves a form of relief from the emotional turbulence of life.

While this is not a suggestion that crying is appropriate in all places and at all times, it is a gentle reminder that if you don’t release this build-up of emotions you may emotionally explode.

What even is crying?

We produce three types of tears as humans. 1. Basal 2. Reflex and 3. Emotional. The first two are biological processes that keep the eye ducts moist or flush out irritants. The third is the one we are talking about here today.

Emotional tears can be defined as, “Tears in response to a range of emotions. These tears contain a higher level of stress hormones than other types of tears.”

Crying occurs as we experience a range of emotions. It helps us avoid repressive coping, which psychologists assert can be bad for our health. We even relieve our bodies of toxins and stress hormones when we cry.

Crying is a clear signal from our body that something is happening and we should pay close attention to why this process kicked in.

The emotional explosion phase

Now, after reading this you can cry on command right? Wrong.

This is not a “health tip” you need to implement immediately or let the waterworks roll. It’s an observation you can make next time you feel that repressed emotion coming up.

Let’s take a common example many of us can relate to: You feel like you are going to cry and your eyes start to tear up. The emotion builds, it’s in your chest, your eyes are watery, then something in your brain makes you push it down. Almost like your mind is screaming STOP. Then you push it down, reject your emotions, and prevent yourself from the release. Just like a slinky, the more you press it down the bigger the release will be when the pressure is taken off.

Repressing emotions and the natural response to cry will lead you to what I’ve deemed the “explode phase”. Where you randomly burst out crying or overreact emotionally to something small. For example, the barista getting your drink order wrong or getting cut off while driving to work. These two things seem minor but they can become the edge of the damn before the emotions spill over.

Now, there are times where crying is more socially acceptable than others. Crying in a work meeting is not the best moment to release emotion and could be awkward. Still, the first step in preventing emotional explosion is acknowledging when you are repressing.

There is nothing wrong with stepping out of the office, taking a break, and regrouping when you’re on the brink of crying. There is also nothing wrong with turning to a friend, family member, or psychologist when you just need to let out some repressed emotions.

Crying might not always be the right response to a situation and there are alternative coping mechanisms. You can work out to let out stress, go on a walk, draw or paint, cook, or engage in another activity to release. The truth is this — You need to give yourself permission to release and acknowledge your emotions.

Key takeaways

1. Give yourself permission to cry.

2. Crying is not always appropriate in certain social situations, but take a deep breath and if you do feel it welling up, try to take a moment for yourself.

3. Identify areas in life where you are repressing emotions and conducting repressive coping strategies.

4. Acknowledge your emotions and identify which emotion is present when you feel like crying.

5. Know that crying is just one method to release emotions in difficult times.

Crying is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that something needs to be released. The more we allow ourselves to engage in this release, the more we can observe where we are emotionally and let go of some more negative coping mechanisms. As always, give yourself some grace.