Why You Should Heal Before You Have Children
Once you find balance within, you may realize you don’t even want them.
The other week, I was walking down the street in my town with the intention to get a few grocery items from my local Tesco supermarket. As I was passing by the Lloyds Bank branch, I saw a woman and a man standing near the cash machine having a very loud and intense conversation. The woman was holding a pushchair with a baby who seemed it was over a year old.
I wouldn’t normally pay too much attention to this kind of situation. It’s not uncommon to see people arguing on the street. But as I got passed them, the baby began to cry and the woman responded almost instantaneously by shouting ‘Shut up!’.
The baby stopped crying immediately.
I cringed.
How can someone be so mean to their child? — I thought.
Unfortunately, too many parents respond to their children in this way and as a society, we tend to ignore that.
I truly wanted to turn back and tell this woman how inappropriate, hurting and damaging her behavior was.
But I didn’t do it.
Why? I don’t know. Perhaps I feared how she would react to my comment? Probably.
But what I know for sure is that most people that have children, should have never had them in the first place.
Pressure to conform
From what I observed, many people have children because they think they should. Or they believe children will fulfil them and make them happy.
Sadly, the truth is that we created an unconscious society that pressures us into mindlessly following a “checklist” for a happy life. This checklist literally dictates how our lives should look like, telling us what to do and when, and making us feel ashamed, guilty, embarrassed or fearful if we don’t conform.
Many of us end up stepping on that path feeling the pressure from our parents and family without pausing and asking ourselves: is it really what I want?
And because everybody wants to be happy in life (who doesn’t?), as a result, most people fall for this rigid life scenario, adopt the “checklist” and begin to pursue everything that’s on it. They often do it even without questioning the meaning behind it.
People blindly conform and create the life they think they should live, without knowing what it is that they truly want to do in life, what their values, intentions, interests, passions and dreams really are.
And it’s often hard to blame anybody for living this unintentional, unaligned life because we are not taught that we have a choice and that it’s okay to pursue a different path. We’re not encouraged to think independently, to look within and ask ourselves what we truly want. Instead, we’re forced to follow a systematic way of living that is not only widely accepted but also expected.
Expectations that others have from us create pressure and the illusion that there’s no other way for us to live and we shouldn’t even dare to try.
Creation of the shadow
The wounded society we live in doesn’t recognize that truth is subjective. It doesn’t understand that happiness can’t be found in a cookie-cutter type of life. It doesn’t accept the fact that everybody is different and came here to Earth School to uncover their own truth, their gifts and fulfil their mission. Their soul purpose. And it might be a hard pill to swallow for many but this purpose doesn’t have to involve children.
We’re so much disconnected from our divine nature, from our higher self and from our soul that we literally deny our true self. We don’t allow ourselves to dive deep into our true heart’s desires and longings. As a result, we hide, we put on masks, and we pretend and play the role of someone who intuitively we know we’re not.
This process of self-denial as well as countless limiting beliefs, negative thoughts, insecurities, and lack of acceptance, love and compassion not only from others but from ourselves create a shadow within us.
We all have shadows. There’s not a single person on this Planet without a shadow.
Your shadow could express itself in anger. Or in jealousy. Or in shame. It could also be your need to always be right, your lack of patience or even low self-worth and self-esteem.
It could be anything that relates to things and parts you suppressed and refuse to shine a light of awareness on and look at it properly out of fear. This fear arises within you when you think you won’t be accepted and loved for the totality of who we are. And so you keep hiding and suppressing your truth.
Our fears as well as suppression of our feelings and emotions create distortion within us. Unfortunately, if these distortions, wounds and traumas are not looked at and healed, they will not only manifest in our lives in a form of difficult situations, unconscious and destructive behaviors and illnesses but will also have a direct negative impact on everyone around us as well as on the collective.
Traumas and wounds are passed on
What the collective and the world need the most right now is more love, kindness, acceptance and compassion.
If you haven’t looked at your shadows and continue to live in fear, pain and suffering, it will be difficult or even impossible for you to embody love, kindness, acceptance and compassion.
And if these virtues are not present within you, you can’t teach them to your children.
Your unhealed wounds and traumas will unconsciously be passed onto your children, whether it’s by the way you behave, the words you speak or what you subconsciously believe. Children’s minds operate in a theta state, which makes them like sponges. Everything you say, everything you do and how you do it as well as how you approach life and how you deal with your fears and insecurities will be passed on to them.
You have probably noticed that the same issues or even illnesses are present in many families. It’s not a coincidence. It’s ancestral trauma that was never healed but instead has been passed on.
If you choose to ignore these issues and don’t do anything to heal the wounded parts of yourself and find the root cause of them, you’re perpetuating the current state of affairs, which doesn’t affect your entire family lineage but also adds to the suffering of the world.
We are all one. Essentially, we’re all made of the same source of energy. We literally carry the spark of God within us. We’re all one consciousness separated into individual souls having temporary human experiences so we could learn, grow and evolve to experience unconditional love through our life on Earth.
Healing yourself heals the world
The world needs to heal from fear. But so it can heal, you need to awaken and become aware of your divine nature so you could help in creating a new generation of people who care. People who have love and reverence for all living things. People who have acceptance, understanding and compassion towards others.
This is the only way to bring back peace, balance and harmony and create a new world where everyone can be safe, enjoy the freedom and feel joy.
It’s our responsibility to heal and bring back light to this world.
So, if you haven’t found healthy outlets for your anger and trauma, don’t become a parent quite yet.
Before you decide to step on to a path of parenthood, ask yourself: why do I want to have kids?
Think deeply about it. Write down your thoughts in the journal or record yourself answering this important question.
You may be surprised by the true reason behind this desire. Or maybe you will find out that you want to have children even more.
Either way, it’s important that you always check-in with yourself before you make any decision.
The common reason behind wanting children and final thoughts
From my experience, many people want and have kids because they think it will make them happy. They believe it will fill the void inside them and help them to feel better about themselves.
If you decide to have children because you think it will make you happy then the truth is that paradoxically there’s little difference between this life-changing decision and buying a new gadget, a new piece of clothing or getting a pet.
If your intentions aren’t pure and you’re looking to gain something from the external world so you could experience happiness without looking within first, I can assure you that it will never fulfill and satisfy you. At least not fully. There’s always going to be something missing. And that missing piece is healing and meeting your true self. It’s unmasking. It’s unbecoming and becoming again.
If you don’t find the balance within yourself first, there’s nothing from the outside world that will ever make you happy.
Think about that deeply before you have children.
So do a favor both to yourself and to the world. Heal before you decide to have children. Heal with the intention to become who, deep down, you always knew you were meant to be. Be an exemplary human and a leading example to new generations.
By healing yourself you are healing the world.
And once you find balance within, you may realize you don’t even want children.
How to heal yourself from past traumas and wounds, liberate yourself from fear, the thinking mind and limiting beliefs and begin to live balanced life are one of the subjects that we specialize in at the Awakening Planet.
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Hi, I’m Malgorzata, but friends call me Gosia. I’m a Life Coach, Mentor & Writer. I share my insights on self-love, well-being, personal growth, conscious living & spirituality, and my mission is to inspire others to live an authentic, empowered, and fulfilling life on their terms. If you’d like to be coached by me, visit my website to find out more about my offers, fees, and how to start working with me, or book a FREE Discovery Session. For more about me, check my Linktree. I hope you enjoyed reading my piece. If you would like to support me as a writer, consider joining Medium. You can also subscribe to my Medium posts and get notified by email every time I publish one. Much Love, Gosia