Why You Should Always Be Redefining Your Dream Life
Opening new doors can dramatically alter your perspective
A small town of 8,000 people, in its heyday, surrounded by dairy farms and Amish communities. That’s where I grew up.
My earliest memories are of the trailer park we lived in until I was in junior high. I recall the bus rides to school, stopping at houses, and thinking how rich they were to live in a home without wheels.
Then in junior high, engaged to a farmer, my mom moved us to a dairy farm in a new town and new state. I now lived in an even smaller farming community yet had upgraded to a genuine farmhouse.
The dream was to get a college education, work for the biggest employer in the regional city, earn a mid 5-figure salary, start a family, and buy a home. That was success, in my eyes, and for many people that would be enough.
But I hit that goal in my mid-20s and it wasn’t as glamorous as I had once imagined. My parents were proud of me — I had done something most of my family had not. Yet I wanted more and felt stifled where I lived. There was little upward mobility and I was too young and driven to just chill.
My dream had been realized, but it was no longer my dream. I needed to redefine it. About that time, my wife and I were blessed with the news of our third child. Yet, with that news, we needed to make some big changes to merely maintain our standard of living.
Dream Life — Version 2.0
Both my wife and I worked full-time. Even with college degrees, our income worked hard to pay for child care and school. And the pressure would only intensify once our third child was born. We needed a new plan.
That’s when we decided to move. The city we grew up near had seen better days and since the ’80s most of its prosperity had disappeared. It was one of those cities labeled as the “rust belt”. There were few real opportunities in our region so we looked outward.
In pursuing opportunities, we prioritized two desires. The first was to move only once — we needed a region that was growing, suited our family, and had excellent amenities. The second was a job that would pay me enough so my wife could stay home. She had worked while the first two kids were young and felt like she had missed out on many critical moments.
There had been a third priority, but it was abstract and less significant. We wanted the new region to be a place where our kids wouldn’t have to move away when they grew up. This allowed us to weather the complaints our families threw at us about moving away. We did it for the kids.
The Triangle region of North Carolina was that new home. Not only was the weather great (no more snow), it had excellent schools and was poised for massive growth over the next two decades. I had received several job offers and accepted one that nearly doubled my old salary. The job was a bit scary given it felt like I was risking the erosion of my skills but that turned out to be completely incorrect.
We bought a home that I would never have dreamed of at the start of our marriage. Life was working out well. We had done it yet again — our new dream realized.
Yet after several years, my new career had opened unanticipated doors and a new dream beckoned me to follow. With much prayer and reflection, my wife and I decided to trust God and step through the door.
Dream Life — Version 3.0
The job I had accepted upon moving to North Carolina had shown me a future that was unknown to me growing up. A path towards entrepreneurship. While growing up, I knew few people that owned businesses. And when I did, they were of the sort that provided a lifestyle — one befitting a small town.
The skills learned at my job were highly prized by large companies. So I started a consulting firm with two partners. We worked our tails off, growing faster than I had dared dream, and hired dozens of employees.
For several years we continued to grow, winning many awards and hitting milestones like 50+ employees and 8-figures in annual revenue. It was a far cry from the first picture of the business when I had begun forming the vision in my head years before.
With the success came much anxiety and heartache. I was away from my family constantly. Always traveling to see customers and work with employees to ensure we were providing a great service.
After several years, the business was no longer my dream. I found myself wishing it was something else and with partners that had objectives that differed from my own as well. By this time, I had been living an abundant life and had upgraded my home yet again.
My dream had been realized yet it hadn’t fulfilled me. So I sold the business to my two partners and moved on.
Dream Life — Version 4.0
And here we are now. I’m two years out from selling my business and have found a sense of peace that had alluded me until now. I’ve spent the time meeting new people, helping others on their entrepreneurial journeys, and have even begun writing again.
Now more than anything, I prize my time and my family. We have what we need and many of the things that we want. The life we have now is far from what either my wife or I had dreamed possible when we met 20 years ago.
My dream is now centered around spending time with my family and leveraging what I’ve learned over my career to maintain our quality of life. The pursuit of money isn’t overwhelming anymore. I love helping people and prize that over making money.
The weird thing that has come from this is a job offer. I had never envisioned working for anyone ever again yet I find myself on the cusp of doing just that. And my wife just accepted an offer as well — working for someone else again for the first time in over a decade.
We’re blessed and our kids are watching. Here’s to hoping they stand on our shoulders to build their dream life — daring to reach even further.
Final Thoughts
Your dream will evolve over time as life changes. Circumstances and perspectives are not set in stone. When your goals no longer provide the meaning they once did, have the courage to revisit and upgrade them.
Dream big and know what you prize over everything else. For me, its family and I have been blessed beyond measure when I look at my life through that lens. If we had nothing else, we’d still be together and could start again with our perspective and experiences still intact. No one can take that away.
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