Why You Should Be Aware of Micro Expressions

Insights into the emotions within relationships

Many of us have developed some version of the Poker Face by the time we reach adulthood.

For job interviews, first dates, executive meetings and other vital situations we monitor our reactions, which means we keep our emotions in check. We’re careful not to reveal too much. We’re on high alert to keep from responding in ways that will decrease our chances of success.

But it’s tough to maintain this level of guardedness in everyday life. Most of us can’t fully control our micro expressions, those passing emotions that flash across our faces for seconds. In these few seconds, we’re exposing our inner feelings, often without our awareness.

When we realize we’ve shown anger, disgust, or pain, we quickly change our visage. Or when we recognize our admiration is visible to another, we resettle our expression. So our face becomes blank or indifferent — or we look away.

Highly intuitive people — those who read facial and body language well — sometimes unconsciously, can pick up micro expressions. Clinical Psychologist Dr. Paul Ekman describes these facial cues as typically lasting between a half-second to four seconds. If we’re particularly observant, we can spot them. But they’re so fleeting that if we’re not watching closely we’ll miss them.

What can micro expressions tell us?

Micro expressions — a form of emotional leakage — disclose the individual’s true feelings. Or they may suggest a reason to step back and reassess what might really be going on.

For example, does your friend say it doesn’t matter to her that you are 30 minutes late? Yet, as she is speaking, you see a flash of anger cross her face. It fades so quickly that you barely catch it — but, intuitively, you know her words don’t match her facial response.

This discrepancy can be confusing. It’s likely your friend is trying to avoid conflict with you. However, the context of the conversation matters. She may have other things going on, which lead you to misinterpret her feelings. It may be nothing to do with you; she may simply be annoyed about a text she just received.

Suppose your spouse says he supports the additional hours you are working, yet a look of pain crosses his face as he speaks. This may be because he is feeling an internal conflict. Perhaps he wants to both encourage your work and spend more time with you? You won’t know the reason for his mixed response until you ask. But if you hadn’t noticed the micro expression, you may have missed that something more was going on beneath the surface.

Why pick up on micro expressions?

Like any form of nonverbal communication, micro expressions can be extremely useful. They provide additional information about our emotions within our interactions. As an avenue of communication, they give us more information. But it’s important to note that our interpretation of what they mean may (or may not) be accurate.

If your friend truly is upset about your late arrival, her micro expression gives you an incentive to probe further. If you convey your concern about potentially disrespecting her time, you offer her the opportunity to clarify her response. At the very least, you signal your desire to discuss it further or make amends. If she insists it’s no problem, then at least you have taken an extra step to stop resentment from building.

When you notice your spouse struggling with his response about the hours you are working, you see the need to continue the conversation. He may not even be aware of his feelings or what he is revealing — he just hasn’t had time to digest the implications. Or it’s possible he had another dilemma on his mind at the same time.

How we can get better at reading others?

Studies show the ability to recognize micro expressions increases with practice. When we are mindful in conversation, we become better listeners. Just as we enhance our listening skills by being present and open while truly hearing, we can better read others by attending to them well. And this enhances our ability to relate to others.

Understanding other people includes observing both verbal and nonverbal responses. It requires receptivity and thoughtfulness. Rather than rushing to consider what we may say next or how we will defend ourselves, we focus on receiving their messages.

In the sprint of daily life, taking the time to consider others to this level can be challenging. But intentional practice can help us refine these skills, so they become more instinctual.

Because we can’t fully know another person’s intent or state of mind, it’s important to check out any inconsistencies revealed by micro expressions. By opening up the dialogue, we are inviting a greater level of depth and understanding. In the process, we enhance our relationships.

Beth Dumey writes on a variety of topics generally revealing insights, ironies, and perceptions. She is also a Licensed Professional Counselor.