Why You Should Ask the Divine for What You Want

A quick note before we start — I use “G-d” in my writing to name the divine, but I don’t necessarily subscribe to the man-in-the-sky model of relating to G-d. Jewish mysticism has greatly influenced my understanding of G-d as The One — feminine and masculine, king and commoner, warrior and pacifist — One in the garments of many. In any place where I have written “G-d,” you could appropriately substitute “the divine” or “the universe” and my meaning would be more or less preserved. Plenty of spiritual people and even some religious people don’t respond well to G-d language, and if that’s you, I encourage you to substitute if useful.

There is an idea among theologically literate people that praying to G-d to ask for what you want in life indicates spiritual immaturity. “G-d is not a divine Santa Claus capable of wish fulfillment,” the spiritually savvy insist. Common messaging in religious circles across traditions and denominations seems to be that prayer should be selfless, about alignment with divine will, and if one is to request anything of G-d it should be on behalf of the suffering world and its suffering people. But what you, personally, happen to want? Those things that you don’t even strictly need to survive, but just… want? Yea, leave that out. To include those things would be selfish, and G-d doesn’t like selfishness.

Unfortunately, this messaging overlooks a few critical points, both about human beings and about the divine. First and importantly — to be human is to desire. We need some things. We want a lot of things. Not all of them are good, though most of them I would argue, are not inherently bad either. To want is natural, and it isn’t changing. We can, through meditation and intentional thought and (of course) prayer, change the content of what we want, shift the desires of our heart to, for example, whatever is good and holy, if we are so inclined. But we still want.

If we do not feel free and emboldened to take our desires, all of them, no matter how seemingly silly or self-involved, to G-d, then we will inevitably take them to other places, where they have more potential to do harm in our lives and in the world.

We might try to minimize or diminish what we want, or perhaps sloppily short-circuit our desires in a reactive attempt to redirect to something we’ve deemed more altruistic or acceptable. Women in particular have been socialized to quickly dismiss our own desires, working under the learned assumption that we are most valuable and most morally correct when working (even in thought and prayer) in service of others. Yet, all people have experienced the discomfort of judging our own desire — wanting something, then quickly quashing the feeling because we think it is selfish or shallow or disloyal or some other negative descriptor. But when there is something we want, especially something that has not been examined because we are busy repressing it, our unmet desire will, whether we comprehend it or not, influence our thoughts, our words, and our actions.

Only when we are unafraid to unburden our hearts to G-d can we receive a divine response. And frequently, the divine response is about a lot more than a simple “yes” or “no.” For example, it has often been my experience that I think I know what I want, and so I pray for it, only to find through prayer that what I thought I wanted was merely representative of the true desire of my heart. In this way, I’ve uncovered goals and intentions for myself that I believe flow directly from the divine source of life and light, but I never would have gotten there had I been too timid to pray whole-heartedly, unabashedly for whatever it was I thought I wanted.

A spiritually mature person is not afraid to ask G-d for what they want. A spiritually mature person also knows that the quality of the asking and the receptivity to a divine answer arise what differentiates deep, connected prayer from the Santa Claus model. For those of you who like lists and steps (me, I’m one of you), here is an order of operations I tend to like:

Recognize what it is you want

This means having the courage and wherewithal to hear your own inner voice. No short-circuiting and no self-shaming when you notice your mind, body, or spirit say “I would really like ___.”

Be still and stay with your desire

The time to act on a desire is not in the same moment it occurs to you, at least not usually. Let yourself have time to be both curious and at rest.

Pray like you mean it

Formally or informally, just with intention. In Judaism, we call it kavvanah, sincere devotion, the discipline to have a concentrated heart that is wholly and humbly absorbed in prayer.

Listen

Sometimes it happens that the act of praying and the act of listening occur simultaneously. To be truly tuned in to the divine means that we are open. There is no room for posturing or pretending, and this deportment puts us in the perfect position to receive divine wisdom. Listen with curiosity rather than judgment, just as you listened to your own thoughts and desires before submitting them to G-d. And then,

Accept

Hear what was given to you, and then choose how to move forward in light of what prayer has led you to uncover.

These steps aren’t foolproof. They aren’t a perfect blueprint. However, I have found that with openness and sincerity, recognizing what it is you want and asking G-d for direction will always lead to greater wisdom, greater understanding, and a greater sense of how to go about getting what you want and what G-d wants for you in your one, sacred, beautiful life. So don’t be afraid to ask G-d for what you want — there is space for your desires; the universe can handle it.