Why you must routinely update your beliefs to make better decisions
Hey, I put some new shoes on and suddenly everything is right
So you are at the metaphorical fork in the road, unsure what to do, which choice to make. Generally, the correct decision is the one that best fits your goals, aligns with your values, and is supported by your beliefs.
These three things (goals/values/beliefs) are a form of reference system that guides our decision-making. Our goals reflect what we want or are trying to achieve. Our values are our moral code, and our beliefs represent what we think about something, someone or even ourselves. When they’re aligned, we make decisions consistent with who we are and where we are going. We might not always get the right outcome, but at least we made a decision true to ourselves.
The reference system at work…
The reference system works like this; you have the choice between buying a family holiday or a TV and entertainment package. One of your goals is to build lasting memories for your family. Both choices so far align, so you consider your values. A strong value for you is to spend quality time with your family. Again, both can fit, so it’s down to your beliefs to decide, and they lead you into choosing the TV as you recall how fun it was spending weekend evenings watching family movies. This, you believe, will lead to more lasting memories for the family. You buy the TV.
But, it turns out to be the wrong decision. The family tells you that the reason they no longer sit around and watch movies isn’t because of the lack of a good TV and entertainment system. Sure, it was fun when they were younger but they now have different interests. They don’t like watching the same type of movies anymore, and besides, they want to go out with their friends. This is a revelation to you. What you believed is no longer true, and had you asked before deciding, you’d have found this out.
How often is this true? That we use flawed beliefs to make our decisions. Very often, I would argue.
Beliefs are context specific…
You see, whilst our goals are mostly fixed for the period we’re pursuing them, and our values don’t change that often once we decide on them (we generally don’t decide that being untruthful is now better than being truthful), our beliefs are context-specific and need to be challenged and updated routinely. They are good for a period, but like new shoes, they rarely last forever.
This is a mistake that many of us make, to never challenge or update our beliefs, and it is often the reason we make bad decisions and cannot get what we want out of life — which is especially true when we consider the limiting beliefs we hold about ourselves.
Beliefs come from our experiences, our upbringing, where we grew up and went to school, what we were told, and how we were treated. They reflect the lenses we use to view the world. They can be deep-seated and difficult to change, which is why we need to know very that they could also be entirely wrong. Like old shoes that no longer fit, we often hold on to them for way too long, and all they do is hurt us.
As I left school with no qualifications, I held onto beliefs for many years that I would never find a good job nor make anything much of my life. I was sure I would continue to live in the neighbourhood I grew up in. But, gradually, over time, through the positive influence of others, I learned to challenge these beliefs and self-imposed limitations and not let them hold me back.
They are still there, though. I still walk around with sore feet from time to time.
The problem with old shoes…
That’s the problem with deep-seated beliefs. They take time and effort to change until we get used to a new way of thinking. Like new shoes, they need time to get broken in before they become as comfortable as the old ones, so it often feels easier and safer just to slip the old ones on, one last time, even though we know they still hurt us.
But, we must persevere if we really want to change and become all that we can become. We must always be ready to change our shoes when our feet begin to hurt.
And it’s not just deep-seated beliefs that we should be open to change. Our beliefs can often be shallow, superficial and downright stupid, too. I might form a belief based on an experience that I had. One bad holiday may put me off a country for life. One bad meal a restaurant, one bad conversation a relationship. All are pretty stupid experiences to form lasting beliefs over, but we do it all the time. These beliefs are just bad guys. They’re like sunk costs that we shouldn’t hold onto any longer than necessary. Give them away. Make better decisions with better-fitting shoes.
’Cause I’m wearing my brand new shoes…
Learning to challenge and update our beliefs, especially limiting beliefs, with more accurate information, is an important step in making good decisions and growing as a person. It’s a habit we’d do well to develop.
Like most shoes, most beliefs are only good for a period before they need to be updated. And when you do update them, you wonder why you held onto the old ones for so long.
Hey, I put some new shoes on and suddenly everything is right
PAOLO NUTINI — New Shoes
For more lessons from lyrics click here
