Why You Don’t Value Yourself: Ways You Can Overcome It.

Here are some reasons why you don’t value yourself and ways you can develop healthy self-esteem.

Before you want great things from your life, tell me one thing. Do you think you are worthy enough? How much do you think you deserve the success and recognition you crave from others? Do you think you are capable enough to make a difference in people’s lives as well as your own?

Even when you have a stellar education, brag-worthy titles, and achievements at your workplace, unless and until you value yourself and recognize and celebrate your achievements, you will never be satisfied with the validation and recognition you receive from the outside world.

Why is it necessary that you value yourself?

Our intrinsic value comes from how we see ourselves compared to others and in relation to the world we live in. If you do not think you matter for what you are and what you bring to the table in terms of qualities, talents, attitudes, and beliefs, believe me, no one else would.

Even if you are highly respected and loved by others in your personal and professional life, a poor sense of self-worth will make you disbelieve those accolades and keep you imprisoned in those limiting beliefs you have about yourself.

Why do you suffer from poor self-worth?

Babies come to the world with a natural sense of self. They love their little bodies and completely accept themselves. If their sense of self is recognized and valued during childhood, their ideas respected, and abilities recognized, they grow up loving and appreciating themselves. They have a clear sense of self, attracting healthy relationships, and achieving success and recognition in their lives.

Conversely, children of hypercritical parents who are often victims of low self-esteem are deprived of unconditional love and support during their growing years, making them feel self-doubt.

Children whose feelings are trampled upon, thoughts belittled and beliefs criticized have a hidden assumption that they do not deserve love and adoration in their life.

Often harsh criticisms and unfair comparisons between siblings can ruin kid’s unwavering beliefs in themselves and can turn them into highly self-critical, emotionally dependent adults in the future.

A healthy sense of self-worth can make you feel valued and a respectable member of society. Valuing yourself will allow you to expect the best for yourself and others and keep you open to kindness and compassion towards yourself and others in your life.

As per research conducted on this matter, healthy self-esteem is crucial to healthy mental and social wellbeing. Healthy self-worth can create a positive outlook on life and relationships, while a general poor self-value can cause mental health issues like depression, social anxiety, eating disorders.

Not valuing oneself can also make a person outwardly violent, and they are more likely to indulge in escapist, high-risk behaviors, and substance abuse.

Signs that you struggle with self-esteem issues:

A person may outwardly look confident and sure of themselves even when they are struggling with self-doubt. However, if recognized, some red flags can make you question how much you value yourself.

Here are signs that you have a poor sense of self-worth:

1)You don’t own your emotions.

As adults, we need to control our emotions and not wear our hearts on our sleeves as we get ready to face the world. But we must always be true to ourselves to be authentic in our lives.

When you are unsure of your worth, you can often mask your true feelings as you don’t think they matter, or you are not sure others will understand you if you present yourself the way you are.

For example, to fit in, you might behave like a fun-loving extrovert who likes to drink and party, while you might want to stay at home and read novels. This can be true about the food you like or your hobbies and goals in your life.

It isn’t easy to keep up with things you can’t relate to just to be accepted in the friend’s circle.

Masking the real you can project a version of yourself that you don’t even recognize, increasing your anxiety in the process. It isn’t easy to live a life that does not reflect your true self. It causes inner conflict that can lead you to negative habits limiting your life and potential.

Sometimes over cheerfulness and positivity can also be a sign of poor self-worth in a person.

2) You lack healthy boundaries.

Having healthy boundaries lets you build solid and lasting relationships without compromising on your beliefs and values. Your boundaries are there to protect your rights and prevent others from walking all over you.

Healthy and clearly defined boundaries let people know what you would agree with and where you draw the line. People who do not have clear boundaries are often neglected and abused in childhood. They are people pleasers and cannot say no to anything.

People who have a vague sense of boundary are often emotionally codependent and violates other’s boundaries by being needy or clingy. They can get quickly caught up in abusive relationships and manipulative situations.

A cloudy sense of self and lack of self-value can blur a person’s boundaries and expose them to emotional abuse and manipulation.

3) You are controlling.

People who lack self-love genuinely believe that they are not lovable. They have an intense fear that if they do not keep a watch on their loved ones, they might cheat or disappear. A lack of belief in oneself leads to an extreme lack of trust in others. This self-defeating attitude often drives away friends and loved ones further.

No one likes to be controlled or told what to do in all situations. All healthy relationships require a basic sense of trust. Controlling people suffer from deep insecurities that prevent them from having thriving relationships in their life. They manipulate people and conditions to make themselves feel secure and loved.

4)You settle for less.

Often, people who do not value themselves try to compensate for lack of self-love by loving others at the expense of their wellbeing. They would sacrifice too much of themselves to make others happy. Being a martyr can give them a sense of self-worth which they crave but do not possess.

You need to accept that you are unconditionally lovable with all your flaws and imperfections. No one can love yourself the way you can. So, stop sacrificing your dreams and goals for other people.

Value your ideas and thoughts and know that you, too, deserve all the good things that life has to offer. To develop and maintain healthy self-esteem, you need to stop living for others. Don’t settle for whatever circumstance has been thrown your way. Strive for the stars as you deserve it.

How do you learn to value yourself?

Even if you have struggled with the idea of self-love and have poor self-esteem, you always have a choice to reorient your life into more productive and fulfilling ways. Taking steps to develop healthy self-esteem can bring love, joy, and fulfillment in your life that you have always wanted.

Here are some of the ways you can develop healthy self-esteem:

1) Learn to love yourself-

“Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with gold at both ends.” ― Author-Poet Aberjhani, Journey through the Power of the Rainbow: Quotations from a Life Made Out of Poetry

We are in a world where people are chanting the words of self-care and self-worth. But how many are practicing them? Nowadays, the words have become somewhat commercialized as they often point towards purchasing expensive products to pamper yourself.

Although you can get stuff to make you feel special, self-love is deeper than that. It means complete self-acceptance. If only you can accept yourself warts and all, you can feel the sense of happiness and fulfillment of a well-loved person.

2) Stop comparing yourself with others-

We are unique beings and are different from each other. No two person in the world is precisely similar to each other. To avoid self-criticism and harsh judgment of oneself, stop comparing yourself to others. Concentrate on your own space and remind yourself that the grass is not greener on the other side.

3) Nurture relationships that help you grow-

Humans are social beings, and we need nurturing relationships to feel stable in our lives. Even when you want to live in a solitary existence, you cannot ignore certain bonds that nourish your soul in the pathway of life.

To maintain mental peace and attain a degree of stability in life, find out people who resonate with you, build lasting friendships and loving relations that support you, and will give you a hand in trying times.

4)Know your strengths and cultivate them-

To develop healthy self-esteem, you need to do more of the things that you are good at. So, if you are great at cooking gourmet meals, throw parties often to allow your friends to sample those delicious dishes. Basking in some well-deserved compliments will make you aware of your value and appreciate yourself more.

Continue to become better in things you love to do and explore other things to learn and master. Learning new skills and brushing up on the existing ones will give you more reason to appreciate your value in this world.

Final Words

It takes a good deal of self-awareness and a truthful assessment of your strength and weaknesses to truly know yourself. Appreciate the person you are and believe in your potential to become the person you dream of being.

As August Wilson rightly said-

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.”