Why Would You Write That?

or Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

I could be wrong.

But I don’t think so. I’m about to go on a rant about the use of vulgar and obscene language in writing and speaking as if it were no more coarse than describing roses.

I’ll understand if you think me not cool, awesome, or Woke because, yea verily, I’m not. Now bear with me here, those of you who are those things; perhaps this can be a teaching moment. And before you roll your eyes, please consider that I’m old enough to have earned that right — to teach. I won’t say how old, but it’s enough for you to know I didn’t vote for Johnson when I had the chance. That’s Lyndon, not Andrew.

Also, for the record, I’m not a prude; I’m not a Puritan; I’m not sanctimonious (I hope).

I’ve been around a few blocks: been in the military, including combat situations; played on sports teams; been a part of guy gatherings where coarse language is part of the ritual. So, I know all the words and have said them. But not so much now because, frankly, I don’t find them useful or necessary in casual conversation or writing. Swearing doesn’t define me. I have more to offer than that.

Don’t get me wrong. I still utter them on occasion when a situation warrants, like stubbing my toe or hammering my thumb or having to thread my way through a phone menu maze just to find out if my prescription is ready… in ENGLISH, not Spanish for the for the fifth {#**$@%&} time!

Maybe it’s my age. I grew up in a different era; back when we were taught respect, manners, and decency. I’m not so sure that happens so much anymore.

Can’t always blame the parents, anyway I try not to. No parent is perfect. I know that because I am one. There’s no good instruction book on parenting. It’s mostly on the job training. My kids are grown now, but God knows I made a lot of mistakes raising them. Still, I didn’t teach them to swear as if they were writing out a grocery list. Mostly, I blame the pop culture.

I think it all started for me in 1988. One Sunday afternoon my wife and I went to see the Movie Rain Man. It is perhaps one of the all-time best movies I’ve seen: Super cast, tremendous story, superb acting. I have an autistic son, so it really hit home with me.

BUT.

It was laced with obscene language, especially the “Queen Mother” of swear words as humorist Jean Shepherd called it in the ubiquitous holiday movie “A Christmas Story.” Yes, the one easily recognized as the “F-Bomb” in all tenses including the present participle. As much as I liked that movie, I came away asking myself, “How did all those obscenities add to the story?” Answer: They added nothing except to mark it down in my admiration of the film overall. If we’d had Amazon back then, I would’ve rated it 2 stars, 3 at the most. A brilliant film tarnished with crude and unnecessary words in the dialogue that added absolutely no value.

Now, writing like that has become common place in films and books. Perniciously common. It’s all-pervasive in just about every movie, every novel, in music, and TV shows. I’ve even watched scenes where children say it, or at least are within earshot of hearing it. It has become as ordinary in dialogue as the word luck.

I read a piece on this platform by a young and talented black writer. It was a satirical piece on racial stereotyping penned with cutting wit. On the whole it was brilliantly written, except… except he casually used the F-bomb. Curiously, in the content he also used the N-word, but he wrote it like this: “n*****.” I asked him, “Why do you considered the N-word offensive (rightly so), but not the F-word?”

His response? “It never occurred to me.”

I could go into all the sociological, psychological, philosophical theories of why all this scatology takes place, but that’s not the purpose of my rant. I ain’t smart enough and it would take way too much research. Besides, I believe my assertion here is symptomatic of a much deeper problem in our society, but that’s a topic for a whole other essay. I’ll leave that to those with strings of letters after their names, which allows them to claim they know what they’re talking about.

The thing is, as writers, inserting vulgar and obscene words into our work doesn’t show our creativity, doesn’t help us build our craft, doesn’t display our talent, doesn’t make us better writers. Truth is, it’s laziness.

Case in point would be the aforementioned humorist, Jean Shepherd. If you don’t know who he is (was), I strongly suggest you go to YouTube and look him up. Funny, funny man. And creative. Like that scene in A Christmas Story where ten-year-old Ralphie drops the F-bomb while helping his dad change a tire. However, the word is never spoken (or written in the screenplay), only alluded to: ala, “the Queen Mother of swear words.” Shepherd carries that scene on hilariously for several minutes (pages) without the four letter word ever being uttered. It’s one of the most inventive and artistic pieces of writing I’ve ever seen. That alone made me a life-long fan of Jean Shepherd. Which is to say I’m more likely to be a fan of writers who don’t use vulgarities than those who do. I expect there are a lot of readers like that.

Here’s what I’m getting at: give yourself more credit as a writer. Don’t be lazy, don’t follow the mob, don’t think you’ll be better liked or more accepted in your craft if you pepper your darlings with salt… wait, is that even possible? Well, you get my drift. You have a creative mind, so build work-arounds for coarseness. Bet your readers will enjoy those more. Certainly your grandmother will, unless your grandmother is Madonna or Grace Slick.

Thanks for sticking with me here. I’d like to direct your attention to this, which I also wrote:

There are so many good and brilliant writers on this platform. Here are some whose content I highly recommend: Casey Botticello, Terry Mansfield, MaryJo Wagner, PhD, Anne Young, Tim Maudlin, John Kremer, Kathy Lum, Kathy Bates, Peter Smyer Jr, Deborah Barchi, Charlotte Zobeir Ali, iWrite!

I’d like to give you something.

Click the image to go to my website. When you join my readers network, I’ll send you a FREE copy of my short story collection, Skins Game.