Why women need more play and leisure time

My journey from gaming to motherhood and now advocating women’s leisure

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” — George Bernard Shaw.

Before the whirlwind of motherhood enveloped me in its relentless timetable, I was an avid gamer, much like many of the young women I knew back then. In my 20s, while living and working in the US, as a designer, I found that many of my friends — both male and female — were passionate about gaming. After a day’s work, we would gather in someone’s apartment, immersing ourselves in video games, while enjoying a few pints and someone's not so good cooking. At that time, I was captivated by the intricate puzzles of the games, Myst and experienced countless adventures in Second Life. Both of these games provided a sense of escape and adventure, while I lived away from home.

As a Canadian transplant surrounded primarily by fellow expatriates from Western Europe, we often sought comfort in each other’s company, rather than venturing out into unfamiliar social terrains. Our countless weekend excursions to New York City were memorable, but it was during those bound evenings of gaming where the seeds of lifelong friendships were sown.

On occasions when the atmosphere was just right, we would centre the Settlers of Catan, a board game, on the main table as we grabbed instructions and formed board alliances. The Settlers of Catan, along with the extensions and expansion now holds a cherished place in my home, adored by my now teenage sons. I do believe there is a new one out but this post tells you I have lots of catching up to do.

Alongside Dungeons and Dragons, The Settlers of Catan, has become a highlight during the Christmas season, a time when everyone unwinds and gathers around the table. These game experiences were not just games to me; they served as gateways to immense new worlds that broadened my imagination, refined my problem-solving skills, and, unexpectedly, schooled me in resilience and creativity.

My journey of personal discovery has illuminated the fundamental truth that playtime transcends mere indulgence — it is crucial, especially for women because so many of us forego these experiences as we “grow up.”

The unwarranted guilt of female leisure

Today, the torch of active gaming has been passed to the three boys in the house, inclusive of my grown GenX partner. As I observe the three of them battle it out on their games of choice — a bit more violent and racy for my own taste, I find myself in moments of self-reflection, asking

“Girl, what happened to us? You used to be so cool.”

Don’t get me wrong — this reflection isn’t about regret. Instead, it reminds me of how life changes and the joy of doing things together with my partner. It also brings up an important question for this post —

Why don’t more women get involved in play?

During my master’s studies, my fascination with virtual worlds took a more academic turn. I envisioned a future where I would not only play games but also create them. At the time, I worked as a film production coordinator but my passion was writing for interactivity. It would have been a dream to work as a gaming writer. I would later lead Autodesk Media and Entertainment Design Leader for their 3D Animation software, Maya. I expect, I came close.

My major school project focused on screen-based controls for graphical user interfaces, exploring how people would interact within games and web environments. This wasn’t just academic curiosity; it was a deep dive into understanding the mechanics of engagement and interaction that make games such powerful tools for connection and exploration.

This experience underscored the potential of gaming to transcend mere entertainment, offering insights into user behaviour, design principles, and the very fabric of digital communication.

As life evolved, and my roles shifted — becoming a mother, a partner, a professional — I found my playtime shrinking. Not just because of the increasing responsibilities, but due to an ingrained sense of guilt. Society often implies that women’s leisure, particularly something as “frivolous” as gaming, is time wasted. That couldn’t be further from the truth. My adventures in Myst and Second Life were not escapism; they were explorations, a way to recharge and to return to my real life with a fresh perspective.

Nurturing our inner child through the art of play

When I speak of “play,” I am primarily focused on gaming, as in my situation. On one hand, I have my sophisticated, adult hobbies — soapmaking, which blends chemistry with creativity; writing, an avenue for profound thoughts and emotions; and gardening, a venture of patience and connection with nature. Each of these activities offers its unique brand of fulfillment, starkly different from the carefree essence traditionally associated with play. But I will contend they offer an excellent stand-in for the ideals of leisure and playtime.

Play, in whatever shape or form, or however you define it in your life — be it through hobbies or extracurricular activities — is a vital way for individuals to reconnect with their inner child.

I have a friend, for instance, for whom play involves experimenting with makeup- eye makeup to be specific. This activity provides her with a euphoric sense of “playtime.” Moreover, there are significant benefits to engaging in play, which I will now briefly explore.

1. Stress relief and mental health

A healthy amount of playtime is always good, though I want to preface this by saying that like anything, it must be moderated. The mental load carried by women, especially mothers, is immense. Playtime, whether it’s gaming, crafting, or any form of engaging leisure, offers a crucial outlet for stress relief and mental well-being.

It’s a slice of time where the only expectations are the ones we set for ourselves, a rare freedom in a schedule often dictated by the needs of others. Like all things there are however caveats, including moderation.

External link

2. Breaking stereotypes and building skills

Gaming, traditionally seen as a male domain, is a testament to the outdated stereotypes that still pervade our society. But here’s the truth: engaging in games like Myst and Second Life honed my problem-solving skills, and awoken my creativity at a time when I worked long hours and needed a way to unwind. I would even say it helped build resilience. For me, these are not just “games.”

They are complex, interactive stories that challenge the mind and spark the imagination. Women’s engagement in gaming and other leisure activities breaks down these stereotypes and showcases the universal appeal and benefits of play.

3. The social aspect of play

Far from the stereotype of gaming as a solitary pursuit, my adventures in virtual realms were deeply communal. These were not mere digital spaces but vibrant hubs of connection, interaction, and empathy that bridged vast distances. This communal aspect of play holds particular significance for women, providing a sense of unity and belonging that might elude us in the fragmented reality of our everyday lives.

Advocating for equality in play and leisure

Now, as I have stated, this is about my own gaming experience and growing into motherhood, where this became a feature of my past life. Even though you do not game, as a woman, the idea of play, can also include other activities that fill in for the escapism that women have somewhat given up and yet still normalize as a part of male culture.

Promoting the importance of playtime for women is also a call for equality. Leisure should not be gendered. The benefits of play — be it gaming, sports, or any form of leisure — are universal. It’s time to challenge the narrative that devalues women’s leisure time as less important or less deserving than men’s.

Reflecting on my days immersed in the worlds of Myst and Second Life, I realize that those moments of play were not just an escape; they were a vital part of my well-being. As women, we need to reclaim our right to play, to explore, to imagine, and to relax. Let’s redefine what it means to take time for ourselves, not as an indulgence but as a necessity for our mental health and happiness.

Let’s play, not just for the sake of leisure but as an act of self-care and empowerment.

https://www.humantechfutures.ca/

About me: Hello, my name is Kem-Laurin, and I am one half of the co-founding team of Human Tech Futures. At Human Tech Futures, we’re passionate about helping our clients navigate the future with confidence! Innovation and transformation are at the core of what we do, and we believe in taking a human-focused approach every step of the way.

We understand that the future can be uncertain and challenging, which is why we offer a range of engagement packages tailored to meet the unique needs of both individuals and organizations. Whether you’re an individual looking to embrace change, a business seeking to stay ahead of the curve, or an organization eager to shape a better future, we’ve got you covered.

Connect with us at https://www.humantechfutures.ca/contact