Why We Worry And Why We Shouldn’t

My 4 don’ts for a carefree life

Our modern society has many paradoxes, one of which is that, despite having substantially improved our quality of life in the past centuries, we are still suffering under constant stress.

Food, water, heat, and all our basic needs have never been so easily available, we have unprecedented access to knowledge and resources, but we are still struggling with anxiety.

We all have different challenges in life, and it is more than understandable that, in some situations, we can’t avoid feeling stressed. Especially when our basic needs and rights are under threat due to financial, legal, health, or emotional circumstances.

But in many cases, the stress we are constantly feeling can be substantially reduced by developing the right mindset. Like we train our body by exercising regularly, we have to train our mind to worry less by reassuring it constantly with the right thoughts.

From school to university and now in the workplace I have spent my fair amount of time worrying about things: my physical appearance, my relationships, my grades, my career, and negative feedback, just to name a few.

Realizing how much time and energy I was wasting on my worries and the negative impact it had on my ability to enjoy the present, I defined the 4 don’ts, which now serve as my guideline for a carefree life.

1. Don’t worry about the opinion of others

We are probably all guilty at times, to have worried about the way we are dressed, the way we look, or the way we are perceived. These are all understandable worries because we want to fit in and emotionally connect with others.

What we often fail to consider, is that, just like we are often too worried about ourselves to judge those around us, so is everyone else.

We are all protagonists in our narratives, and the behavior of others is barely noticed, as long as it doesn’t impact our own story.

What truly matters is not how others perceive us, but the way we make them feel. Instead of worrying about being considered boring, weird, or stupid, we should worry about making others feel loved, understood, and appreciated.

People who enjoy how we make them feel when we are with them will want to remain in our lives, and people with a negative opinion of us will pass by and barely remember us after a while.

2. Don’t worry about short-term implications

When faced with unexpected events or challenging tasks, we often worry about what went or could go wrong and its potential impact.

We are afraid that our mistakes during an exam will make us fail a class at university. We fear forgetting what to say during a presentation in front of a large audience, or we fear being brutally rejected when confessing our feelings to the person we like.

Often, during our emotional ups and downs, we neglect to consider the long-term consequences of our failures. In reality, these consequences are frequently minimal.

Failing a class won’t hinder our ability to secure a job, a poorly delivered presentation will fade from memory in just a matter of weeks, and a rejection doesn’t prevent us from looking for someone else who reciprocates our feelings.

3. Don’t worry without the big picture in mind

Sometimes, things for which we invest a lot of time, end up not going the way we want them to go. Our promotion, after months of hard work, may be put into question, because of a bad feedback we received, or we may risk skipping a race for which we trained very hard because of a bad flu.

Seeing the achievement of our major goals at risk may trigger in us a spiral of negative thoughts. We may end up magnifying a problem or a certain risk, leading us even to question our identity and purpose in life.

The reason is that we forget to look at the big picture. Nothing, it doesn’t matter how relevant it may seem in a specific moment, can be everything in our life. Looking at the big picture should remind us, that life brings joy from different sources: when in one area things don’t go as planned, other areas will compensate.

Looking at the big picture also means understanding what we should prioritize and what not. Anything that is not negatively affecting our freedom, our safety, or our physical and mental health, should not be the reason for excessive stress.

4. Don’t worry about things beyond your control and responsibility

Living in an interconnected society exposes us to a vast amount of global information. Due to our natural inclination, we tend to focus on potential threats, leading news companies to thrive by spreading messages of danger, catastrophes, or conflicts.

Consequently, we spend time and energy worrying about all the current threats, without actually being able to do anything about it.

This reactive worrying is not only related to global events but also to situations within our lives. We may worry about being liked back by someone, about impressing a manager, or winning a competition.

All of these things can be influenced by us only up to a certain extent. Once we have done our best to achieve a positive outcome, and we know that the rest depends on external circumstances, or on the actions and opinions of others, we should stop worrying.

It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.

— Epictetus

We can’t influence external circumstances, change other’s opinion, or predict their actions, but we can learn to worry less about what is beyond our control and responsibility.

Consistently following these 4 don’ts is not easy. I still regularly find myself worrying about things I shouldn’t, instead of enjoying the things I should. But like I train my body by exercising regularly, I try to train my mind to follow the right thought process whenever worries arise.

Life passes by very fast, and we really should not spend it focusing on the wrong things. Unnecessary worries are one of those.

Our health is our priority, and chronic stress negatively affects our life expectancy. No matter what we face, we need to either handle our stress, or leave the situation that causes it when we have the chance.

No overly demanding manager and no toxic partner are worth our own physical and mental health.