Why We Should Cherry Pick Advice
One size doesn’t really fit all
There are people in real life and on social media platforms seeking advice for all sorts of things.
They may go deep and personal. It may be a work-related question. At times, it screams with sadness and struggles. You hate to think that their question, their need, may go unanswered.
Careless are those people who respond with unfiltered and inappropriate statements.
Just as careless are the all-knowing, self-appointed gurus of life.
Emotional Advice
The people that jump in, rush to judgment, and profess superior knowledge, should be avoided, quite frankly. If they have a need to Lord over others, they are simply masking their own insecurities.
No one knows everything.
No one knows everything.
The puffery can be subtle or in-your-face, but in either presentation, their ego leads the way.
Keep in mind, a lion never needs to tell you it’s a lion.
The loudest ones, filled with grand sweeping statements to ‘help’ you, lack the confidence to be still.
Strength of character is still.
I get very uncomfortable when people offer definitive and extreme emotional advice. Using words like “never” or “always” when it comes to opinion-based direction is limiting and quite unsettling. If it comes at an insistence and high volume, I get even more on edge.
Maybe the advice seeker is filled with anxiety, and sweeping generalizations wouldn’t work for them.
It can feel like a nail in the coffin of doom when they know they can’t fulfill a recommendation. Careful consideration needs to come into play.
To the advice-givers: know your audience before you pontificate.
It would be helpful if people stopped to think of the potential impact of their advice. Look down the road of how it may be received by the more vulnerable. If the original plea seems to be coming from a pain-filled cry for help, reflect before you speak. Chances are that the sensitivities, already present, will become heightened as the suggestions are analyzed.
In many instances, these people will feel pressure to comply, forgetting that they have choices. They may not discount the information as ill-fitting for them personally.
This will enhance the existing anxiety.
Offer examples instead. Let them know what you did and alternative routes that you may have taken. Broader concepts of opportunities will have a built-in concept of choices.
Career Advice
Lately, I have heard people soliciting advice who are feeling inadequate in their chosen careers or new endeavors. Wanting to understand how other people seem to be wildly more successful than their contemporaries would be a natural curiosity.
But, what we do with the answers can have a negative effect.
Advice is given with missing foundational understandings. Everyone is on a different leg of the journey. The circumstances of getting there, or where they are headed, will rarely be identical. I am watching people change who they are, mirroring the advice giver, and losing the essence of their own uniqueness.
If procedural items are missing, by all means, address them. It morphs into shaky territory when the ego is in the forefront. Be wary.
Many advice-seekers seem to want the spotlight held by another. The same questions are piling up from so many who desire to be on top.
Earn it as you.
It may simply take time, hard work, and patience.
It shouldn’t be a deal with the devil. Selling your soul, stepping on others, losing your identity to achieve your goal may eventually lead you to the top.
But, at what cost?
It is only a matter of time that using people, coat tail riding, assuming a different voice will be discovered. And, so the vulnerable who are misguided and follow the lion may be ultimately self-sabotaging.
Professional success may be hollow and lonely as the house built on sand erodes and collapses for the posers.
And so, recognize that we can’t control all of the uninformed and knee-jerk solutions offered. If you throw a question into the ring, be prepared to feel unprepared for the answers.
What to Do?
We can control how we employ any of all of the advice.
Just because we solicit answers doesn’t mean we have to agree with them or even use any of them.
There is nothing wrong with seeking guidance. Asking questions is important to learn and grow. Be a gatherer of information. Load up your arsenal of personal choices, and use them as you need or enjoy.
Not only is it perfectly acceptable to pick and choose what to try as changes are sought, but it also comes highly recommended. Tuck some away for further inspection later. Throw out the obvious ones that you know aren’t your style.
Do it for you.
Not for someone else.
Be your authentic, uniquely, incredible self, just as you are.