Summary

The article discusses why people perceive and react to situations differently, emphasizing the importance of empathy in understanding seemingly irrational behaviors.

Abstract

The author illustrates the complexity of human decision-making through a personal anecdote involving a found $10 bill, where differing perceptions of risk led to different actions. The concept of sonder is introduced to explain the internal narratives that influence our decisions, suggesting that what seems rational to one person may not be to another due to individual beliefs and desires. The article argues that despite our self-perception as rational beings, our choices are often driven by emotions, as seen in brand loyalty or risky behaviors like texting while driving. Recognizing that others' actions are not intentionally irrational can foster empathy and improve our interactions with them, even when their behavior seems incomprehensible.

Opinions

The author believes that people act according to their own unique set of beliefs and desires, which can lead to unpredictable behavior.
It is suggested that the concept of rationality is subjective and influenced by emotional drivers, as evidenced by the loyalty of Apple users despite comparable technology from competitors.
The article posits that acknowledging the irrationality in ourselves and others can lead to greater empathy and understanding.
The author criticizes the tendency to let others' actions negatively affect our mood and suggests that accepting the diversity of human behavior can improve our well-being.
The piece concludes that by recognizing that no one is making intentionally irrational choices, we can better understand even the strangest actions of others, such as leaving money behind.

Why We See the Same Thing, Differently

And this can lead to developing empathy

My friend, who I’ve known for 7 years, and I were walking back after a run when we simultaneously locked eyes on a 10 dollar bill calling out to us from the side of the road.

Our reaction was to reach out for it. As it was coming down to a photo finish, something instinctively held my friend back.

The slight hesitation cost him the unexpected windfall and I was the lucky recipient.

I asked him why he didn’t go for it. He cooly replied, “because it’s probably counterfeit.” I asked what made him think that. He responded, “if it was real, someone would have already picked it up.”

What Does It Mean To Be Rational?

I came across a word recently that put a lot of my frustrations with how people act into perspective. The word was sonder. Basically, it’s the noise in each of our heads — the daily complexities of life we all internalize.

We think if someone is rational then they’re going to do what makes sense. So we should be able to predict what they’re going to do.

But as you’ve probably encountered, everybody acts “rationally” according to their own metric. Anytime someone makes a decision, he chooses based on what he knows, believes, and wants.

The truth is we all decide emotionally and try to justify rationally.

Think about your die-hard Apple fan. Even though Apple’s technology is no better than its competitors, that statement would be blasphemous to an Apple user. But when asked why Apple is king, they can only mutter something about their design and how they “get me.”

Or how about when two angry people jaw at each other. Their “logical” arguments are driven by pure emotion. It’s not until they’ve cooled down do they realize the error in their earlier comments.

We’re All Irrational

We often think the rational thing that someone is going to do is what we would do given the same situation because most of us would like to believe that we are rational. Of course, we’re not and neither is anyone else.

Think about something most of us have done. For example, texting and driving. We inherently know it’s dangerous. We’ll even admit to it. We’ve heard countless horror stories surrounding it. This behavior illustrates the way we’re capable of inflicting self-harm without thinking about long-term consequences.

Take a more recent observation. We can call them the chin-strapping smokers. They are the ones who go puffing on their death sticks with minimal concern about long-term health risks even with a gruesome graphic printed directly on the box. After they’ve butted out their cigarettes, they flip their masks back on and go about their day.

Conclusion

Too many moods are ruined by other’s actions. I know I’ve stewed over unnecessary rhetorical questions like, “how did that person pass a driver’s test” on more occasions than I’d like to admit. While that driver is living his life oblivious to my concern, I’m conjuring up more negative thoughts. Why agonize over someone’s behavior and have it ruin your day when the “offender” isn’t even thinking about you?

People don’t necessarily do what you think they’ll do. Trying to change someone is an ineffective attempt to erase a lifetime of set beliefs.

As soon as we realize no one is intentionally making irrational random choices, we have a real shot at empathy. If we can start to accept this, maybe we can start understanding each other a bit more — even strange acts of leaving money on the table.