Why do we love the people who reject us?
Some time ago, I was really in love with someone, but that person didn´t love me, at least not in the same way. Each time that person rejected me, it seemed like my love for him grew more. What a strange thing, right?
I talked with somebody about why this happens, and that person suggested a book. What that book said is that sometimes when we have problems with our parents, we try to find a person with the same characteristics because, in our minds, we think that we will be able to overcome what we were not able to fix in our parents. This is a big mistake because a person can change, but just if that person wants. That is the explanation of that book.
Receiving love and acceptance from someone we admire can boost our self-esteem and validate our worthiness. But when someone rejects us, we may interpret it as a personal failure, leading us to believe that if we can win their love, it will validate our self-worth.
When that person that I loved in the past did anything that made me feel unloved, my mind instantly started trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, because it is funny, but when we are in love, we think that the person that we love is too good to hurt us (a false belief), so we must be guilty and the other person must be innocent of hurting our feelings, right?
I want you to ask yourself these questions.
You will imagine that today is the day that you met your ex, but the difference is that on your first date, you are able to know every bad thing about Him or Her that you know right now (because the normal thing is that at the beginning people try to hide their bad things), but now you will imagine that today is the first day and you are able to know in advance all the bad things He or She has.
Now imagine that on that first day, he or she wants a relationship with you. Will you accept all the things that you know? Maybe the answer will be no, right? Then why are you still loving that person that hurt you so much? Don’t misunderstand; we should always forgive everybody. That is what God said to us, but one thing is to forgive, and another thing is to want to have a relationship.
The meaning of forgiving is not hating that person. If He or She needs something and you are able to help, yes, you should help Him or Her even if that person is not nice to you, but you don´t have to stay in a relationship.
The only kind of relationships that God said should not be broken are marriages, but if you are not married, you don´t have to stay.
I also want you to ask another question.
Do you want to go back with that person because you miss the person, because you feel lonely, or because you miss the things that you did with that person? Maybe you always go to that restaurant, and now that you are single, you feel lonely, so you think that it would be nice to go back with your ex. Well, that is not a good reason to go back with someone. It is not easy to forget someone, but time is the best thing to heal.
How to stop this?
I am not a professional. I can just write about my own experiences. If you are someone who is feeling pain right now because someone doesn’t love you, etc., you should know that the things that people think of us don’t define our worth as human beings.
Maybe someone said to you that you are too thin, maybe that person doesn’t like that, but that doesn’t mean that thin people are ugly.
You should keep something in mind. You are worthy of love, not because of how you look or the amount of money in your bank account.
You are worth because you are a human being with feelings and you deserve respect. If someone doesn’t like it, don´t worry. You will find someone who will love you in the way that you deserve.
I will write about something that happened some time ago. I had a Facebook page without any pictures of any person because it was a Facebook page for a business. That Facebook page had 0 personal comments.
The only posts I put were for items, but I didn’t make personal comments. Well, some stranger sent me a message that said you are not pretty and you are crazy.
To be clear, the Facebook page didn’t even have my name. It was a Facebook page for a business, so there is no way that person can know my name, how I physically look, or what I think. I am saying all of this so that you realize that some people enjoy bothering people. If we get angry, they win, when someone treats you badly ignore them.