Why We Lose Friends Faster than We Make One

Is it really about them or you?

Most of the resentments we hold towards other people are usually based on false assumptions. We put ourselves at the center of every conversation. We blame others for being responsible for how we feel because our ego can’t handle it.

Let’s say I was driving slowly, and the vehicle behind honks and flashes his headlight, urging me to move faster. My first reaction will be to get pissed and conclude his actions are personal. If we were in a conversation and you pulled out your phone, chatting on Facebook, I would take it personally.

If I had an appointment with you and you canceled at the last minute, I see you posting images on Instagram a few minutes later. I would take it that I’m less important or that you must have personal issues with me to cancel our appointment.

I have learned that being aware that we can’t control how other people react or respond to us helps us disregard their bad behaviors. How we react to a situation is more important than how the other person behaves.

No one has the power over you; your thoughts and emotions expect you. No one can drive you crazy if you learn to stop taking things personally, and here are some strategies to make that happen.

Everything is not always about you

That frustration you feel when someone ignores your question or refuses to engage in a conversation is not because they have an issue with you. Try to shift your mindset from the “me” to “we” perceptive when you feel something that happened is personal.

People get carried away pursuing different tasks, and their thoughts run wild in hours.

The driver honking behind you might be in a hurry to get to an emergency. The friend scrolling through her phone may have just received a text she was waiting for before your conversation started.

When you try to reason from the other person’s perception, you will be surprised at how wrong you were all along.

Try to see the good in criticism

Sometimes, when people criticize us, we tend to flip into a rage, but taking a closer assessment, we may notice that the critic has pointed out a bad habit or manner that we need to change.

By giving ourselves permission to be empathetic, we can speak up about what bothers us without blaming the other person.

This will make the other person recognize their wrong and take your need into account.

Like the friend chatting on her phone while you were still speaking, you can call her attention say, “Hey, I’m talking to you, and you are chatting with someone else.”

Your friend will more likely apologize, stop chatting, and gives you all her attention. By doing so, you feel more at peace with yourselves.

Final thoughts

Sometimes when we take things personally, it’s usually because of the childhood experiences we have. If you grew up feeling insecure about yourself, chances are you will have low self-esteem. This can interfere with your relationship with people.

The way you treat other people is how they will most often treat you too, in the long run. When you are kinder towards others, then you tend to treat and think of yourself more kindly too.

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