Summary

The article discusses the psychological concept of 'trait reactance' and the author's personal struggle with resisting directives, particularly in the context of being told how to rake leaves.

Abstract

The author of the article, who has been researching topics related to autonomy and dependence, shares a personal anecdote about being instructed by his wife on how to rake leaves, which he perceives as an unnecessary directive. He references a New York Times article that suggests the benefits of leaving fallen leaves on the ground to nourish the soil, which aligns with his own inclinations. The article delves into the concept of 'trait reactance,' a term describing the negative emotional response to perceived limitations on one's freedom. The author admits to experiencing reactance frequently, often reacting with anger and a lack of confidence in asserting his position calmly. He explores strategies for overcoming reactance, such as recognizing the benefits of instructions, choosing battles wisely, and communicating respectfully, which he acknowledges he has yet to master. The essay concludes by emphasizing the universality of reactance and the importance of managing one's emotional responses to directives.

Opinions

The author views the directive to rake leaves in a specific way as silly and unfounded in natural processes.
He feels offended and irrationally resistant when faced with what he perceives as unreasonable instructions, indicating a personal struggle with reactance.
The author identifies with the concept of 'trait reactance' and acknowledges its influence on his behavior, recognizing his reactions as often counterproductive.
He is critical of his own inability to respond to directives without anger and acknowledges a lack of confidence in defending his stance without escalating the situation.
The author suggests that reframing an experience can mitigate the feeling of threatened freedom, proposing that not all suggestions are attempts at control.
He offers solutions for dealing with reactance, such as recognizing the value of certain instructions, selecting which instructions to challenge, and communicating opposition respectfully.
Despite understanding the concept of reactance and potential strategies to manage it, the author admits that he has not yet successfully applied these strategies in his own life.

Why We Don’t Like to be Told What to Do

The perils of too many directives and too few defenses against influencers

I was looking for writing topics related to autonomy and dependence. Guess what? My wife just walked into my home office to tell me how to properly rake leaves in the garden.

She claims a professional landscaper told her I should allow no more than two inches of leaves on the ground, followed by a topping of mulch. And, further, that leaves should be raked away from around the base of trees.

This was a silly suggestion; two inches and cleanliness around the trunks? I have never noted any trends like this in the great outdoors! In this essay, I will offer pointers on how to respond to unnecessary or unseemly directives.

Leaving Leaves

I had just read in the NY Times that deteriorating leaves are a significant source of nutrients for the soil. To quote:” In recent years, some naturalists have called for an approach known as “leaving leaves” when they fall to the ground, which would return organic materials to the soil.”

So, before the conversation above, I planned to rake up the leaves on the driveway but leave the rest alone, as per the Times article.

The way I figure things out, if you are going to do a job, you get to choose how to do it. My wife does not rake leaves, period.

I am feeling offended that I am being told what to do in this instance. And this is not the first time. Often, in the face of off-putting admonishments in the past, I felt weakened, unable to defend my way, angry that my freedom was being limited, and, in general, ticked off.

Trait Reactance

Now I learn there is a term for this feeling. It is called ‘trait reactance’ and consists of an unpleasant motivational reaction to offers, persons, rules, or regulations that threaten or eliminate freedom.

It is claimed that reactance encourages some people to not comply and can increase resistance to persuasion. This is me, for sure. I view this reaction as irrational and hard to defend.

Some individuals “might employ reverse psychology to exploit reactance for their benefit, to influence someone to choose the opposite of what is being requested. Reactance can occur when an individual senses that someone is trying to compel them to do something; often the individual will offer resistance and attempt to extricate themselves from the situation.”

Overcoming Reactance

There is a wealth of advice about overcoming reactance, but it is mostly irrelevant to my situation. And that is because, at the base, I lack the confidence to mount a non-angry response that calmly and logically outlines my position.

I go nuclear right way which does not do me any good. And not being able to manage my temper, I am left with few options. Mostly I tend to escape from the field and view it as not worth the hassle and the consequences.

As I have been researching this idea, I‘ve become aware of my own psychological reactance. For example, I often don’t explain my preferences for fear of giving offense or because I don’t have the courage to express my convictions.

A confident and self-assured person should be fine. Unfortunately, this is not me.

Some experts suggest reframing an experience, so it is no longer a threat to freedom. Just because someone suggests something does not mean they are trying to control us.

A study found that telling participants that “they are free to decide for themselves what is good for them “after being told to do a specific health behavior like flossing their teeth or wearing sunscreen reduced reactance.

Solutions to Consider

. If you suffer from reactance, here are some tips to help you overcome your resistance to being told what to do:

- Recognize the benefits of following instructions. Sometimes, being told what to do can save time, energy, and mistakes. It can also help you learn new skills, gain feedback, and improve your performance. (For example, in the kitchen, though my skills are improving, my wife knows some shortcuts which I am happy to follow. )

- Choose your battles wisely. Not every instruction is worth resisting. Some are trivial, some are reasonable, and some are mandatory. Before you react negatively, ask yourself if it is worth the trouble.

- Communicate respectfully. If you have a reason to disagree with an instruction, express it calmly and politely. (Not like me.) Don’t argue, complain, or blame. Instead, use “I” statements, such as “I feel…”, “think…”, or “I prefer…”. Try to understand the other person’s perspective.

Final Word

In conclusion, the aversion to being told what to do is a universal human experience, and it often triggers a psychological reaction known as ‘trait reactance.’ This essay has explored how this feeling of resistance can be triggered by well-intentioned advice or instructions and how it can lead to emotional responses that may not always serve us well.

Thanks for reading my story.