Why We Almost Never Hear a D.C. Politician Apologize

A surprising new theory

Many people have likely noticed that politicians in Washington D.C. very rarely apologize for their bad deeds; and when they do it’s usually followed by a “but.” I’ve ruminated about this for some time, trying to understand why it’s so hard to say “I apologize” or “I’m sorry.”

In truth, people other than politicians sometimes have difficulty with being able to do this; but while thinking about the question I had an epiphany in specific reference to politicians, which I describe further below.

As in developing a theory on any subject, one is required to also consider other explanations as part of the testing of the hypothesis. In this case, I considered some attributes (real or perceived) of people in general and politicians in specific — things that might explain why they can’t apologize.

I discard the notion that there is never anything to apologize for because mistakes or bad conduct never occur; which I view as a pretty safe assumption to exclude from the theory.

Overall, it seems to me that arrogance and hubris might explain quite a lot. Can you think of any politicians whose arrogance and hubris (and Narcissism)are often on display? I can, but happily it’s not necessary to discuss them.

In fact, my new theory (pretty specific to D.C. politicians) suggests that apart from arrogance and hubris one need not continue to look for other explanations, all of which tend to be complicated. Many readers will have heard of Occam’s Razor: all things being equal, the simplest explanation is always the right one.

Here’s my new theory, and I think it is simple and elegant:

Politicians have learned that the word apologia in the Greek doesn’t mean apology. It means defense. I know what you’re thinking, as I posed the same question inward. You’re wondering how politicians like Donald Trump, and scads of Representatives and Senators in Washington know the Greek word apologia and its meaning and were bright enough to see how they could play the situation— because in other respects they seem, uh, pretty dense.

The explanation is simple. Both chambers of Congress have a parliamentarian, whose duty is to know things other people don’t, and to advise their respective leaders. A President has the Office of White House Counsel. These people know things; and what they don’t know they are required to find out. And they pass it on.

So that’s my theory. Yes, believe it or not: in this game of Clue, at least three different people killed The Apology, with a Greek dictionary, on The Hill.

Or maybe they’re just A-holes who feel an apology on the record would hurt them if they get sued or impeached? Damn! I’ll need to think that over, and see how it impacts on my theory.