Why U Hatin’? I’m A Woman Too

Summary

The article discusses the detrimental impact of women judging and hating on each other, suggesting that unity and support among women are crucial for overcoming societal challenges and inequalities.

Abstract

The author of the article expresses frustration over the prevalent judgmental attitudes and lack of support among women, despite the shared struggles they face due to societal standards and workplace discrimination. She recounts personal experiences of sexism and harassment in the workplace and the double standards women face regarding their appearance and life choices, such as working outside the home or staying at home with children. The author emphasizes that women tearing each other down only perpetuates the systemic issues they collectively face, including pay inequality and objectification. She advocates for solidarity among women, urging them to redirect their energy towards constructive change rather than petty criticisms.

Opinions

Women are often complicit in perpetuating harmful stereotypes and beauty standards by judging each other based on appearance.
The author has faced discrimination in the workplace, including inappropriate comments and suggestions about her attire from male colleagues.
The article criticizes the tendency of women to criticize each other's life choices, such as the decision to work or stay at home.
The author believes that women's hate towards each other serves the interests of those who benefit from their division and exploitation.
She points out that women are often more critical of each other than men are, particularly in terms of physical appearance and aging.
The piece calls for a truce among women, encouraging them to recognize their collective power and work together to challenge societal norms.
The author suggests that women should focus on supporting one another, understanding that each woman's choices and circumstances are valid.
She highlights the importance of empathy and respect among women, noting that unity can lead to significant progress in addressing gender inequality.

Hating On Each Other Isn’t Helping Us

Where are all my supportive sisters at? No, not figuratively. I’m serious. I don’t know how many things I’ve read, how many conversations I’ve had where we, as women, complain about how men, or society, treat us.

And the points are valid. As women, we’re constantly judged by our looks and held up to ridiculous beauty standards that only a handful of us among millions can even hope to live up to. And newsflash, some of us don’t want to.

We’re still marginalized in the workplace. We still get only 89 cents on the dollar as compared to our male counterparts for the same job here in Canada (according to a 2018 Statistics Canada study cited by the CBC):

Heck, as an eager 36-year-old first-year law student interviewing for a job with the most prestigious law firm in the area, I was asked by the male interviewer whether or not I planned to have more children. I had 3, they were 17, 15 and 13, apparently acceptable ages for the firm as they didn’t need nursing or constant attention. This was in 2007.

Then, after accepting the job, I was harassed at every turn by male colleagues. Some, like the so-called partner in charge of students, just outright told me how hot I looked and what they wanted to do. Others, in their helpful way, suggested I wear shorter, more form-fitting dresses to discoveries (depositions, for my American pals) and meetings as a way to disarm the other side.

But, here’s the thing, I expected that from the fellas. I know what they’re about. My question is more about the woman on woman hate. What the hell?

Too thin? The big girls are all over you. I’ve had women tell me to grab a cookie, in the grocery store. Too big? Some bitch feels the need to tell you to grab a carrot or an apple or give you the “calories in, calories out” shit.

Too pretty? Look out! I was never accused of that before I was 30, then I was. I get that pretty privilege is a thing, and that I did benefit from it back in the day. That being said, it’s not men that hate, it’s women. Other women that call me names, that tell me I have a fu*ked up face, that pull their husbands away from my general vicinity in the grocery store as if I’m at Walmart shopping for dudes in the produce aisle.

Wear makeup, get cosmetic surgery, use filters, the haters, female haters, are all over you. Ditch the bra, the warpaint and the bunny nose, you look old and tired and your boobs sag. Yeah, well, my boobs don’t sag, thanks. There’s never been enough to sag. And if I look tired, it’s because I’m tired, but thanks for the judgment. Oh, hey, where’s your picture? Why is it just a random puppy? Hmmmmm

Work outside the home? You’re wrong, you’re not housewife of the year. Stay at home? Well, you suck too because someone, and it will be another woman, will call you lazy, entitled, or privileged. I tried staying home with my 2 youngest kids. I did it for 2 years. I didn’t feel entitled or privileged. I felt exhausted and underappreciated. I was good at it because I forced myself. I didn’t love it. Sorry, not sorry.

I was recently called out by a woman on Facebook, a person I’ve known for 40 years who decided to tell everyone that I’m writing to get attention because my looks have gone to shit. Maybe they are, don’t know. Personally, I think I’m holding my own. I’m not 20. Don’t care. But I write because it’s what I do. It’s what I’ve always done. It’s what I’ll always do.

I really don’t get it. I want to, but I don’t. Maybe it’s because I was raised by my father mostly and I hung out with the boys more than the girls, but I don’t get the woman on woman hate. Isn’t that exactly what the powers that be want, to keep us divided and conquered so they can keep paying us less and compelling us to buy useless crap that doesn’t make us look any better?

We’re smarter than that. Or I thought we were. I was wrong. Why don’t we call a truce with each other? Imagine what we could accomplish if we stopped judging and hating each other and directed our energies toward the things that truly need it.

That skinny model doesn’t need your hate, she needs your power to step out of a system that objectifies her. That single mother that posted a video on TicToc out with her girls, blowing off steam after 6 months doesn’t need to hear your treatise about keeping her ass home with her kids. Maybe she needs another grown woman to talk to. That big sister didn’t ask for your diet advice. She just posted a picture.

And I didn’t ask for your permission to be me. I AM just me. And you’re just you. Let’s try lifting each other up rather than tearing each other down. Let’s try celebrating the diversity of cultures, choices and people we are as women and our immense power, both individually and together.

Imagine what we could accomplish if we just paused for a second before posting “she thinks she’s so …..” and we looked at her, whoever she is, as another woman, a fellow human being in the world, worthy of respect and understanding. As the old saying goes, united we stand, divided we fall. Just a thought, it might just work. :)