Why This Teacher Took A Year Off
And why I am uncertain I will go back.
I have taught elementary kids for 15 years. I mostly taught 5th grade until these last few years when I bounced around between 3rd, 5th, and then down to 4th my last year. I love teaching. I’m good at teaching. I was good at teaching different learning styles, keeping in touch and making partnerships with parents, and making sure that kids knew they weren’t just a name on my roll sheet but one of my kiddos and that I loved them and cared about them.
So it came as a shocker to my coworkers when I decided I was going to take a year off from teaching. I felt terrible about it for several reasons:
- Teachers work in an environment that when they take off or don’t take hours of work home or whatever that they are guilt-tripped with “But what about the kids? You are supposed to teach and be happy for the kids.” Absolutely I am there for the kids, so making a decision to stop teaching for my own needs and health made me feel guilty beyond belief.
- Teaching is a thankless job sometimes. We are overworked and underpaid and criticized for our every move and human failures. So much so, that good and great teachers are fleeing from the profession and I felt like I was abandoning my tribe and being selfish (again that teacher mentality).
- I actually worked at a really great school with principals that cared for us and worked with us and respected us. There are so many other teachers with horror stories of their experiences and I’m lucky enough to say I was blessed with my school.
So what finally made me leave?
I was tired…
I was tired of working late hours into the night and missing time with my family. I am not a teacher that can just teach from a textbook. If I am going to teach, I want it to be meaningful and exciting and leave an impression on the students. This takes time and preparation. Then teaching 120 kids, the grading is insane unless I do typical multiple-choice on a computer program for everything.
I was tired of watching my kids look disappointed when I was so tired or stressed or busy from teaching that I couldn’t muster anymore by the end of the day. It broke my heart.
I was tired of finally getting a handle on the current requirements that were staggering only to have more handed down from upper admin. They change programs and trendy “save your district” techniques on us every year. I’m not talking about trying out google slides… we are talking full-blown massive programs that require hours and hours of unpaid training time. (Which, by the way, reading teachers were threatened to have done or lose pay this past year).
I still remember during the mess of the pandemic when loads of students were not getting on for virtual lessons. They had done none of the work at all, parents weren’t meeting us halfway and the upper admin wasn’t requiring them to come to class. They just were passed on to the next grade. (BTW, we were doing actual teaching… they weren’t assignments passed down for parents to deal with.) We had a zoom meeting with our superintendent and I asked him, “What are your plans for next year when all of these students are now 2 years behind due to never coming to class or school and were never held accountable and now we can’t get them to a level to reach the scores you want for STAAR?” Do you know what he said to me?
“You will have to figure it out.”
That was the moment when it occurred to me… we are nothing but a faceless army that they can abuse to get the scores they want. We don’t matter.
So, How is a Year Off Working Out?
It has been amazing, to tell the truth.
I still feel a pang of sadness when I run into previous students who are so excited to see me and I feel like I’m letting them down not continuing to teach right now.
My house is clean, my kids clothes are washed and folded and ironed, I have groceries in the fridge and homecooked meals on the table for my children. It’s awesome LOL.
When my kids come home from school, I am with them and talking to them and hanging out WITH THEM. They are loving it and are already begging me not to go back next year.
My husband loves that I am a more relaxed and happy person. You carry a lot of emotional weight as a teacher and now that I am out from under it… I can’t imagine placing it back on…
I’m a person that can’t just sit around the house though so of course I’ve been busy working on my online business and writing here on Medium and my principal called asking if I would like to tutor for their school part-time. I accepted the job. I get to teach kids but leave behind the shackles. To be honest… my husband doesn’t even want me to tutor… I think he is having PTSD from being a teacher’s husband. Poor guy.
Will I go back?
I don’t know…
I’m only about 17 years from retirement so that’s something to think about.
My kids go to a Christian Private school so I have thought about teaching there if the opportunity arises and leaving my public school arena as I feel our district has become a little toxic. I am set up to help assist the tennis coach come January so that should be fun and I’ve been making connections with the staff there since my kids have started attending.
At the same time, I kinda wanna write and do my art and just enjoy my family. I’m also tempted to open a Pinspiration business in my town if I can eventually get the funding up and going. Maybe I’ll do private tutoring. So many possibilities!
I don’t know what the future holds… I still feel like a teacher and think like a teacher…. but for the first time, I feel like I could be more than some district’s faceless dispensable warrior.
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