Why the Scapegoat Has the Hardest Time to Heal

The Scapegoat, in a narcissistic family, may have the hardest and most challenging journey ahead of them when they decide they need to heal and recover from enduring narcissistic abuse.

The path is not easy, nor is it fair.

It’s challenging and it’s not really fun.

But, it’s essential.

If you were the family scapegoat, but didn’t realize it until perhaps you were an adult, stay tuned.

Maybe you felt something was off in your home environment growing up, maybe you tried to come to terms with it much earlier but nothing really clicked until you learned about narcissism and then saw the patterns unfold in your family years later…

Lack of Validation

The scapegoat in a narcissistic family often is in a role where the family will not be a source to validate the feelings, nor be an emotional support. It’s a zero-sum game. They will not be there for you — especially when you need it the most and they will blame you (directly and/or indirectly) for things that are incorrect or wrong within the family unit.

You won’t be able to achieve a close family connection — it’s a shame because immediate and even extended family is meant to support and build you up. It’s a sad situation — beyond sad, really.

But validation will not be given to you for how you feel toward anything — especially if you call out a family member on something. They will find a way to turn it around on you. Beware.

It takes a hard time to heal from this because you don’t have a genuine, solid support system.

You will learn to rely upon yourself, and this typically means you become self-sufficient, and independent and may have a hard time trusting others.

Cognitive Dissonance

If you were the family scapegoat, you may still struggle with cognitive dissonance at times, even after you come to learn what it is.

You may still be faced with questioning yourself, having doubt, and then having moments of clarity.

Self-Doubt and Questioning Experiences

When the scapegoat starts their healing journey, they will be faced with a lot of doubt and self-doubt.

Their family doubted them and didn’t believe they could accomplish things.

They were put down, directly, or indirectly. They were talked about behind their back by extended family. The list of tactics is wide and the scapegoat has to sort through all the tactics including doubting their own abilities to be able to make headway.

It’s not an easy journey as sometimes the scapegoat is against their own self as they are trying to heal. They may have to work through self-sabotage and setbacks.

One thing the scapegoat does have is the determination to keep trying. It may take the scapegoat multiple attempts and do-overs to get it right. They are determined to make sense of their family upbringing, learn from it, make it better for themself, and move forward better than they were before.

Overwhelmed and Not Sure Where to Start

The family scapegoat may have a hard time knowing where to start their healing journey.

Since they try to heal at first on their own, they research and learn, but it can be overwhelming with all the new things they discover.

This is why the healing journey takes time and there is no rush.

A Special Note to You on Your Healing Journey

In the shadow of unjust blame and unearned reproach, I want you to know that your journey is not unnoticed. Your resilience in the face of adversity speaks volumes about your strength. It takes immense courage to navigate the stormy seas of scapegoating…

I want you to realize that you are not defined by the accusations thrown your way. The labels they pinned on you are not your identity. You are a tapestry woven from the threads of your experiences, aspirations, and the countless moments that make you uniquely you.

The pain you’ve endured runs deep, but in the depths of that pain also lies your capacity for healing. Remember that healing is not linear; it’s a journey filled with twists and turns. Just as the scars you bear are a testament to your battles, the healing process will become a testament to your triumphs.

The journey toward healing may be challenging, but it is also transformative. Each step you take, each boundary you set, and each moment of self-care is an act of reclamation. You are taking back your power, one day at a time.

As you walk this path, hold onto the kindred spirits who uplift and support you. They are the ones who see the real you beyond the accusations, the ones who remind you of your worth when doubt creeps in.

Embrace forgiveness, not for the wrongs done to you, but for your own liberation. Forgiveness is not about excusing their actions; it’s about releasing the hold their negativity has on your heart.

In your journey toward healing, never forget that you are deserving of love, respect, and happiness. Your experiences do not define you; they are simply chapters in your story. And the rest of your story is yet to be written — a story of resilience, growth, and the unwavering strength that comes from transcending the role you were unfairly cast into.

XO

Lynn

Lynn is a narcissistic abuse recovery coach, offers 1:1 coaching sessions, is a podcast host, and creates videos on her YouTube channel to bring the message of healing.

Learn more on her website here.

Originally published at https://www.movingforwardafterabuse.com