Why the Fear of Failure is a Liability
‘I’ve missed more than 9000 shots… failed over and over… that’s why I succeed.’ — Michael Jordan
A few weeks ago, my cousin flew up for a visit. Because this was his first taste of the Big Apple, I served as the tour guide.
Riding a New York City subway had him at hello. Bright-eyed, Don smiled from ear to ear. And like most teens, he complained how school gets on his nerves while girls stay on his mind.
“Genius,” he said, “how can I get over the fear of failing?”
Ah, because what’s understood needs no explanation, I laughed to myself. “Young fella, what’s her name?”
To make a long story a dwarf, Don feared his crush would reject him. And so, because there’s no reality, only perception, which explains why “perception is reality,” I shared with him the following hack for combating the fear of failure.
I. Fear of Failure is Perception
Fear, like beauty, lies in the eye of the beholder. For this reason:
Change how you look at things = things you look at Change
Given Einstein’s love for carrying out thought experiments about trains, I had just the hack in mind.
I told Don to close his eyes for a brief moment of silence. “Young fella, listen to the giggles and sweet melody of conversations, both so peculiar to the living.”
“Inhale life,” I whispered. “Inhale life . . .” A few seconds later, I told him to open his eyes.
“Now look around this crowded subway car . . .” I said, nudging him. “See that lady smiling while texting over there. See that guy with the resting-squint face stifling his yawn over there. Inhale life, young fella . . .”
As Don’s eyes darted around the train, I threw an arm around his shoulder. “Life’s good, huh?”
He nodded.
“Well guess what, young fella, chew on this:
A century from now — everyone you see living today will be dead!
His eyes flooded with horror, as if seeing Boo Radley for the first time.
I briefly told him of the greatest people in history, from Gandhi to Princess Diana. And then I noted how history is filled with dead people.
In short, while the subway car rattled about, my young cousin sat knee-deep in existential introspection.
“Now, if you know for certain one day you’ll twirl into those grim arms of the Reaper, what on earth is there to fear?” I asked him.
His eyes lit up. “So pretty much you’re saying life is like playing Call of Duty, can’t avoid seeing that game over, huh?”
I flashed a smile. “Indeed, life is the only movie in which no character makes it out alive at the end, no matter how great or small. So what’s to fear?”
He rubbed his hands. “Nothing!”
In short, my hack for combating the fear of failure merely reflects an insight plucked from the wisest philosopher of all:
“Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.” — Socrates
II. The Nature of Fear
Like everything natural, fear merely supports the first law of nature: self-preservation.
From LUCA to the first hominid that dared to leave the shelter of trees, the emotion called fear served as a “bodyguard.” Ah, but the instant evolution by natural selection adapted an ape for mental capacity, the nature of fear forever changed.
“All the world’s a stage,” wrote Shakespeare, and of all such actors that adorn this earthly platform — from aardvark to zebra — the human alone foreknows she is fated to exit stage left.
Death is something quite foreign to animals.
Though the puppy instinctively avoids jumping out an open window and thereby avoids death, he remains oblivious to the prospect of dying.
“The very essence of instinct,” said Darwin, “is that it’s followed independently of reason.”
We, on the other hand, are what Aristotle called “rational animals.” Quite simply, we’re the only creatures armed with reason and imagination.
In this very moment — with third eye — we can literally foresee ourselves lying with arms crossed over chest in some casket; with third ear, we can literally forehear the minister saying, “He was a good man.”
In short, when an emotion that’s been around for millions of years hasn’t been updated, just as failing to update your iPhone to the latest iOS — bugs and glitches ensue.
III. Danger vs. Fear
If while swimming in the ocean you spot a shark’s fin, that spells danger. But if you refuse to swim in oceans due to potential shark attacks, that spells fear.
Danger is real. Fear is perception.
Danger is to fear what a shot of tequila is to a sip of wine.
When most people think of Mike Tyson, they think of history’s most ferocious boxer. Ah, but long before Tyson was knocking out opponents, he dropped out of school because he was tired of getting picked on.
“I was never tough,” Tyson admits. “I think I was a big wimp.”
Tyson’s mentality drastically changed, however, when he met his trainer and future guardian Cus D’Amato.
One night while Tyson lie awake in bed, tossing and turning, scared to death of the opponent he was set to face, Cus knocked on the door.
Tyson finally revealed to D’Amato his lifelong bout with the fear of failure. And what the legendary trainer taught him, that night, would forever change the course of boxing history:
The hero and the coward both feel the same thing, but the hero uses his fear, projects it onto his opponent, while the coward runs. It’s the same thing, fear, but it’s what you do with it that matters — Cus D’Amato
In short, fear is fire! And just as fire can be used to cook the man’s meal, if misapplied — it can be used to cook the man too.
IV. The Takeaway
“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”— Shakespeare
To become the noun you have to be the verb, first. … Think about that for a second.
Doubt is the child of fear. And because self-doubt robs the self of even attempting (verb), from the outset it ensures the self never becomes the noun (entrepreneur, actor, author, etc.).
The fear of failure, then, is a huuuge liability.
To put it simply: because life is but a mirror — who you are, what you have and how you live today merely reflects how fearful or fearless you were yesterday.
Learn to be fearless in the presence of fate! Here lies the answer to the riddle.
As for weighing the risks/rewards, I’ve long been puzzled by how Life is the only movie in which no character makes it out alive, yet most of the actors insist on playing it safe.
Mastering the fear of failure, then, boils down to how we relate to it.
In short, dear reader, we know in advance marked on our gravestones will be a birthday and a death-day. That dash in the middle, which means to fill in the blank, suggests the following: it’s up to you to do something special with this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Perhaps FDR put it best:
Only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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