Why the Concept of Waiting For Someone Is Toxic

Summary

The concept of waiting for someone to be ready for a relationship is considered toxic because it can lead to emotional damage and missed opportunities for genuine mutual love.

Abstract

The article discusses the toxicity of waiting for someone to be ready for a relationship, arguing that it is emotionally damaging and prevents both parties from finding true happiness. It suggests that the idea of waiting is often romanticized in media but can lead to one person putting their life on hold, which is unfair and potentially selfish. The author emphasizes that genuine love should not require convincing or waiting, and that there is someone out there who will be ready to love fully and equally. The article concludes that waiting for someone is a form of settling that can result in a relationship built on insecurity and imbalance.

Opinions

Waiting for someone is seen as emotionally damaging and toxic because it involves putting one's own life and emotional well-being on hold.
The author believes that if someone truly wants to be with you, they will move mountains to make it happen, and if they don't, someone else will.
The article posits that the idea of waiting is rooted in the belief that the person waiting will never find someone else they connect with as deeply, which is a form of settling.
It is suggested that allowing someone to wait for you is selfish and indicates a lack of genuine care for their happiness.
The author asserts that love should be a balance of giving and taking, and that waiting for someone to reciprocate your feelings is not a true expression of love.
The article implies that relationships that start after a period of waiting may be plagued by persistent insecurity due to the imbalance in the level of feelings between the partners.
The author emphasizes the importance of choosing oneself and not prioritizing someone else's needs above your own emotional health.

Why the Concept of Waiting For Someone Is Toxic

I am sure everyone has watched a movie or listened to a song where someone told their love interest “I’ll wait for you”, usually followed by the “no matter how long it takes” or “whenever you’re ready” and I have always found this to be a truly endearing sentiment, but even then alarm bells have always gone off in my head, like is that really healthy?

Putting your love life on hold to accommodate the other person’s needs? Maybe I am simply reading into it the wrong way but I have always felt like, that whole idea is quite toxic.

Before I get into this, there is a lot of debate on what exactly toxic means, especially with the way it’s used on Twitter lately. But for the purpose of this article, and to my general understanding, toxic means emotionally damaging to yourself or someone else.

Now, what does it mean to say you’re waiting for someone? I think, it’s usually a situation where one party is not exactly emotionally available, maybe due to some trust issues or they might be in a relationship with someone else and the other party is willing to be there for them on a level that is not exactly romantic and avoid becoming romantically involved with anyone else until the other person is ready to be on the same page. Or, there are also situations where there is some external variable preventing the parties from being in a romantic relationship such as distance, and one party or sometimes both are willing to hold off on being completely romantically involved with anyone else.

Now, in theory, this could be really sweet. The fact that someone is emotionally holding out on being with other people because they genuinely believe that that person is right for them, that level of dedication and commitment can be based on the idea of someone being completely perfect for you, but something is in the way and ultimately, that person is who you are supposed to be with.

There is also the fact that someone can truly believe that the person they are waiting for is ‘the one’ and they could have genuinely tried to get to know other people but they simply cannot connect to anyone in that same way.

Now here is everything that is wrong with this idea. I genuinely believe that if someone truly wants to make things work they should be able to, they should have the ability to move mountains just to be with you. And if they cannot do that, there is most likely someone out there that can, and you should be unwilling to accept anything less.

The entire idea of waiting for someone, and holding on until that person is where you need them to be, is so unfair on whoever is doing the waiting. Because, that person is missing out on a world of possibilities, on someone that could be ready to love them in the way they deserve when they need it because of the chance of someone deciding that they are ready.

I would also say, I understand that you cannot make yourself stop loving someone but you have to come to terms with the fact that there is a reason why that person is not present for you in the way you need them to be, and if they really cared for you in the same way that you cared for them, that reason would not make a difference. So you have to decide if you want to love someone that you had to convince to be on the same page as you, or you want to keep looking for the actual right person.

This Nayyirah Waheed piece really says it all, I will always believe that there is definitely someone out there that will love you in the way you deserve to be loved, so the fact that you have to convince someone to be where you are, should show you that they were never the one.

And for the person that is letting someone else wait for them, it is quite selfish. Of course, if someone has made up their mind, you can’t exactly force them to move on. But completely allowing it is wrong, because personally there would be that awareness that you could be emotionally unavailable indefinitely or never and letting that person sit back and pine for you is basically wanting them to put their lives on hold for you, and I think if you truly care about someone and want them to be happy, you would never let them do that.

Thus, the idea of waiting for someone, to put it in specific terms, emotionally withholding yourself from other people because you are holding on for someone else to be prepared for a relationship is toxic, because you are subconsciously settling. Holding on to the idea that this person is as good as it gets, and you will not feel as strongly for anyone else so you need to accept whatever it is this person is willing to give you, is very clearly emotionally damaging because it can produce insecurity that you feel so much more for the person than they do for you. So even if a relationship eventually blooms, that insecurity will persist.

You should always choose yourself and waiting for someone is not doing that, it is putting that person’s needs above your own, and in as much as love is very selfless, it should also be very ‘give and take’ to ensure that you are not being taken advantage of.