Why Sometimes It’s Better to Give Up

And what can happen if you do

I tend to question many things perhaps others don’t. I’m not sure why that is, but I’m constantly challenging widely believed notions that don’t make sense to me.

One is the often-used phrase, “Don’t give up.”

I think it’s meant as encouragement, urging someone onward to reach success, and I respect them for that. However, why is the idea of giving up perceived as negative?

Throughout my life, I have learned that sometimes giving up is the best option. A time-out, in a way, allows a greater perspective on a seemingly formidable challenge.

One particular example occurred just a month ago. Living alone out here in the woods, I have never asked for help. I treasure my independence and self-reliant nature, determined to solve problems that arise on my own.

However last month we experienced an intense rainstorm here in Maine, with extremely high winds. I awoke in the morning to find a large tree leaning over the road to my cabin. There was no way I could drive past it and had to cut it down.

The thing was massive, and as I stared at it I almost cried. Despite my fear, I grabbed my saw and tried to cut through the trunk, but soon realized it was too dangerous, unsure which way it would fall.

I returned to my cabin and lay in bed wondering what to do. My last resort would be to ask a neighbor, but too stubborn to ask for help, I tried to think of another solution.

Just then I heard a loud crack, and then a thud. What the heck was that? Another tree?

I put on my coat, walked back up the road, and to my surprise, the tree had fallen perfectly out of the way in the ditch.

Giving up had been my best solution. Continuing to work on it may have cost me my life.

And then I thought back to all the other times I’d given up, believing I’d been weak.

Had giving up on a broken, abusive marriage been weak? No, it had given me a new life. Giving up on trying to pay a mortgage for a home I couldn’t afford had been another excellent decision. It allowed me freedom from my financial burden and to live according to my budget.

Had giving up on a well-paying career I hated the best choice? Absolutely.

But sometimes I’d give up only momentarily when writing my memoir. After working on it for two years I’d become so discouraged and frustrated I’d actually shouted, “I can’t do this! I give up!”

But two days later determination took hold and I began working on it again and didn’t quit until I finished it three years later.

In all of these instances, giving up had been a time-out, a stepping back to reassess a situation. They were important moments of telling myself, this isn’t working, quit trying, and just stop and think.

And who says giving up has to be permanent? Why not give up for a day, a week, or whatever time you need? What’s wrong with telling yourself “I give up for now” and try again later, nor not try at all?

Maybe you’re wary of judgment from friends or neighbors who might shake their heads and sigh, “Oh, you gave up?”

They might look at you with pity, perceiving you as a failure. And unfortunately, some of those very people want you to fail.

So imagine their disappointment if you were to say, “Yes, for now.”

Give yourself permission to give up whenever you want and walk away from what appears to be an insurmountable problem.

You may be surprised at how a new outlook may change your plans, or the problem, like my tree, might even resolve itself!

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