avatarBella Smith ⭐

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Why Some People Seem Unbelievably Addictive

The paradox of cruelty and kindness

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It’s a strange experience when someone shows us both their harsh and gentle sides. This mix can leave us feeling lost, wondering who they truly are. At times, they might hurt us deeply, only to be incredibly kind afterward.

This swinging between extremes can trap us in confusion. For many, it’s easier to focus on the good moments, pushing away the painful truth of the bad ones.

Because our minds have trouble understanding how someone can seem like two entirely different people.

As this cycle repeats, the rare kind times begin to seem like short breaks in a long, difficult storm. The moment when the mean behavior takes a pause, it’s like getting a chance to breathe after being underwater.

This feeling of finally getting some air is so strong, it starts to feel like something we can’t live without. We end up waiting eagerly for these peaceful times, holding onto them tightly.

We see these times as evidence that the person causing us pain also has a good side. It’s as if these small moments of kindness make us forget the pain, even if just for a little while.

We start to treasure these moments, thinking they are the true nature of the person. This makes us keep coming back, hoping for more of these brief periods of kindness, even when the storm rages on.

This cycle can lead to what’s called a trauma bond. This bond isn’t based on love but on the intense shifts from feeling bad to feeling good.

When someone is mean and then nice, those nice moments seem extra special. This makes us value these moments more, even though they are rare.

Because of this, we find it tough to walk away from someone, even if they often make us feel bad. We get stuck because our minds trick us into waiting for the good times, thinking they are worth the pain.

This trap makes it seem like the relationship is more meaningful than it really is.

Why it’s hard to break free

Breaking free is hard because we mistakenly believe these highs are signs of true connection, not realizing they’re part of a harmful cycle.

Understanding why we can’t leave these difficult situations is very important. It’s not only the kind moments that hold us. Our minds learn to look forward to the times when the hurt stops, making us believe we need the person who hurts us.

To move on, we must see this cycle for what it is and know that real kindness shouldn’t hurt us. This means learning to see the difference between true care and moments that only feel good because the pain stops.

Realizing this helps us seek relationships where love and respect are constant, not given in small doses.

It’s about valuing ourselves enough to say no to being treated poorly. It’s not about denying the good in people but understanding that a genuine, caring relationship shouldn’t be a rollercoaster of pain and relief.

Only then can we start to heal and find better connections with others.

Bella loves to write about life, psychology, and relationships. Click here to receive an email that guarantees you’ll get Bella’s newest stories delivered straight to your inbox.

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