Summary

The article discusses the disconnect between some men's desire for traditional patriarchal roles without the financial capability or willingness to fulfill the associated responsibilities.

Abstract

The piece highlights a trend where men seek the benefits of patriarchy, such as having a submissive partner, without being able to support a family financially. It uses the example of a man who appeared on a show called "Match Me Abroad," looking for a traditional wife in Morocco but was unwilling to be the sole provider. The article emphasizes that the economic landscape has changed, requiring both partners to contribute financially, yet some men cling to outdated gender roles perpetuated by media and political groups. It criticizes men who expect modern women to work and support the household while still adhering to traditional gender dynamics, suggesting that these men are not adapting to the financial and social realities of the 21st century. The author praises feminist voices on platforms like TikTok for challenging these views and calls for men to reassess their roles and contributions in modern relationships.

Opinions

The author enjoys TikTok for its feminist discourse and the way young women dismantle male talking points.
There is a critique of men who want a "traditional" wife without being able to fulfill the role of a financial provider.
The article suggests that the days of a single income supporting a family are gone, and women have become financially independent.
It points out that men are often not prepared for the financial responsibilities of being a patriarch and are not keeping up with the evolving role of men in society.
The author believes that men have been slow to adapt to the changing expectations of gender roles, partly due to media portrayal and right-wing ideologies.
The piece argues that modern women are not interested in supporting a man who cannot fulfill his traditional role as the provider.
It highlights the hypocrisy of men who complain about "golddiggers" while not having the financial means to support a family.
The author agrees with the sentiment that men who want to be seen as the head of the household should have the financial capacity to support that household.
The article praises Tariyé Peterside for her insightful commentary on the subject and for holding such men accountable.

Why So Many Men Are Suffering From Schrödinger’s Patriarchy

Men are looking for the perks of patriarchy without being able to fulfill the duties that come with it

collage by author, original photo by @master1305

I love spending time on TikTok. Not because I particularly enjoy watching young people dance but because it’s the place where you’ll find the most eloquent feminist voices. I love watching these modern young women taking down inane male talking points in 60 seconds.

At the moment, I’m watching a hilarious series of videos about a guy, aka a passport bro, who went to Morocco to find a bride on a show that is called “Match Me Abroad.” Apparently, he was looking for a woman willing to submit to him as the head of the household—a woman with “traditional” values who’d wait on him hand and foot.

However, talking to a matchmaker in Morroco, his dream was shattered when he realized that being the head of the household meant that he’d be expected to be the sole provider of said household. “He didn’t sign up for that” — his words, not mine.

So to my enjoyment, a creator named Tariyé Peterside took it upon herself to drag this clown hard. And while doing so, she’s created some of my favorite quotes of 2023.

If you want to be the man-of-the-house you need man-of-the-house money

This is one of the things that many men don’t realize. You need money to be a patriarch. The number of women actively looking for a broke house tyrant is really small.

These men don’t have the means to support a family, but they’re still looking for a woman that magically morphs into a Stepford wife the minute they lay their sweaty paws on them. They have neither the money nor the will to be the sole provider for a family with a stay-at-home wife and two kids.

And this delusion is not solely their fault. Once upon a time, there was a world where men could have a single 9-to-5 job, buy a house and a car and provide for an entire family without struggling. They were able to make their wives stay home to watch the kids, telling them “they didn’t have to work” because the family didn’t need the money.

They made their wives financially dependent on them and thereby kept them submissive.

Those days are over. Not only are women now allowed and able to get an education and earn their own money so that they’re now financially independent of men, but also that one normal income is no longer sufficient for a family to survive.

So women have moved on.

They’re now looking for a man with whom they can build a life as a partner, not someone who wants to exploit them as free labor. But unlike women, many men haven’t gotten the memo. Nobody told them they have to step up their game.

The traditional family image is still being perpetuated in the media, in ads, in movies, and of course, by the rising misogynist right-wing parties that are trying to turn back the clock all over the world.

So now women are out there in the workforce making money. They’re carrying their share of the financial burden. They’re aware of what they bring to the table. Meanwhile, men have grown up with old-fashioned views of what it means to be a man. And, unfortunately, with mothers who shouldered the double burden of work and household chores.

As a result, we now have these young men without sufficient income but with a screwed-up view of their role in this world. Looking for women to take care of them like their mommies used to. At the same time, they expect their wives to go out to work and provide 50% of the income needed to support a family.

Western men have become accustomed to the fact that modern women are all out there working and earning money. They’ve forgotten that in the patriarchy, that is their job and their job alone.

“western men don’t realize just how much feminism has benefited them”

Not surprisingly, modern women aren’t enthusiastic about the far-from-enticing opportunity of getting a full-time job and taking care of a man-child at the same time. Why would they want to do all the work and still submit to the whims of a man who can’t fulfill his end of the bargain?

Hence these men travel to foreign countries hoping to find someone sufficiently desperate to allow them to feel superior and still help them finance the family.

“The guy is basically trying to get someone to bankroll his man-of-the-house cosplay”

Women are all golddiggers!

There are way too many podcasts where circle jerks of young men tell each other and their rapt (or disgusted) audience what women should be doing.

Women should accept that men are providers, protectors, and intellectually superior. They should respect their men and make them feel special. Have a warm meal on the table for them when they come home, yadda, yadda, yadda. You know the type of podcast I’m talking about.

At the same time, they’ll call a woman a golddigger if she expects them to pay for their dinner on a date. Or, heaven forbid, expect them to have a proper job with a regular income.

“It’s always really telling to me how these men are so concerned about golddiggers, right? Well men who actually have the gold are not concerned!”

… “Meanwhile copper, brass, tin, iron they don’t have any of it, but they are concerned about golddiggers”

It’s hilarious how deluded they are about their value. Being a woman who is provided for, protected and willing to care for her “man” in every way he desires isn’t for me. But I’m sure there are women out there who’ll happily fulfill that role. Provided the man holds up his end of the bargain.

And this is where the root of the problem lies.

These men can’t hold up their end of the bargain. They don’t have the resources to provide for a woman who is willing to be the kind of woman they envision, and they don’t understand the duties of the role they’re aspiring to.

But instead of taking a hard look in the mirror and trying to grow into a man that will be able to partner with a woman in a way appropriate to the 21st century, they idolize Andrew Tate or make their own mediocre podcasts. Or worse, try to find women in the global south to exploit them.

And this is Schödinger’s patriarchy, little tyrants who want to be the head of the household but don’t want to be the head of the household at the same time.

So before you expect a woman to see you as the provider, protector and head of the household ask yourself:

“Can you adequately clothe, feed and shelter the whole family?” … “Around here, we still expect the patriarchs to actually patriarch”

Big shoutout to Tariyé Peterside. I had so much fun watching this series unfold!