Why should we be friend if we leave each other at the end?
In the last three years, I moved to another country every 6–10 months. I was a student-tourist, studying in different countries, doing internships, but also having a lot of fun and visiting beautiful places. This was one of the most exciting part of my life so far.
One big challenge I met during this time was to create and manage my relationships. How to approach friendship when you know that you will be leaving few months later? At the time, I decided to keep a certain distance and only maintain superficial friendships. I didn’t open much to people and avoided intimacy. I tried to not attach myself to anyone.
It was hard and it didn’t really work, because wherever you go there will always be people with whom you will connect deeply. Friends who will have the same hobbies, values and vision of the world. In each place, you will meet your significant human beings, people who will resonate with you.
You will have a great time with them; but at the end, you will leave them, or they will leave you. And you might never meet them again.
Every time a good friend leave to another country, or every time I leave a community to work in another place, I am very sad.
Leaving is dying a bit.
Leaving wonderful people to go to another place where you know nobody is daunting. It’s exciting to go in the unknown, but it’s tiring to build and rebuild a social network in each place. Every time I leave a place, I feel like dying a bit.
I miss this group of German hikers I met every Saturday, I miss the community of hippies smoking weed at my Mexican University, I miss my classmates of my freshman year back in France. All the familiar places and people are not around me anymore.
I am certain that I won’t meet most of these friends again. And even if I meet them again, everything will be different, it might even be awkward. Of course, there is internet and Facebook to keep in touch. I am happy to see that they are happy on social media, but we will never be part of each other’s life again and this frustrates me.
I have often considered each place where I lived like a different life. It is like having many lives in my own life. Each life has its group of friends and familiar places. Each life is unique. And leaving a place is like dying a bit. Dying to get reborn in another life in another place with other people. Only a small piece of us is left behind in the past life and the previous place.
Are we only passing by each other? Do we only spend a bit of time with another person to part away and never meet him/her again?
After all these trips and significant encounters, I realized that the people I met never really left me. The short time I spent with them was very meaningful and shaped the person I am today.
Even though we walked in different directions and parted away, it is this short time together that defined us. In this short time together, we exchanged ideas, enjoyed going out or built something new. It was wonderful to have fun together.
It is in the present, in each precious moment we live with our friends that we get our greatest joys. Obviously, we will part away in the future, and even though we know it will hurt, this shouldn’t affect the present moment.
Tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift, that’s why we call it the present.
Whatever we did together, we created something that will connect us forever. This thing are memories. In the memories we make today, we connect our tomorrows.
Let’s create memories to connect our tomorrows.
More than memories, we also exchanged our values, behaviours and ideas with the people we loved. As we part away, we will carry what these people have given us to other places. Each of us will meet other people and we will bring new values and ideas to other communities. It is this infinite chain of relationships and exchange that connect us all.
We are not passing by each other; both our ends are in a connected loop. They are connected into one.
We are all connected in one life. Through our relationships and exchanges we improve ourselves, others and all humankind. From each person I met across my trips, I have received something unique which makes the person I am today. Each person I loved, appreciated or admired gave me a brick of themselves to build myself. In exchange, I also gave them a brick of myself. That’s how we built each other.
Even though, it is dauting to start a deep relationship with someone when you know that you will be leaving, it is worth it. I suggest you to go for it and deeply know someone, deeply open yourself, because you will live precious moments and make incredible memories with this person.
During all your life, you will cherish the memories and bricks your significant encounters gave you. You will also become a great human being thanks to the gifts of others. You will grow new ideas, rethink your values and define your meaning of life. Finally, you will accomplish something meaningful to you.
And all of this, thanks to the very short but significant encounters you have made in your life.