Why Self-Deprecating Humor Is More Good Than Bad For You

As it turns out, laughing at yourself is arguably the best form of humor.

We all make jokes every day. Humor anywhere can foster a positive environment that develops any relationships. But if you are not too careful, you may end up offending someone.

You never know when your jokes can hurt someone’s feelings, some race or religion even if you didn’t intend to. The same humor can ruin relationships too. If it isn’t your day, you may be even facing lawsuits from your colleagues or employees.

Why risk any of that when you can easily make jokes about yourself and can actually come across as a humble and likable person?

Self-deprecation is the act of making fun of yourself by belittling or undervaluing yourself to make the people around you laugh with(at) you. How hard could that be?

Some studies claim that self-deprecating jokes are unhealthy and detrimental to your self-esteem. Some studies claim that self-deprecation is an important element of modesty and that this humor brings many unintended benefits.

Let’s take a look at the advantages of laughing at yourself and when can the good turn bad so that you know exactly what you are doing.

You Are Attractive, Humble, and Friendly

Celebrities such as Conan O’Brien, Ellen DeGeneres, Larry David, Ryan Reynolds, Benedict Cumberbatch, and Blake Lively are all perceived as funny, humble, relatable, and down-to-earth people.

One can easily love them even if they weren’t popular. Their self-deprecating humor has a lot to do with it.

Many studies show that someone with self-deprecating humor makes them physically attractive, especially if they were men. It is due to the scientific fact that women listen to more details than men do.

When people aren’t afraid to be the butt of their own jokes, they come across as humble. Psychology research shows that humble people are attractive, empathetic, and apologetic.

When you make fun of yourself, you appear to be friendly and real. You show that you are not above anyone. You make everyone around you feel superior which is one of the main reasons others laugh. Since you are the target of your joke, you are not going to offend anyone either.

Strong Leadership Qualities

Emotional intelligence (EQ) has more influence on a person’s success than one’s intelligence (IQ). Self-awareness is deemed an important trait of EQ. Self-awareness is the ability to understand one’s own emotions, strengths, and weaknesses holistically. Self-aware leaders are confident and candid.

A study reveals that a tangible way to recognize a self-aware leader is by looking for one’s self-deprecating humor. Even when they admit their vulnerabilities, they are considered trustworthy and more approachable, not weak.

Leaders who care about the well-being of others are called transformational leaders. Research shows that by making fun of themselves, leaders minimize the power distance between them and employees. This makes them earn the goodwill of their employees even if the leaders don’t come across as funny.

In Parks and Recreation TV show, Tom Haverford explains what Abraham Lincoln used to say in speeches to appear humble:

“My name is Abraham Lincoln. I am the President of the United States. But I am going to be honest with you. I have no clue what I am doing.”

With his self-deprecating humor, he was always open to criticism to improve his leadership qualities. He is considered emotionally intelligent and a legend.

People don’t usually like to admit their shortcomings because of their polished public image. But admitting your failures by laughing at your imperfections can actually be turned into your success.

Neutralizing Negative Information

A HBR study shows that a person is perceived as warmer and more competent when they disclose negative information about themselves using humor than when they disclose it in a serious manner.

Stoic philosophers approve of self-deprecation, especially when someone discredits you. When the counterparts expect you to get defensive, you should insult yourself even more which effectively eliminates the sting out of their insult. This makes them frustrated and not interfere with you again. Even the counterparts will think that information is less important and less true.

Another time President Lincoln used self-deprecating humor to negate when he was accused of being two-faced by Stephen Douglas during a debate:

“Honestly, if I were two-faced, would I be showing you this one?”

Improvement of Mental Health

University of Granada researchers have identified that self-deprecating humor promotes psychological well-being. When failures can sink you with anxiety, mocking yourself releases the pressure from chasing unattainable perfection.

When laughing at oneself, psychological dimensions such as happiness and sociability tend to increase more. This is contrary to the previous studies that claimed self-deprecating humor brings negative effects to our mental health with low self-esteem and anxiety.

According to psychologist and humor researcher Dr. Arnie Cann, the context is important — especially how we choose to use humor can bring positive or negative effects. By releasing dopamine, laughter increases blood flow and strengthens the heart. When we face adversity, a good sense of humor increases optimism to boost our resiliency.

Cann claims that just having self-awareness of how humor can significantly improve our lives can ultimately result in contentment.

Psychologist Daniela S. Hugelshofer supports that self-deprecation helps people overcome misfortunes and find the silver lining in any situation, which in turn, improves mental health.

When Can The Good Turn Bad?

There are some limits to all the benefits of self-deprecating humor.

When you frequently make jokes about yourself, you may end up being perceived as pessimistic, insecure, and with low self-esteem.

Don’t desperately put yourself down so that you can get a few laughs. Self-deprecation can’t be your go-to joke such as to break the ice.

Researchers indicate that self-deprecation could be a sign of suppressed anger. When you make fun of yourself every time you fail, you may never deal with your deep emotional issues, which in turn, could harm your sense of self-worth. Forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes and move on.

When you keep repeating your jokes, someday you may start to believe your punchlines — only to feel victimized.

When you make enough jokes about your core competencies, it can hurt your reliability and expertise in the field, especially if you are a nobody.

Don’t make the people around you uncomfortable and feel sympathy for you. For instance, calling yourself ugly or fat for laughs can make people uncomfortable even though they would smile just not to make it even more uncomfortable. Not everyone would have the same sense of humor.

Australian stand-up comedian Hannah Gadsby during her Primetime Emmy award-winning Netflix show Nanette said her self-deprecating humor had started to hurt her. During one of the most powerful speeches that stunned everyone, she said:

I built a career out of self-deprecating humor, and I don’t want to do that anymore. Because do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? It’s not humility. It’s humiliation. I put myself down in order to speak, in order to seek permission…to speak. And I simply will not do that anymore. Not to myself or anybody who identifies with me.

There is a very fine line between being funny and humiliating yourself. You have to find the right balance. It is evident from Hannah that you shouldn’t overuse self-deprecating humor.

In an interview, Tina Fey bats for self-deprecation saying that her humor doesn’t go as deep as self-loathing or lack of self-love.

You don’t want people to remember you as “incredibly funny yet deeply depressing.”

Conclusion

You don’t have to be a comedian like John Mulaney or Jerry Seinfeld to present humor. Self-deprecation is arguably the easiest form of humor, unlike sarcasm.

You can bring laughter by being authentic and by finding humor in almost every situation. But remember that context matters.

Self-deprecating humor is not dark as long as you don’t hurt yourself in the process. In fact, the world would be dark if any form of humor goes extinct.

Humor brings out the best in anyone. Not only it creates joy, but also it makes us creative and productive. It takes a lot of courage to admit our imperfections but it is imperative that we view those with great tenderness — for ourselves and others.

“To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity.”

— William Arthur Ward