Why Remaining Calm and Loving Yourself is So Important

And how to do it

Photo by Davies Designs Studio on Unsplash

Have you ever faced a decision that gave you such stress or anxiety, that you just gave up making the decision and walked away from it?

Or a decision that stressed you out so much, that you reacted impulsively and made a random decision without much thought and research?

That might be the case because we make different choices when we are stressed or anxious.

We enter the fight-or-flight mode, and that mode doesn’t have many options to choose from. As advertised.

We either fight or flee.

So when you are faced with a decision that gives you stress and anxiety, you either choose something impulsively under the assumption that it is threatening and must be dealt with quickly. This might often leave you with the thought: Why did I do this?

Or you can run away from the decision altogether, ignoring it till it becomes a problem or you miss out on something great.

It is easy to give in to our ancient decision-making mechanisms in times of stress.

But no matter how easy it is, it often doesn’t give us the outcomes that we desire. No, it tends to make things worse.

There must be another way… right?

Another way to make decisions

As a person that has struggled a lot with anxiety over the past years, I have fallen into the trap of making decisions with my fight-or-flight brain.

Often, this resulted in outcomes that I didn’t want. Outcomes that I was afraid of happening, that happened, because I reacted impulsively without thinking — or didn’t react at all.

Recently though, I have been learning to calm down instead of stress out. I have been learning how to be kinder and gentler toward myself.

I’ve been working on taking better care of myself, so I feel balanced and centered. Making decisions from that place and state of mind is a whole different ball game.

I see opportunities I didn’t see before.

I see solutions I couldn’t get to in my state of frenzied anxiety.

I see ways of making my dreams happen — in the most straightforward, easy, and fun way possible.

That’s when I found out: self-love is the other way to make decisions.

“Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line.” — Lucille Ball

Self-love and decision-making

Self-love is a very broad concept. It can mean a whole lot of different things to different people.

So there is no one *magical* way that I have for you to suddenly make better decisions in your life. Unfortunately.

I wish I was a fairy godmother who can just wave her wand and make everyone’s lives better like that.

Nevertheless, there is something I can do. I can let you know what I do that makes me feel better — which helps me make better decisions and allows me to see opportunities and solutions I didn’t see before.

And maybe, just maybe, it will help inspire you to try or find such self-care practices for yourself, too.

My self-care practices

Self-care practices have clinically been proven to reduce stress and increase the quality of life.

To me, self-care means being kind and gentle with yourself.

It means valuing and appreciating yourself enough to not get stuck in a state of stress and anxiety.

It means filling my heart with feelings of calm and peace, instead of feelings of stress and anxiety.

It means putting in consistent and conscious efforts to implement practices in my life that make me feel better, instead of worse.

That might be easier said than done, of course. Loving yourself takes time and effort.

It is through consistent and daily self-care practices that you get to that place of peace and stability.

These are the self-care practices I try to do daily to get to a place of inner-peace and calm:

Meditate every morning and evening
Stretch my body every morning and evening
Move my body daily for 30 minutes (either by doing some yoga, dancing to some music, or going for a walk)
Eat healthy foods (mostly vegetarian) and drink plenty of water
Drink little to no coffee
Focus on my breathing to remain calm throughout the day
Focus more on positive thoughts
Write things down when I get overwhelmed
Get enough sleep every night (between 7–8 hours)

There are more things I do daily that contribute to my well-being and self-love, but these are the ones I primarily focus on right now.

“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” Christopher Germer

After doing your self-care practices for some time, you might notice that they do not give you the same level of peace and calm they used to. At least, that’s what I have experienced.

In such times, I have found that it is nice to mix things up by adding other practices or trying a different practice for once.

Things I will be slowly adding, are:

Breathwork (once a week)
Wim Hof breathwork for more energy (twice a week in the morning)
Writing out my daily intention, goals, and affirmations (every morning)
Making a list of what I am grateful for (every morning)
Connecting with my Higher Self before doing important things (through a short meditation)

You can also practice different self-care practices based on what you need that day. So if you don’t have the time for all your self-care practices every day, you don’t have to add them.

Of course, you can also get up every morning at 5 AM to have enough time to fulfill all your practices. That’s also an option ;)

Robin Sharma talks about how he gets up at 5 AM to do his self-care practices. He elaborates on this in his book the 5 AM club.

As my list of self-care practices grows, I realize I also need more time to complete them. Carving out time for yourself and taking the time for your self-care practices is important. It’s self-respect.

So I also tried to get up at 5 AM. Really. But it is just too early for me (for now).

Currently, I get up at 6.45 AM. Gradually I will make it earlier, keeping in mind that I sleep enough hours a night, of course.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection.” — Buddha

Recap and conclusion

Anxiety and stress trigger our fight-or-flight mode.

Making decisions in this mode is often unhelpful, and can even be harmful.

Calming down and making decisions from a state of peace bring entirely different results.

Loving yourself and taking care of yourself is therefore very important in order to achieve this.

I hope the self-care practices I shared with you for more self-love inspire you to think about your own self-care practices and create a ritual of your own.

You might even try one or two from my list.

What is most important is to get a feeling of peace and calm from your self-care practices.

So really make it your own, and implement only those practices that make you feel amazing.

It doesn’t mean you have to change your entire life in one hit go. It means slowly adapting and adding more practices in your life that make you feel whole and nourished.

What can you do for yourself today, that would light you up and make you feel happy and cared for?

Take care of yourself first, so you can go out there and make awesome decisions and leave a good imprint on this world.

You got this.

Loads of love,

Jelena

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