WRITING TIPS
Why Outlaws Hate Parentheses (and Ellipses)…and a Lack of Conclusion
The “yada yada yadas” of writing
We are a ragtag bunch of outlaw pirates here at MuddyUm. Each writer brings a unique voice, level of writing experience, style, and sense of humor. And as your editorial team, we confess — yes, we bask in our millions of zero dollars and volunteer hours. But we’re also here to help you write the best, most succinct humor pieces you can!
We may not publish every submission, but we promise to leave notes and help you through the editorial process. We’ve also created a super cool “Outlaws” tab on the MuddyUm homepage — choc-full of pirate submissions guidelines and tutorials to help save you from walking the plank.
At the beginning of her pirate journey, our trusty captain, Susan Brearley, issued an edict prohibiting the use of parentheses (or, more specifically, parenthetical thoughts) and…ellipses. Here’s why:
Asides — similar to “breaking the fourth wall” in literature, film, or television productions — can come across as hammy or heavy-handed. Our readers know their phenomenal pirate writers address them in each story (they don’t need a whispered parenthesis to remind them). And, a copious amount of asides can break up the flow of a good read. They distract the readers from finding the bountiful booty of pirate-writing gold.
Similarly…ellipses. Ellipses can feel like lazy writing. They’re often used to emphasize incomplete thoughts or to denote implied or deleted information. If you’ve ever watched Seinfeld, ellipses are reminiscent of “yada yada yada.” A cult-classic episode, “The Yada Yada,” centers on George’s girlfriend Marcy, who utters dialogue like:
So I’m on 3rd Avenue, mindin’ my own business and, yada yada yada, I get a free massage and a facial.
What? How, Marcy? We want to know what led you to the freebies!
The key to good storytelling is in the details — the organic unfurling of the plot. “Yada yada yada” drove the Seinfeld posse crazy, and its writing cousin, the ellipsis, is wont to do the same to readers. And, your devoted editorial team implores you — please finish your thoughts.
Finishing thoughts is a good rule of thumb for the story as a whole as well. A conclusion doesn’t need to tie up all loose ends, but it should complete a story. If I write a sweet melody of an introduction, lulling readers into reading my satire on why dogs would make great presidents, and I then provide three points but don’t summarize them, the readers are left hanging. I don’t want them to feel cheated. Imagine Steam’s “nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah” chorus without the “hey, hey, hey goodbye.” ‘Just annoying.
Keep sending your phenomenal pieces to the crew of your MuddyUm ship. We love to read them, and we delight in your success. But, staying away from parentheses, ellipses, and a lack of conclusion will make your stories more publish-ready and make our unpaid hearts happy.