PARENTING + RACISM

Why Most White Parents Refuse to Talk to Their Children About Race

And how their apprehension impacts Black people

The stubborn silence of White parents on the topic of race is cultivating a generation that widely embraces colorblind racial attitudes. By clinging to the illusion of a postracial society, these parents are making discussions on race taboo, sowing seeds of apathy toward racial injustice in their children’s minds. A study revealed that the colorblind racial attitudes of parents significantly predicted their children’s sympathy for Black children bullied by White students (Wang et al., 2022), which exposes the fallacy that colorblindness is a form of kindness. Amid the backdrop of today’s political climate, with laws passing in many states that prevent teachers from discussing race, the repercussions of parental colorblindness demand closer scrutiny.

While some White people argue that sidestepping discussions about racism fosters harmony, this approach diminishes the lived experiences of those subjected to racial discrimination. To foster harmony, we must challenge racism, which disproportionately allocates social power to White people at the expense of Black people. And yet, many parents overlook our de facto segregated society where Black people possess limited wealth and access to upward mobility, where they are disproportionately harmed by the criminal justice system. By turning a blind eye to the pervasive influence of race, White parents fuel inequality by claiming their privilege is normal. And their stubborn refusal to confront these disparities does nothing to stop the rapidly drying concrete surrounding our nation’s racial hierarchy.

This racial denialism transcends physical geographical borders. In Brazil, for instance, 5th and 9th-grade classrooms mirror the racial segregation observed in 10th-grade classrooms in North Carolina (Leung-Gagné, 2023). Not only did the research demonstrate countries with a legacy of chattel slavery continue to grapple with racial segregation, but it also shatters the myth of Brazil as a “racial paradise.” Afro-Brazilians face relentless racial discrimination that hinders their progress, like African Americans and other groups of Black people throughout the diaspora. The concept of racial paradise parallels the colorblind attitudes held by many White Americans, who dismiss the persistent, damaging presence of racism in our society.

So, why do so many White parents shy away from discussions about race? There is no single answer that explains their opposition. However, there are some factors to consider. Some may feel out of their depths when trying to navigate conversations on race and racial injustice, lacking the cultural competency to engage constructively with their children. Others may harbor explicit racist attitudes, breeding contempt for Black people and other racial minorities. In these cases, the real danger lies not in their refusal to discuss race but in the poisonous rhetoric their children are exposed to on a regular basis, normalizing and perpetuating bigotry. Lastly, the colorblind racial attitudes of some White parents impact their willingness to address race. If they believe race doesn’t affect our lived experiences, they’re unlikely to prioritize discussing race with their children. This worldview preserves the racial hierarchy, all the while feigning innocence in the outcome—producing racially insensitive or racist children who are ill-equipped to navigate a diverse society.

What would happen if, instead of avoiding discussions about race and racism, White parents overcame their cognitive dissonance, embracing empathy instead of apathy? One recent study demonstrated that White parents’ color consciousness impacted their children’s racial attitudes. Those children whose parents participated in a guided discussion about race had decreased racial bias following the intervention (Perry et al., 2024). The findings affirm the wisdom shared by generations of Black writers, educators, activists, and parents — discussing race is crucial in reducing bias. Conversely, parents adopting colorblind racial attitudes risk passing down racism, as their children are likely to mirror some of those attitudes, expressing apathy toward racial injustice. The study’s findings support Angela Davis’ assertion that “In a racist society, it is not enough to be non-racist, we must be anti-racist.”

White parents opposing discussions on race, racism, and black history often claim their goal is to protect their children. However, research reveals the truth that refusing to have intentional conversations about race exasperated anti-Black racism. Studies show that classrooms in America and countries like Brazil remain racially segregated without intervention (Leung-Gagné, 2023), parental racial socialization during guided discussions influences White children’s pro-White bias (Perry et al., 2024), and colorblind racial ideologies of parents affect their children’s racial attitudes (Wang et al., 2023). Their findings demonstrate that Black people are the ones who pay the price when White parents shy away from discussions about racism.

Racism will remain a critical issue in our society until we effectively address the problem. The weed will continue to grow until it is uprooted. While some White parents may not intend to cause harm by avoiding conversations about race, they inadvertently contribute to the status quo. Only an informed public can foster an anti-racist society. Until there’s a collective willingness to learn and overcome the thorny nature of colorblind racism, racial injustice will persist. So the next time someone claims race doesn’t matter, remember — that ignoring a problem will never make it go away. James Baldwin once said, “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” The choice lies within each and every one of us — to either maintain or break the vicious cycle of silence that perpetuates a racially disparate society.

References

Goodreads. (n.d.-a). A quote by Angela Y. Davis. Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/8731136-in-a-racist-society-it-is-not-enough-to-be

Goodreads. (n.d.-b). A quote by James Baldwin. Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/14374-not-everything-that-is-faced-can-be-changed-but-nothing

Leung-Gagné, J. (2023). Classroom Segregation without Tracking: Chance, Legitimacy, and Myth in “Racial Paradise”. AERA Open, 9. https://doi.org/10.1177/23328584231176456

Perry, S., Wu, D. J., Abaied, J. L., Skinner-Dorkenoo, A. L., Sanchez, S., Waters, S. F., & Osnaya, A. (2024). White Parents’ Racial Socialization During a Guided Discussion Predicts Declines in White Children’s Pro-White Biases. Developmental Psychology, 60(4), 624–636. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0001703

Wang, W., Spinrad, T. L., Laible, D. J., Janssen, J., Xiao, S. X., Xu, J., Berger, R. H., Eisenberg, N., Carlo, G., Gal-Szabo, D. E., Fraser, A., Lopez, J., & Xu, X. (2023). Parents’ colorblind racial ideology and implicit racial attitudes predict children’s race-based sympathy. Journal of Family Psychology, 37(4), 475–485. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0001047

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