Why Most Self-Help Advice is Utter Bullshit

And What to Do Instead

Somewhere in my 20s, I found myself nestled in the self-help section of the interwebs. I thought it was a beacon of hope amidst a sea of confusion. Surely, within those creatively crafted titles and thumbnails on YouTube, I would find the elixir to life’s complex problems. Oh boy, was I wrong!

Here I stand, years later, armed with a bit of wisdom and a dash of sarcasm, ready to declare that most self-help advice is utter bullshit. But fear not, I’ve also got some spicy suggestions on what to do instead.

The Carousel of Empty Promises

Back in the day, I was an eager beaver, ready to lap up the sermons served by the high priests of the self-help industry. They promised me metamorphosis, the kind where you morph from a confused young lad to a beacon of wisdom and success with just a sprinkle of daily affirmations. What a spectacular joke that was! It’s time we admit that real change is messy, rugged, and nothing like the fairytales they tell or sell you.

The Great Pursuit of Nothingness

As I ventured further down this path, I noticed a recurring theme — a relentless pursuit of… well, nothingness. You see, this industry often glorifies chasing dreams, goals, happiness — the whole shebang. But let me spill the beans — this is a frantic chase leading nowhere. The real gold lies in embracing the ordinary, cherishing the mundane, and finding peace with what you already have.

The Trap of Positivity

During my initial escapades in the realm of self-help, I was bombarded with the good old mantra, “Be positive, and everything will align.” But here’s the twist in the tale — things often don’t align, no matter how much you smile your way through the crap. This positivity circus is nothing but a trap that stifles real feelings, creating a facade where expressing negativity is almost a sin. It’s high time we accept that sometimes life simply sucks, and that’s perfectly okay.

So, What the Hell to Do Instead?

Alright, now that I have trashed the self-help industry enough, let’s focus on some actionable, no-nonsense advice.

1. Develop a Bullshit Detector

First things first, arm yourself with a mighty bullshit detector. Yes, I had to build mine from scratch, sifting through heaps of junk advice.

How does one cultivate this handy tool, you ask? Well, buckle up, because it’s going to be a wild ride.

Start by being a skeptic, not the annoying kind, but the kind that questions the validity of every “magical solution” thrown at you. Take a moment to dissect these pearls of wisdom, dig deep, and see if there’s any substance to them or if they crumble like a house of cards under scrutiny.

Second, rely on your life experiences. I’ve tripped and fallen flat on my face enough times to know that not every piece of advice holds water. Your experiences are the richest source of knowledge; use them to gauge the credibility of the advice you encounter.

Third, learn from the wise not just the ones found in books or podcasts. Engage with the people around you, the ones who’ve trudged through life’s muddy paths and emerged with valuable insights, not just fluffy anecdotes. These individuals are often the wellsprings of grounded, realistic advice.

Finally, remember that the best teacher is your own gut feeling. It might sound clichéd, but your intuition has witnessed your journey, your struggles, and your victories. It knows when something smells fishy.

2. Embrace the Ugly Truth

Through the years, I have realized that life isn’t a damn Disney movie. Forget the perennial bed of roses; sometimes, you’re trudging through a swamp of thorns. But you know what? It’s in these moments, knee-deep in the muck, that you find the most about yourself.

Let’s get real. The world doesn’t owe us happy endings, and the universe isn’t conspiring to make our dreams come true. Instead, it’s up to us to wrestle with the unpleasantries and dig out our own nuggets of joy. Those pretty Instagram feeds? Half of them are just well-lit lies. What’s behind the filters is a series of failed attempts, messy breakups, and days when getting out of bed feels like conquering Everest.

But here’s the twist:

Acknowledging this ugly truth is liberating.

It’s in the chaotic, in the messy, in the downright shitty situations that we discover our mettle. We realize our resilience and become intimate with our drive and passion.

3. Learn Through Experience, Not Just Words

I cannot stress this enough —genuine, no-bullshit learning isn’t achieved by devouring self-help books or nodding along to the latest TED Talk like a bobblehead in the back seat of a car. Nah, the real treasure trove of wisdom comes from stepping out into the raw, uncensored, sometimes brutal world, and learning the hard way.

You know, I’ve worn (and wearing) several hats in my life, and I’ve learned more from the screw-ups, the blunders, and the “Oh shit, did I really just do that?” moments than I ever have from any textbook or guru spouting their philosophy on YouTube.

So, lace up those boots and venture out into the wilderness of real-life experiences. Stumble, fall flat on your face, and gather some irreplaceable, tangible lessons. You might scrape a knee, bruise your ego, or even come face-to-face with situations that make you question your sanity, but by God, you’ll come out with stories worth their weight in gold.

4. Create Your Manual

Let’s get one thing straight: there’s no one-size-fits-all instruction manual for this rollercoaster ride. Hell, even IKEA furniture comes with a manual that some people can’t follow (and ends up with weird, wobbly chairs). Life? Way more complicated than that.

I once thought I could cruise by, borrowing wisdom from this guru and that Instagram influencer. But between the motivational posters and fancy podcast jingles, something was missing. It felt… rehearsed. Manufactured.

So here’s the golden nugget: Start crafting your bespoke manual for life. Become a wisdom chef, if you will. Pick bits and bobs from various philosophies, give them a good old test drive in the wild terrains of your life, and then piece them together.

From my time tinkering in IT to my quest to conquer Medium’s algorithm, I’ve had to constantly adjust and create my own set of rules. Sometimes, it’s stealing a move from Buddha’s playbook, other times it’s an oddly wise piece of advice from Vosje, my dog. And don’t even get me started on the lessons parenthood threw at me (and still throws).

Mold a doctrine that doesn’t just sound good on paper, but resonates with your spirit, experiences, and quirks. Because while life doesn’t come with a manual, it does hand you a pen and a bunch of blank pages. So, start scribbling, Picasso. It’s DIY time for the soul!

As someone who’s been there, and done that, I urge you to grab the wheel of your life. Let’s ditch the canned wisdom and carve our path, one grounded, realistic step at a time. Because in the end, you are the master of your ship, sailing through the tumultuous yet exhilarating waters of life.